hon-to-ni des-ka?

Test

2011-01-09T21:22:00.001+08:00

Testing one testing two
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Time after Time

2011-01-05T23:09:00.002+08:00

I just feel that one after another negativity is after me, sleepless nights it gave me. Embracing it was tough but life goes on. Its tough, mentally i'm disturb most of the time. When is this going to end. I'm not saying that I want to be negativeless, its ridiculous to say such words since I'm still living on Earth. A handful of them is normal. This is enormous amount. I always believe that there is a balance to it. This I hold on to. For the greater good. Ahoogah!

Getting to it..

2010-12-29T01:24:00.002+08:00

Ahh..finally getting to the thing I'm suppose to write about to "release"..

Heres the thing, this bloody thing has been playing inside my mind for the past few weeks, lets make it months. After all the hard work I put in, though I don't have enough time for it. I think I made progress in handling the pot that I'm cooking shits innit. kapish?

Well, it all boils down to this. We are enslave by the oldest business module ever made in mankind history. Prostitution.

Why would I say that, heres one good short and simple explanation. You pay a certain amount of money, you get a fuck! Cum or an hour which ever comes 1st! Yeah! Thats what you do when you go to a brothel. In some country, things get more innovative, they throw in massage session, bath sessions, oiling sessions, even singing sessions, or show sessions before a fuck! Lovely!

But rule of thumb is, you get paid, you get fucked! You pay to fuck! get it?

We are bind to this business module until this very day. The more you get paid, the more fucked you are. Look at even credit cards, they fucked up your lifetime savings! Thats how old and viral this business module is, though its old its fucken affective! even to this very day!

Even the hierarchy of providing such services comes organized. Daymn! You get to pick assorted packages which comes with various price tags, and when you sell your product line you try and gain maximum margin. Creating a demand for that product line, you make a big margin out of it! Yeah, thats why Hungarian chics now is like Da BOMB!

Sheesh, finally that methodology comes out of my head. I'm just tired being prostitutized (yeah I made that word up and I'm proud I did)

I seriously do not know what to do now, can you believe that? me not knowing what to do? I seen my limits and I want to improve, but how can you improve when you're in pitch black and people start to ambush you with sidearms to claymores?

Well, this is what I believe ( I still don't believe in guardian angels) to be patient and sucking it up to get paid by end of the month. Cause 2011 is near so do I to my passage to FREEDOM! Gosh I can't stop thinking about FREEDOM! I know i'm just 31 in 2011 and I'm suppose to be like working 1000 times harder then other prostitute, but hey, Thunder Strikes right? Let me be the Storm that roars! haha!

Jana!

Guardian Angel

2010-12-29T01:22:00.002+08:00

As I browse through my post I see this "Guardian Angel" posting on my blog, hmm...I wonder who..cause 1. I don't believe in Guardian Angel, cause their sub conscious of our Great Mind. And 2. If any of you disapprove me of being such a free thinker, think again. The only reason you still breath is you used your brains to do so. :)

aha...i'm back

2010-12-29T01:18:00.001+08:00

well after having a good time shitting i'm back and its 1:21am...hmm..well i just feel like updating my blog...its like the feel of need of writing is back..just that this time its more intense...i need to "release" to "fill it up"

Aha!

2010-12-29T01:06:00.001+08:00

Well, Its been a while since I last WROTE in here! phew....heres my chance..! I've been waiting for this very day...oh wait..I need to pass motion before I write something awesome...brb..its 1:07am

The Wind

2010-07-15T16:35:00.002+08:00

I've been so fucken busy with my life lately that at one point I don't have time to myself. Well, the fact that so many things happen though its only been a year means its a fucken good sign. But, to manage all those things in place is still a havoc in my head. Well, lucky I have the time to sit at home everytime I come back from home to organize the piles of shiet. And then came a spider. Truthfully, I would really like to get a steady girlfriend. After the things that happened to me today...fuck this shit..Its like wanting to fly a kite there is no wind. Dammit! I never think negative of this girl this time. But the she was like over thinking things and now this...fuck! I just don't want to be in this position anymore its enough. I don't want to be cornered to the wall and have to answer the questions on the wall which makes no sense and at the same time its a fucken wall! dammit! i need interaction! not wall! I had enough walls around me for four fucken years that broke me once. I'm not gonna be broken again. NEVER! Whatever I'm doing now is all not right, the best part, I get no answer and in return get a pile of shit just because I ask how are you doing? What da fuck is going on? Ish! If I pull the Kite and theres no wind, wait for the fucken wind to come then!

June

2010-06-14T14:48:00.002+08:00

Though so much has happen I don't know why am I still in a jolly mood, as in really bad things had happen to me and my surroundings. Owh well, its only the 14th and yeah to me I still celebrate the month of June and refuse to be down anytime soon, to earn my freedom is agony, but with the right thoughts of how to get that freedom. I shall earn it in the end. And so, the wait continues.

weeeeeee....

2009-12-28T22:46:00.001+08:00

guess what? i have a follower! wahahahhaha...this is awesome..though its just one, its a start..a new start for me to start back this writing thingy! :)

Chalk

2009-04-28T02:07:00.002+08:00

At this very moment I should be driving a GTI with a DSG in it. At this very moment I should have a Ultra Mega Photonic Gaming Rig! And, at this very moment I should be living my life to the fullest! But why is it not happening? Have I not Worked enough? Have I not dream enough? I guess Patience is a Virtue. May the Waves of Mystery come to me from all angles and shall I prevail.

Its been a while..

2009-04-13T05:00:00.002+08:00

Last Friday, I get to go out with Ben and Sugarcane. This time I didn't do any stupid moves! (Did I?) Its been a while, though its just uptown with Ais Kacang, Chee Cheong Fun and a couple of drinks, its still fun. To see her again, this time I get to snap her! *giggles*. I definitely can visualize that, this year I'll be taking loads of shots of human subjects! *hint* Can't wait! Til then..Ja-Na

Ojective Oriented

2009-04-13T04:52:00.003+08:00

To win a war, you maybe to lose some battles. That's what objective oriented people do. Here's a thought. What if we can apply the same methods in life? Isn't that interesting?

"To achieve your objective, sacrifice is a must."

But, to fully understand the rule of Operation Objective Oriented (OOO), one need to understand the World War II war reports. Well, some of you might not even be interested in reading them. Well, read no more! Come and drop shells with me and the answers to all doubt shall be answered!

With the Companions of Heroes, you will experience friendship, hardship, stress-ship, joy-ship, evil-ship and also best of all is the taste of revenge, the sweetness of it all!

Oh! Mighty One..

2009-03-23T16:53:00.002+08:00

For my heart is engulfing my body,
For I start to feel silly,
I need Your Strength,
I need Your Willpower,
I need You to by My torch,
To go forth, is getting harder each day,
To be at the point, is fading away in fog,

Oh, Mighty One,
Please don't Leave me at times like this,
Please give me a chance to light It up Again,
Like how I've Lit It up for the First Time,

For I give hope, I gain hope, I preach hope,
I would like to receive hope,
I want to be There,
I want to reach There,
Let Me be There,
For I can foresee, there's so much can be done,
That can mold the future generations,

May it be a minor change,
In due time it will be One,
In due time it will all be how We all want.

Oh Mighty One,
Bear with me,
Just a little bit more time,
Just a little bit more joy,
Just a little bit more hope,
And It all will End Well.

I will..

2009-03-04T12:20:00.003+08:00

I will...

Slow down playing CoH,
Spend more time with you,
Get to know you more,
Slow down smokin',
Take more pictures of that gorgeous you,

If Valentina Vaughn is my girlfriend...

I will...

Stop playing CoH,
Stop watching porn,
Stop idling around,
Stop building castle in the air,
Get a life,
Get more closer to you,
Smoke with you,
Do everything with you,
Not only take pictures, but videos of you and me,

If Nautica Thorn is my girlfriend...

Ja-Na!

Striked Out!

2009-03-02T11:43:00.002+08:00

After a good session of games, I went back home..and found out that my internet connection is down..AGAIN! I thought that maybe the exchange at the ISP is down. This morning I checked again. Its still down. Moments after that, I called up the ISP, the line is still active. There we go the router is stroked by lightning.

I'm not sad or furious about it. I'm just wondering to myself. Why is there so much I have to go through with? Or is it really The Time to move on and do something else? Is this really The Time to Go?

I wish someone could help me to get The Answers. I guess only The Mind can. What a life to live, knowing that The Mind has all the answers, but The Conscious just can't find it.

Ja-Na

Music Stick!

2009-03-01T20:40:00.002+08:00

It was a sunny Sunday, until the rain pour! Well, wished the weather this year would be a pleasing one and that's what you get. Like they say be careful for what you wish for!

I was suppose to play another round of gun powder and artillery shell, due to the rain, I'm stuck at home! damn! I even got my sponsors waiting! *grins*

Well, after cooking a packet of Ramen (tomato flavour! My favourite!) (which my mom got from a massage machine promotion) i felt at least my stomach ain't that hungry.

As I browse through what I've downloaded and did some housekeeping,(even the porn industry is slowing down..dangz) I stumble across an album which i acquired and guess what? Its from Lady GaGa. I remembered I saw her first sing out in "So You Think You Can Dance" last year; boy!, she got wicked shades! *laughs*

All I can say is her tunes are insanely addictive! *laughs* very club-ish, catchy! You might wanna check it out!

The smell of artillery shells & gun powder!

2009-03-01T03:01:00.002+08:00

Its been a while since I last had a decent gathering with my fellow mates and have a good dose of gaming in a cyber cafe! (only 1 week actually)

But this time, its rather different. I guess its because we decided to join the upcoming tournament that the cyber cafe owner is going to organize. For the fun of it, since the game that we play is having a very good response in that particular cyber cafe. I'm really happy that the owner really put effort in expanding the gaming scene in Malaysia.

The cyber cafe that I'm mentioning is in Aman Suria, its called Tbunt. Decent lighting, loads of PCs (with and without headphones), hot chics to look at! *giggles* the best of all, they play games! daymn!

The game that I mentioned earlier is called Companies of Heroes: Opposing Front. Its something like Blizzard's Starcraft, or some people call it RTS (Real Time Strategy) kind of genre.

This is one game that is not easy to capture the gamers heart. But, with proper exposure it will give a cyber cafe a good revenue.

I'm also glad that they listen to their customers. The day I mentioned about Warhammer 40,000: Dawn Of War 2, the next visit (which was before I blog this) Its installed! And it only launched a week ago! Now that's what I call initiative! I respect that! They really have the passion for gamers!

What a way to spend my Saturday night. I know its lame to play games on a Saturday, mostly people will drink so much til it take them 20 mins to walk bake to their car, 30 mins to find the keys, 3 hours to reach home and another 45 mins to figure out which key is the lock and which key is for the door. *giggles*

Anyways, have a great weekend! Ja-Na!

W221 350L Finally!

2009-02-12T14:20:00.004+08:00

I've always fantasize of driving the new Mercedes S Class W221 350L (long wheelbase)the moment I laid eyes on it months back. Today I got to drive it! Sweet! As expected the interior feels good( of course nothing beats the Rolls Royce interior). I repeat it feels good, not look the looks. The tachometer was awesome! its like GUI on PC *giggles*.

The torque was good but still can feel the jerky feeling. Speed was impressive. Cornering was rather scary. It felt like I'm gonna sway off the road when I did a decent turn. I guess its not good to corner in high speed with this car.

What keeps my interest in this car was the harman kardon speakers. For a standard package, I was really really falling in love with it. The menu selector or I rather call it GUI (Graphic User Interface) is rather better then the BMW. I've yet to sit in any new beemers so I guess maybe theirs will be more complicated (as always)

Aha! The lumbar seats comes with vibrators that massages the drivers back, awesome!

Overall I would still buy it if I were to have Gs. Until then Ja-Na

Vacation..

2009-02-12T10:07:00.003+08:00

To have mum taught me her ultimate secret recipe was an honor. I finally get to do it with my own to hands and it turned out fine. Taste the same! yeay! But, I still have to work on the presentation.

Basically, my whole holiday was more to perfecting my bakery skills. Which I wanted to always do for so long!

Though rain pours down every single day in Miri, Sarawak. I didn't grumble or mind a bit, I miss the chill weather, miss the mosquito bite and miss the fact that I'm back home( At least in Borneo).

I wish that I really could make it back home to my hometown. I guess the next trip will be definitely be it. Though long lost friends are off back to work or out of my hometown, I definitely miss the ambiance itself.

Its great to see relatives far and near ties gather together though some are still having troubles internally. I do really hope that things will patch up for them.

As for me, I guess it was a great CNY, for me its a new start. I really can feel it this time. 2009 maybe a year where crisis submerge all over globally. For me its going to be a great year! Ya-Ta!

Now I'm back, lets make it happen people! Though my Mind is still dangling on visual. Its getting back its sight by the day.

Enough grief, enough agony, enough jealousy, enough pain.

Time to shine, time to roll out, time to be busy, and time to be bright again!

Until then ja-na

Its Tuesday

2009-02-10T16:21:00.001+08:00

Well I've promise someone to update my blog on Monday. But, its already Tuesday! I guess I'll blog it out tonight. Sorry to keep you waiting CJ..

Ja-Na

Ox-ressusitated

2009-02-06T15:12:00.002+08:00

I went back to Miri Sarawak for my CNY. Took a few photos, basically it rains the whole stay there. In KL it rains not more then 6 hours, but over there, the rain takes a break of max 15 minutes before it starts to rain again. I'll write back in on the juicy details(Still editing and choosing the right pictures)..So CJ..thanks for asking and thanks for motivating, I'm still choosing the pictures cause there are important for me to make the Tsunami of Saliva to occur..hehe..I'll prep and upload everything on by Monday. Until then Ja-Na

Idiocracy

2009-01-17T12:34:00.004+08:00

What came out on the newspaper recently and also accusation towards the wrong party is total the act of idiotic.

How can a legalize sport is to be put to blame being using illegal items for the sport? Now what? You guys don't get the cut in between? Or just plain jealous? Or is it just lazy to even put effort in supporting the interest of the younger generation of this country.

Yes, paintball is legal in Malaysia, else why they held tournament all around Malaysia? Its generating money for everyone. The society is happy, as to the dealers, as to the law that legalized it on certain safety requirements.

No, airsoft is not legal in Malaysia, but hey, if other countries can legalize the sport, why not us? If you would to google up airsoft products. Even the military and law enforcers are impress with the result that is given. I guess Malaysia's Protector has more advance products and they have no interest in this type of bullshit.

But, if one were to get caught possessing or owning one, don't blame it on the others, don't blame it on paintball. Just make sure that airsoft is either STRICTLY illegal or ban it straight. Why is there still bits and pieces around whereby the big shots are the ones that is to get blamed for.

I'm not siding on even both side. As the matter of fact I love airsoft more then paintball, but the law abides Malaysian citizen to own one, so all we have is Youtube clips and also catalogs from the internet to quench our thirst for the passion of that sport.

I would really like to see the country evolves with more common sense in the brain and not just "whats my cut" philosophy to everything that goes in and out of the country. Fuck that!

It kills the enthusiast, it kills the dreams, therefore, it kills the interest to even live in one country when the law of it just doesn't make any sense. To evolve, to grow, one needs to bare with the consequences, due in time it will be all good. That's called effort. Is there effort in this matter?

Don't just look at the dark perspective of a sport or even a product. Think of the bright perspective on what good can it do to the society and also the country and it will be all smooth. Bad seeds will always grow, else what are law enforces for? Minimizing the cause is better then having it infected all over.

Its human nature that laws are mend to be broken, but if its kept and preserve in the proper correct manner, we can uphold and upgrade to be better human beings and not just being stagnant at one point but wish so much to grow.

Dangz

2009-01-15T15:36:00.002+08:00

My PC's motherboard got fried! So, I'll be surfing less for the time being. I shall be blogging on an Intel Core i7 PC in the next blog entry *grin*

What's Love?

2009-01-06T23:56:00.002+08:00

Some say,"Love makes your world a colourful one", or even "Love makes one blind" or "Love makes you things you never thought of doing before"

But what does it actually feel or mean, this Love. What does it do? How does it affect individuals? Does love have categories? Does love need conditions? Does Love even exist anymore?

Well, from My point of view, its nothing but bunch of bullshit. Its bullshit when someone is in denial of that love for something or someone. Love doesn't have to be shown or to be written. Love speaks for itself.

But, like every other word meant. Love too has pros and cons. Hah! I bet you even never thought of this one didn't you?

Lets see, whats so bad about Love? Lets start from the top. When there's love, there's jealousy. When there's jealousy, there's hatred, when there's hatred, here comes the interesting part. There's scandal, after that it becomes heartache, then it all goes around in a big circle again. Maybe I missed out a few other more important ingredients in this process of love.

But more importantly, what or would I put it, how did all of that happened? *smiles*

I can tell you one of many. It all started when a boy tells a girl, "Be mine, and I'll give you the moon and the stars". It used to be pickup lines back in our parents age.

Today its "Be mine, but you can't talk or meet any other guys"..?

So what does all that means? Its conditional Love! Imagine something so wonderful being put in as a contract? Something so pure, so sacred. Its like planting orchids then one fine day one will isolate it, cause its too precious or beautiful to be expose.

What da fuck is that suppose to mean? Does one ever remember who gave that flower to human beings? How can you decide one something that is not even yours? How can greed can just arise when one is dealing with another one? not thing?

Then comes the type of love.."I Love you, but I'm not in Love with you". Now tell me what da fuck is that suppose to mean? *giggles*

Does love have categories now? wow..There's so many rules and regulations in Love, where is the freedom? Cause that's all humankind have left.

No wonder you see people argue, kill, fight. Its all because in the beginning itself one is already spoiling the core.

Protesting or showing hatred doesn't help to get Love back. But, to build the One Love that always and has been in all human being is what we should do. So that, our future generation will enjoy the true meaning of Love. Ja-Na

How Da Fuck?

2008-12-31T10:58:00.002+08:00

I was wishing a friend of mine yesterday a happy birthday, and wrote a poem which turns out to be something that I was kinda shocked to see it coming from me originally! It sounds like this:

Another Year, Another Number adds up,
Whatever behind you are experiences,
Whatever in front of you are plans,
But, whatever you do now
Makes that plan you have happen,
Don't worry about it,
Don't doubt it,
Don't look away from it,
You will definitely reach it,
Whichever way you take to it,
just do it!
Happy Birthday Warren my dear friend!

And when I went back home, every single sentence starts to re-play back in my mind, I was like..how da fuck did I pull this one out of the hat?

Ja-Na

2009

2008-12-16T18:04:00.002+08:00

Everyone and every newspaper in town is saying that 2009 will have a great economical impact where everything will go through and not down the drain. Just how much more worse can humans thing about the situation that Earth is going to face?

Why can't the newspaper write the same fact but in a positive manner so that everyone has positive mindset to be ready for next year, at least!

If the whole world is to think that economically its going to slum, even the brightest philosopher can't help! Even religion can't help.

All we need to do is to look forward to 2009 with a positive mind so that everyone can emit that positive wave to the world and it will definitely be a better place to live on.

The word "teamwork" is not created for fucks. This is the time to make it to good use. Why can't there be harmonious atmosphere where everyone can bloom from it in economical aspect and civilization aspect?

Ja-Na

Another One gone with the Wind..

2008-12-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

I just got off facebook. Again, straight in here after flipping through an album and also watching a video.

I must say I would really like to see in the end who's the last person standing! *grins*

To those that I know dearly is gonna get married or already married or in the verge of getting married just let me know and I shall drop a few lines. Don't keep me in the dark cause sooner or later...

I'LL KNOW! Ja-Na! *laughs*

Idiotic

2008-12-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

How much more idioticity(i made this word out myself) can one get from another? Its already enough to be known that being lied in front of someone makes that same one not only look stupid but disgustingly utterly a cork to the other one!

Gosh! Even a baboon can have more common sense out of it.

I can't believe such human exist! Should it even be called a human. I think even calling it an alien is unworthy.

Fuck!

Ja-Na

Every Chance

2008-11-30T10:36:00.000+08:00

When I look back in my "love life" department, all I can see is just nothing!

How can this be? How can I had every chance and simply don't grab it? Or I do not know how to grab it?

I have to admit to the fact that, I'm not good with this kinds of things. Thats why I always end up with nothing. Nothing solid, its just a close friend kinda feeling and I really do not know why.

The weird part is when I really like that someone, somehow or rather I'll tend to fuck it up unintentionally. Why does this has to happen to the one I 100% give my commitment to?

Is it that this is the sign to tell me that its not the time yet?( Like what others claimed). Or is this the bliss I have to bear and end up being a bachelor for life? And I would have to consult those who are trouble without chargers. After they feel alright, they'll joke and tell me "you should open up a consultation firm". To me that hurts, wheres the appreciation? Fuck!

Well, I've being friends with different types of females, maybe The Man Above wants me to meet more before he would let me settle with the final one.

I guess is true what they say, "Save The Best For Last".

Rarerity

2008-11-23T22:08:00.002+08:00

Today I didn't get to do my laundry in time. That's a little frustrating.

But, today I get to eat steam fish! Yeah..steam fish! HAHA! Accompanied by a plate of bean sprout cooked with salted fish and a plate of tofu cooked with onions. DELICIOUS!

The best part of today's activity was the sight of a rare item which I think its rare. A Leica film camera which I think was used during the Communist occupation. Its really old and the leather is really thick! Everything is in good condition, even the camera itself is working fine. RM450 for that, if I had the bucks to buy it, I will! *laughs*

I even saw one of the many things in my wishlist. A thigh pouch! AWESOME! Still, If I had the bucks I'll buy it. its RM180! *sobs*

Overall, it was an awesome Sunday!

Will You..Will You Not?

2008-11-23T01:47:00.002+08:00

I flipped through photo albums again at facebook and I'm back again *laughs*.

Another thought come into my mind. Once upon a time, a few housand metres away from where I live, I get to know this someone and its for quite sometime now we lost contact. It seems that we were never meant to be together. No matter how hard I try, she'll just back off with anger. I guess acceptance is my only option. Persistence will bring me no where but, straight to frustration. And then what?

What will I think of that person? Would I hate her? Would I be sad to do the same stupid mistake again even though after all these years? Would I be happy for her that she finally met someone that really cares and love her until the end of time?

In the 1st place when I said that I think that we are not meant to be together. That's what my Mind tells me after what I've been through. Carefully plan what would i say to her. It all crumbles.

This is the 1st person that gives me cold sweat everytime I think of her. Makes me worry everytime after I text or call her. Makes me restless everytime after I met her. Makes me feels like home everytime I sit on the couch where she lives. That's one thing I can never take it out from my mind. To be seated in someones home and actually for the 1st time in donkey years I can feel that I'm home. But in the end, one stupid move and its all gone, just one.

I'm not saying I've regret not being much more careful to save the day. But here's where it gets more interesting.

Was it my mind that's the main force that makes me thing of that her? Whereby that she is actually herself genuinely?

So now the question is, Will I keep of thinking of her about the person she portrays to be? Or Will I just might as well stop thinking of all the teletubies fantasies of being with her but to think that she's better off with someone else?

You might say that I should meet her up and tell her everything. Like they say, "Let your feelings do the talking". For all I know, I should do it. But hey, this is not Brooklyn or Amsterdam. Neither its Milan or Sicily. I just don't know how to say it here. Here in a place where stuff I say elsewhere works perfectly.

The elders did once mentioned, "There are Valuables you may gain possess of but, There are also Valuables best remains".

*Sigh* ..Ja-Na

The Greatest Moment in Live

2008-11-23T00:48:00.002+08:00

I've just logged out from facebook. It starts to tickle my mind, and that's how I end up in here. Another sets of wedding photo(yeah what so great about that right?). Well this is no ordinary wedding photo.

This particular set of wedding photo reminds me right to the moment when I was still in school. When I knew this guy called Jonas Fung. Tennis is the one thing I'll always remember him by. But that's all that I'd remember since we were only schoolmates, not classmates. He's very active in church though. My bet is the relationship grew from there, or maybe elsewhere. Cause the wife is our junior in school. New kid in town at a point of time. Which turns out to be active in church too. I have to admit that she is gracefully a beauty. Jonas you are one lucky bastard! *laughs*

The thing is, there we go, another fallen man, that turns his whole life into the Man of the House. A father to be. Which I think is a great task to handle in years to come. Responsibilities, patience, tolerance, care, love. Everything that you can think of to make a person the best father figure that he can be in the near future for his kids to look up to.

Thats not all. Its the people that supported him to get him through his biggest day. His wedding day. All of that people in the pictures are the people that I reconize(well of course not all of their partners). One of many which I remembered I cycled with him to school everyday when we were in form 1. The next thing you know, he's all grown up maturely smart and handsome. Alvin Ling, time flies right in front of my eyes and there you are. Jason Sii is a person that I remember as a quiet person. By the way nice camera you have there *smiles*. The first thing that flashes in front of me is him, Ah Cheong and me playing marbles at a playground in Kiong Soon Garden. Gosh..what a way to think back those days.

I guess I am getting older. I see more and more wedding pictures. Both, my guy friends and my female friends are getting married.

Lucky, three of my best friend never upload their wedding pictures in here. Else, I would have cried, having sleepless nights, having this mortal guild in me. 2 of them make an effort to reserve a chair for me at their wedding dinner. How much more can I ask for? I'm speechless.

That's why after that incident. I'll always think of that moment, the moment that I read that short text message. Every time I browse through wedding pictures, I will always remember you guys. The Greatest Moment of your Lives, and I didn't make effort to be there to witness that.

You can have all the Money in the world. But, you can't have that few Hours no matter how hard you try. Time is just Greater then whatever you can think of having. The funny thing is, Time is always and will be with you at all times. Whereby money makes your heart pounds so fast that it sends pulse to your brains to instruct your lips to carve a smile on your face. How cliche..Ja-Na

Believe

2008-11-21T01:20:00.003+08:00

I used to go to church every single morning since i was standard 3 until I finished SPM. I even went to sunset mass and Sunday mass. In between all that I went to other churches. To cut it short. I was raised S.I.B, educated and baptize in a Protestant church and getting my PhD in a Roman Catholic church. I guess still, my Mommy is the defending champion, she even attended masses in a Methodist church.

Enough about religion. What about what one believes in doing?

Do you believe that you can touch the moon and the skies? Do you believe that you can be successful in whatever field you are in the current future? Do you believe that one day, the world will be under one and one only ruler?

Sometimes it makes me wonder. Believing that one day I'll find the Right one. It never happens. But it turns out to be the other way round. I believe so deep in my heart that I marked the day that my eldest brother will come home(Sarikei) cause I believe that he's coming back. I can imagine him coming home, eating meals together, having fun doing traps in the backyard for naughty cats that steals our cat's food. For all I knew, that day was the day my late father passed away, and he really came back.

When I believe that I would have someone, someone to share my the air that I breath. It always ends up bad. Either the parents don't like me, or the family have to move to another state or country, or my mom just don't like her, or even as simple as a misunderstanding when she was have "the moment" of the month.

Like my colleague told me, religion is to give us hope. That I totally agree. For all the do and the don't in my past life nothing went the way I wanted it to be. But, I did hope for one thing. The one thing that I always ask from God in church every single morning in my prayers before I go to school. I asked for an interesting life(since life in Sarikei sucks to high heaven).

Guess what, I am having an interesting life. Going to college at a later age. Working and experiencing at the wrong moment of my life. Not having a pretty resume to be hand over to a company when I applied for a job. Jobless at one point of time. Working with wedges that can hardly be enough for a 16 year old kid gets for his/her pocket money a month.

Here I am writing this blog. Thinking what did I believe in having. I had it. Its because I believe that I'm already in it. What I don't understand is the culture shocks and the statements that people I've met and experience is way beyond my wildest imagination.

Right now, what I am thinking is actually nothing. I just don't know what to believe in now. I'm lost, I'm stranded, I'm still floating in mid air with water around me.

Sometimes there so much that I want to share, but it just seem to be insane to other human being.

Sometimes I really wanted to wake up and write something in here but the minute I woke up is already time to go to work.

I live a very simple life and yet its so hard for me to cope with it. I won't want to imagine what will a guy with a wife and 2 kids do.

Believing is so true that it happens. But the circumstances that one has to face is totally out of the picture that one painted in the mind. Can that be avoided? or minimized? Or is it against the Law of Nature that we are in control of the consequences which is applied to each and every step of one's move.

hmm..I guess I think too much. I wish I could just sit in a library full of books and do nothing but read and just don't care about whats happening and just keep on thinking of answers to my questions. Well, that's not going to happen cause I'm not a smart kid that have the luxury of being in an education facilities that provides such kinds.

Sometimes its hard to accept the path that one walks when one sees the other one walks a path which is so much different from his. One can be tolerant, patient, accepting, forgiving, sharing, caring, and learning. To what extend can one go? To what extend can one hold? Til then...Ja-Na

Another Sunday

2008-10-19T14:56:00.003+08:00

After questing and leveling in WoW (World Of Warcraft) I ended up sleeping at 4 in the morning( Plus watching Knight Rider, Dexter and The Cleaner's new episodes). As I woke up, my plan was to do my laundry and do the lawn. My phone beeps, and there, an invitation to an open house for raya event has finally submerge! My ex-secondary classmate is inviting.

As usual I'll do my laudry, plus today I have a haircut (yeah, I cut my own hair) and was really excited about the open house, finally I can show the world with my camera how a Laksa Sarawak is made and looks like..

Now is 2:59pm..and guess what? My bike has a puncture tire..dang! I can't move! I guess I have to accept the fact that I'll be late for this meet up..lets see whether I can make it in time..Ja-na

Hell Its about time..

2008-10-15T10:23:00.011+08:00

Its been 6 years, since I last stepped my foot into a place which smells tipsy, sounds excited, taste bitter, looks tempting and feel you wanna come again. This will be my 1st of many venues to come (I hope not). I don't wanna bump into the "old-boys" and have to drink til morning anymore! *laughs*

A friend of mine had an invitation to a newly open "rest house" I would called it (after looking around the area) which I think the name doesn't suit the ambiance even to the slightest bit. The music are more electronica rather then natural projected equipment sounds.

But heres the catchy part about this place! Is whats installed around the vicinity of the space. Poles! yeah! poles everywhere!(Duh! As if there's gonna be strippers coming through the smokes and start teasing the crowd) I guess this place will host those pole dancing tournament thingy in the near future.

The interior look kinda cheap and tone down after you saw the name of the place. I don't know what to say? I've been various clubs back then, this is more like a strip joint that has pre-strippers that still end up with their cloths on. Thats why I tagged it as a rest house.

But I guess girls would like to come here more often if there were more events that were held during the launching. Yeah girls! you know what I'm talking about after you see this picture!

Well, I must say overall the layout is good, both attractive and urban. I don't know the rates for their poison, but I guess it should be somewhere around the price of what KL has to offer. I guess full house is good, well that's what every club wants right? To have full house on the 1st day!

I only had a pax of JD coke, but I was rather drunk taking photos, great experience to take night shots in the club! Until then.. Ja-na!

Thinking Thoughts

2008-08-20T00:41:00.004+08:00

To care for someone was never affectionate,
But it brings misunderstand rather then bonding,
Effort always collides with appreciate,
But isn't effort defined as commitment by some?

Commitment always get one into confusion,
Companionship always lead one to seduction,
Desperation always lead one to comparison,
Physical intimacy always gets compassion.

Concepts always end up thinking,
Ideas always end up stolen,
Condemnation always end up striking,
Showing always end up proven.

Wealth always comes from the thought,
Lust was never from the heart,
Scandals will never get caught,
Memoirs always meant to be crafted.

Luck Never Exist

2008-08-20T00:35:00.004+08:00

Luck never exist, so does coincident,
Love exist always by accident,
Separating couples always have an evident,
To blame each other when it comes to judgment.

Luck never exist, so does talent,
The smart ones always stay silent,
The hardworking ones always increment,
The lazy ones end up getting accomplishment.

Luck never exist when it comes to life,
Even when you're choosing a girlfriend of a wife,
You promise the moon, the land and even the sea,
But when you already have her, argument is all you foresee.

The Mind is so complex that no one can expect,
How much more of power and potential that it can project,
To crave for someone is always an impact,
To not have that something is also in the aspect,
Showing off something always has the sense of respect,
To let the mind help you might always be correct,
But if you believe in yourself, then everything will be intact,
For this is what The Great Mind has always implicate.

The Imbalance that Balance Us

2008-08-20T00:24:00.003+08:00

If you want something, you work for it,
Sometimes you'll receive it right after you work it,
Sometimes you have to wait a while longer to appreciate it,
Most of the time you'll ponder, "How the fuck can I miss it?"

When you show good deeds, others praise you,
When you project good intentions, others think of you,
When you found the solution, others thank you,
In return does all That really satisfy you?

If you are laze, everything turns messy,
If you are bad, everything seems so easy,
Sometimes you have badass attitude, girls find it sexy,
Sometime you do the wrong, it makes your heart happy.

To do good or to do the wrong doing,
Is actually what we do best as a human being,
Screwing underage always gets you canning,
Lying about the truth always make you charming.

For all the things that we do daily,
Is actually worse then a tooth fairy,
In the world today everyone need to be tech savvy,
To make sadeness go and make ourselves happy.

Cunt-fused

2008-07-29T01:46:00.003+08:00

Why is it most females would rather keep quiet about something that they like to do or someone that they admire about but at the same time keep on giving response to the things that they don't fancy or someone that they don't fancy? Is that just female or is it just me?

When we men want answers, we want it straight to the point. I guess the same goes to women ey? Its proven when a women gets pissed of at you when only tell them the real shit about something. Same goes to the men. Maybe we tend to forget how important is that answer to the women. Same goes to the men. So why would most females just keep on responding and giving feedback to the ones that they aren't attracted to? Why not just say, "you suck, buzz off!". Owh! and now you would think that's very impolite to such a thing? That is bullshit. Instead you're torturing the heart. The heart has to calculate the amount of oxygen then has to mix it with the blood and then they have to distribute it to your entire body. Would you think the heart had the time to think about whats polite and whats not? Hell no! That is what the brain does, not the heart!

And guess what the guys think about the girls that are outspoken. They are so smart they called them bitches or sluts. Now, where in the blue hell did that came out? Outspoken females = attractive hotties! They speak their mind out. You'd be surprise if they can blow your minds out and not only your other brain.

The heart is already doing a very complicated and complex job EVERY single second of our breathing lives. So don't complicate it any further. Keep it simple and see how the world will evolve into. Ja-Na

Boredom

2008-07-29T01:40:00.002+08:00

When you get bored of an activity, or a routine, what would you do?

Would you continuously force yourself to do it no matter how bored or monotonous it gets or will to switch to something else which you will gain a new experience by doing it?

One thing I've notice as I grow older, the older I get, the weaker I become. Its like you have that one particular thing in you which will just run short compared to when you're younger. Now, the best part about this feeling is, you won't notice that it gets to you, it will just get to you. That is how I am feeling right now, tired, bored, monotonous about my surrounding.

I guess when I collected enough dough, I will make an effort to make a different kind of pizza. A pizza that will bring a new flavour, new taste, new aroma to it. *Fingers crossed*

Jealousy or Effort?

2008-07-23T16:58:00.002+08:00

Its been a week already and I still feel shitty about myself. Whats going on? dammit.

I've done all I can think of to achieve where I want to stand and where I want to be. The answer is someone else got it effortlessly. Should I be jealous or should I be happy? Cause of the reason that I helped out in the process of achieving that someone's dream. That my advise finally payed off. What about me? What is it in for me? Gratitude from the heart? Fuck that! In the world that I known of nothing like that exist. I'm not in Lalaland or Dreamland. I'm on earth. So why the fuck is this happening?

Am I destined to be the person that can't achieve their dream but to help and assist others to achieve theirs? If anyone has an answer to it please share that pain with me. I would really die internally if this continues. *sad*

Morning Shower

2008-07-22T11:51:00.002+08:00

It rains in the morning today in Selangor, Malaysia. Though its only for a while but it tends to make most sleepy due to the cozy feeling in the morning.

For me it made me think more and worry more. Which, I am not suppose to do when I'm in work. Everything is progressing tremendously well for the organization which I work for. But where do I stand? What would I have in hand by end of the year? I'll be 29 next year. It will suck not to own anything as a 29 year old dude? What do I look forward to after this? To which direction would I drive my Vehicle? To what certain limits should I pursue the goals that I've set.

Am I just thinking too much or Is this the time to shift gears. Even I would to shift it, with what shall I shift it besides my hands on the gear knob and my foot on the clutch and gas pedal? I guess its no joke when the mind is really working. Got to go now.. ja-na!

Empty And Full

2008-07-22T11:41:00.002+08:00

These few days has been a mind wrecking session for me. I'm now employed but the sense of insecurity is in the picture too. Due to certain circumstances, I felt that either I take action to improve my earnings in a different approach or I would end up getting stagnant pays. Though promotion would be given, still I don't see a bright road in front of me.

Feeling so alone and so calm whenever I get back from work is something I really treasure despite of dinners and outing with my brother or colleague. At the same time, having the thoughts of where would I stand in the future at my working environment always keep my mind busy before I lay my head to bed.

The same time emptiness is giving me a good vibe, the same time gushing ideas and thoughts of my future comes into my head. What a life. Ja-na

Heart Station

2008-07-12T21:15:00.005+08:00

One of my friend was bugging me on checking out the new anime called Evangelion 1.0. Its a no.1 movie in Japan currently. This anime freak buddy of mine told me the soundtrack made him got glued to it. So, he asked me to check out the video clip.

I was kinda lazy to even check, was glued to something else (CABAL) so I asked him whats the title and the artist of the song. He told me Utada Hikaru's Beautiful World. So I straight away downloaded the whole album. *grin*

The moment I started to listen to the 1st song it haunts me. Brings me back memoirs of a girl that I once knew that looked and sounded exactly like here. A Malaysian. A local. That speaks Japanese! And looks like Utada Hikaru! su-geh!!!

As I listen one song to another, my heart starts to feel heavy. As if its going through a hard time to pump oxygen and blood in and out.

Actually, its a sad moment of my life. At the same time happy, that I've met someone that I've once imagine meeting. Cliche don't you think? When you wish for something so badly, you get it. But, if its fated that it doesn't go the way you want it to be you feel sad and blame the world. Well, for me how I understand is, I don't wish hard enough to make her mine. Simple as that!

If you(you know who you are) so happen to read this, this is what my heart will always tell "You'll always be in my heart no matter what happens, may it be only a memory or an experience or something that I can remind myself about"

By the way my favourite tracks from this album are Fight the Blues and Stay Gold. Really can make one cry *sob*sob*

Ja-Na!

...After A Month

2008-07-08T10:26:00.002+08:00

Well its been a month since I last write due to work. I kinda like it, though the pay isn't as much as yuppies which can afford Beemers and Ben-si(you need a Malaysian who speaks fluent Cantonese to tell you what does the word really mean? :D )

Though its a small and low place to start my career back as a dude that works. Well things are doing alright. (hehe i can play my online game in office!!)

This very morning I read my no.1 Idol, our very own Malaysian's Dr.Xavier. I enjoyed it alot, I hope you guys would too. here is the link http://test.chedet.com/

Ja-Na!

A Fresh New Start

2008-05-19T21:26:00.002+08:00

I haven't been writing for quite sometime, this time is not because I don't write cause no one is reading, its cause I am working *smiles*. Though its nothing much, just selling cars (back to the roots), I guess working back in that line doesn't mean I'm back to the things I use to do but for me, its a brand new start. Ways of dealing with work will be in a different approach. Thanks to Azran, that recommended me a book to read which really helps me. I know, I don't read much, but surprisingly this book caught me right in the heart. So, to life, here I come. Gambateh-neh!

Tour De Sarikei

2008-04-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

I would always flashback to my school days most of the time when I'm lying on my bed. I guess the sweetest memories was when me and my buddies have groups in riding bicycles! *giggles* Gosh! I really miss them a lot!

We would be so serious in training before the event by riding far. Far enough for others to say that we are nuts! Frequent enough to make others say "Stupid!". Though its not a big achievement in life, but it was a good thing to remember and a good thing that happen in our life. We even modified our bicycle just to be compatible with the track which we are going to ride on the event itself. Damn! To think back on the seriousness we put into this event was tremendous.

Though we got 2nd place in the race. I still won 2nd place for individual achievement. It was really a day to remember. Riding with the wind with my buddies with a pack of other schoolmates which now are all grown up.

Most of them are married already. Some with kids, congratulations to those that made it that far! *giggles*

Apart from that, I've seen a lot of them being to other parts of the world. So I would also like to congratulate them for that.

The point is, I really miss my buddies and I want to meet them so badly. I wish I could. I hope God will grant me that wish one day.

Separated

2008-04-27T22:28:00.005+08:00

Today all kinds of feelings runs through me, guild, sad, happy, excited, anger, hatred, you name it I feel it. Why? Well, its because this very day my brother is on a flight back in hometown for good and I feel very lonely and also very guilty for what had happen over these past few years. I hope that I can pick up the bits and pieces and start my new life quickly. Cause one day, I want to be with my brother again. This time no more mistake, for this is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my 28 years of living. Damn to the ones that con me, damn to the one that cheated me, damn to the ones that deceive me. For I no longer hear you, for I no longer have mercy on you. Thrust is something so priceless. I just let it slip away so easily. I have fail and I hope that one day I will be forgiven.

Ease

2008-04-20T06:14:00.003+08:00

The more I stop thinking about it, the lighter my mind gets. At last, I can finally rest my head to sleep in within my biological clock. I pray and hope that what I am about to do is the right decision and at least I would be able to stand on my two feet to walk till the end of the tunnel, along with the ones that I will tagged along after this.

It may sound cruel when I were to mention that the things that I do involves life forms which is capable of making crucial decisions. Nevertheless, when something that one put effort into doesn't happen, once or twice or even a several times, I guess that goal is not meant for that person. Or maybe, the time has not come for it to come into the picture to be hang in one's room to be apprecieted.

So long old memories, so long to the effort that I put into. So much time, so much materials being shaped with. But I'm glad that its over. For better or for worse, a sentence always needs a full stop after all the commas being tagged along the line.

Does it sound cruel or does it sound pleasant when its read out? In my opinion, its for the person who reads it, not for the person who writes it.

Surviving Earning Living

2008-04-19T06:23:00.003+08:00

These couple of weeks was a rough ride for me. I can't imagine what will happen if I just stood in one position and strongly believe in what I did was the right thing to do. After a great fall. I finally decided to move on. No more previous jobs. This time I have to make it right. Else I won't be seeing computers, or handphones or websites, or any electronic gadgets.

As I was laying down, I can't sleep and a thought came into my mind. I was thinking, why did the people back in kampung was so eager to know how much are younger people making. I always thought that they want to show off which son or daughter can earn more and at the same time spend their wealth and tie them down till they find their other half to be married. That also have to make sure that other half is twice as valuable as their children. Maybe thats what really happen.

But when I look at it from another angle. I guess the older generation kept on pestering those questions to us younger ones is because they want to make sure that we have enough rice to eat, enough petrol for the car, enough to pay the bills and installments and also enough to feed our own family one fine day.

So what does it takes to get there. Study hard? Get a good job? Or earn enough to live on? These 3 things don't come on the same road. Study hard to get good grades makes our parents happy. Some of us are happy with our grades cause we work hard for it. After that what? Graduate and look for jobs. Yeay! we got got the job that we are looking for. But comes another question, are the perks justified by the job load? That can never be an answer for that kind of question. Our superior will always tell us that, "Is either you do you job or get a new one!". But at the same time people will also say, "Do what you know best and believe in yourself". So which is right? Time to time we search for the right job to get to the right answer to satisfy ourselves, to satisfy our needs.

Does graduating in a field and work on that same field promise us a bright future? Or is it just an experience in everyones life to grow and learn about how hard life can be or how easy life can be? Does it takes us to fall as many times as possible until the right time comes then we will find our answer?

To survive we need to earn something, thats how we live our life. No matter what it takes, some illegal some legal, it doesn't matter. All it matters is one tries his or her best to live. We can't blame them or look down on them or feel shy or proud that we are doing a specific job to earn something.

At last I came up with a proverb which gives me strength to face the sun from today onwards.

"If you think money can buy everything, try and buy time. Ask a billionaire to make the time 12:00pm when its already 12:01pm."

Another one is

"To be a rich man is to be as shrewd as one can imagine, but the shrewdness of time bares no mercy to no one."

Words

2008-04-09T05:08:00.003+08:00

Have you ever think of how you have lived your life. It doesn't matter whether you're young or mid or old? Do you take things the positive way? Or the other way?

I realize that words can be deceiving at the same time it can be deadly. It works both ways, towards an individual or back to its owner. Either both ways, it can be for the good or for the bad at the end.

Sometimes, words can be mistaken and misunderstanding arise. Its when an individual took it for granted or said it for granted. Didn't realize that what being said or heard may effect that individual or his/her surroundings.

Words can be lovely, slutty, bitchy or even dominant. It lures someone's heart to the other, it flirts between both sexes. It sometimes make both party feel good in a bad way and sometimes make one or the opposite obeys.

What a wonderful gift God has created for us human to use as a tool to get along with each other.

Look at todays world? Criminals get away with the best lawyers. Unhealthy cults sway people away from their believes. Conman gets all the money they want without getting caught. Leaders giving promises which never materialize and jeopardize his team.

What about the ones that once learn how to live life in a proper manner. That doesn't know how to cheat? That doesn't know how to lie? That doesn't know how to mislead people on purpose. All these people do is convince, with a little hope that they can have a little bit more air to breath. But in return, all that they encounter is bad things happen.

What is Right and What is Wrong? You tell me.

Until then Ja-Na

Executive Decisions

2008-04-07T04:42:00.003+08:00

Have you ever come across a situation when you want to execute a well planned work flow , all of a sudden the old work flow seems to be in the way?

Or even when you're working on something, and all your life you've been working for it, and suddenly you just think that its not gonna happen and try to move in a different direction and suddenly that old "work" of yours starts igniting.

I find it a very hard decision to make. Whether to hold back and believe in what I'm doing all these while and at the same time suffer big time. Or, do I have to put an end to it and move on to other direction which I plan to go to. I had already tried so hard to let go and start a new life but it seems to be stuck to me no matter how.

*Confuse*

Until then Ja-Na

Weekends

2008-04-07T04:33:00.003+08:00

Different people look at weekends differently. Some of them rather wander of to city streets, some rather go outskirts, some rather stay at home sipping coffee and watch TV.

Well for this past 5 years weekends for me is rather quiet. Unlike those days where I would wander off to shopping malls or party through the night. I would cook and have my meals at home. Wash my clothes. Watch my TV series, watch my movies and have a cup of pulled-tea at night with close friends at a nearby coffee shop.

Sometimes I wonder how can some keep up to clubbing and partying even though its already pass 5 years. *Hmm* is it really that good? *smiles*

Even having barbecue every weekend gets a person to a hospital. An uncle in the neighborhood where I once lived experience that. I can consider him the master of barbecue. Up till now, so far, all the barbecue I attended. Theres nothing like the ones I had back then. Prove me wrong and invite me to your barbecue, if you have any coming in the near future.

I would prefer gatherings, barbecue and stuff like that rather then clubbing or partying *giggles*. Does that means I'm growing old?

Until then Ja-Na

Promises

2008-04-03T16:04:00.002+08:00

Promises are meant to be broken or to be kept?

Why must one over promise the other? Is it a sign of dictation? Or showing off who's more capable in manipulating the situation? Or is it a habit?

Why must there be a victim and the victim is always not the one that being over promised but instead, the person that is ALL to be blame is the person that brings that promise from the person who promise to the person that wants to be promised.

How much more complicated can life be?

Beyond Down

2008-04-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

I wish I could write more joyful stuff in here rather than sad story all the time sad incident all the time. Why can I just have a sweet memorable and happy experience for once! So that I can write something happy...DAMN!

I guess this world is really fair, you can see it for yourself its happening. Some sad some happy, proven! So don't say the world is very unfair to you.

Experience

2008-04-03T15:43:00.002+08:00

I was attending a meeting with an old chap somewhere in kl yesterday, was about to close a deal (I'm in sales line as for now, part time). So this uncle was chit chatting and I notice something different about the way he structure his sentences. Though I didn't manage to close the deal. I was amazed by how that uncle speaks..

When I back home (quite late though) I start realizing, it takes donkey years to be able to speak like that. There is no way in hell a person can just speaks like that if he/she haven't reach the golden years of their life. Simply impressive.

*Smiles*...

Others

2008-04-03T15:28:00.002+08:00

Do you think of others when you are down? or when you're happy?

Well, the fact that when someone is happy, someone will be sad right? Thats how it works down here on Earth. Don't you think?

What if you're suffering? will that make someone else having a blast?

What if you're broke? will that make someone else a penny richer?

What if you're heartbroken? Will that make someone else in love?

My religion teaches me to "love yourself, before you love others" - how I interpreted it was I make sure I am really stable on my 2 feet then I help others. As I grew older I realize that interpreting that word wasn't easy.

Up till today I still can define that particular phrase. I guess is just how we human look at it and exercise it. yeah?

Until then Ja-Na

Hope

2008-01-20T04:25:00.000+08:00

What does the word hope means to you? Does it gives you a boost in whatever you're trying to achieve? Or simply just another requirement in a day dreaming process?

Well as for me hoping and wishing is just simply useless. It brings you nowhere unless you have a strong will to be patient. What if one breaks down? What if one thinks that its the end of everything that one tries to achieve in life?

The question is does hope exist in this world that we live in today? Or is it overrated and being manipulated by the stronger mind willed people to take advantage of the weaker ones?

People say the world is getting more advance each day, with all the sophisticated gadgets and tools to enhance the human races' lifestyle and way of living. To uphold the ego of mankind. I say the world is getting more primitive, more savage, more like animals, only the strongest survive they say. Well we are animals after all..right? We just tagged ourselves with names to make us feel better, to make is in the happening group called human being.

Wheres the love? The teamwork? The pity? The care? The concern?

Well, I can tell you this, fuck hope. They ain't no wish come true when u see a falling star. People die when a star falls. They ain't no Mickey Mouse to cheer u up when you fall, when you're sad, cause Mickey's on TV! not in your bedroom or beside you.

Haha..just another crappy thought. Ja-na

Slowing Down

2008-01-15T02:01:00.000+08:00

I don't know what made me slow down in writing in here, I guess its because of not enough feedback and I don't know what else to write..well I'll be updating me friendster's blog and see whats the response like over there..hehe..

Uniforms

2007-10-19T01:48:00.001+08:00

I remembered my 1st day in school, I wear uniform, I hate it, cause I have to look the same like others. The only thing that separates me from others is my name tag. Thats why I treasured it so much. In secondary school, the same shit still happening. This time, I can see that people are trying to be different though wearing the same shit. From hairstyle to shoes to accessories. It doesn't make any difference, we all still look the same in uniform.

You must be lost when you read the 1st paragraph. Well, the thing is students get to forget what the teacher teach them after secondary school, and pick up different stuff in college and then university. stuff like clubbing and picking up chics, casual sex and smoking pot from the college days, then trying to be rebellious and go against the government when they are in university. When they step into the career life. It all changes, money is more important, cause without it, they will be no savings account. no savings account equals no credit card, no credit card equals cannot flash in front of chics, cannot flash in front of chics equals no percentage in marriage anytime soon.

So, where are we going here?*giggles* Lets start from the beginning. I was saying that people tend to forget what had been taught in school. Well, theres one thing for sure I'm really certain they won't forget. Uniforms. If you don't believe me, hit the clubs on weekends or even as early as Thursday. (Reminder, this ideology only refers to Malaysian Clubbing scene). When you hit the club, try and look at what the guys and the girls wear. If you can see everyone is wearing different fashion or different clothing style, I can safely say the next day of that day you saw that, will snowflakes fall on Malaysian soil.*giggles*

I'm so sorry I can't continue writing cause every time when I think of this subject, it never fails to make me laugh till I roll on the floor. Ja-Na

Racist?

2007-10-19T01:30:00.000+08:00

This has been the most sensitive issue that everyone try to avoid looking into. Try to avoid talking about it. Try to avoid not to even touch it and just act as if its not there.

Well let me tell you something. If you don't talk about it, argue about it, look into it, you know know whats already happening to it, how deep does it go, how wide does it spreads. In Malaysia, what I can see is people non-stop telling other people "Oh, I'm not racist I am Malaysian". Fuck you la! Not racist. Look at Maxis, tell me the majority people working in it. Look at starbucks, tell me the majority people working in it, McD's, Burger King and the list goes on. Look at "Kedai Motor Ah Chong" and you'll see the difference.

All you bastard sitting in you bloody cubicle so up high in the 10th floor (and above) all you see is traffic jam and chics outside your office. Don't you ever think that someone in your "job application" filing really needs the job. Does looks really matter when you flip burgers? or grind coffee? or arrange whats going to be on air? they don't see your bloody face, end results matters then how much KCC paint you put on your bloody face. Or how many inch of heels are you on. If you wanna be a porn star just say so, I can arrange the shooting date, hire some male actor and we make millions. better then a 9-5 job right?

If you want everyone to be happy, just let everyone try, so many times elderly say "belum cuba, belum tau". Still so stubborn, so stuck up.

Then jobless people get more jobless, government trying to help, yes of course, government spend hell alot of money for undergraduate or jobless people, but this is where companies take advantage. "you diploma holder ar? ok la..i pay you rm800, wanna work?" Hallo! If you stay in my hometown, 800 ringgit can survive la, you stay in bloody kl? 800 ar? pay the room rent koyak already la the pocket!

Then goes the lecture "oh, our company needs to cut cost la..everything expensive la" hallo! prostitute still charging rm188 full package..what the fuck? Rubber price go up also still 188, oil price go up also still 188, still can bullshit college student everything expensive ar? aiyo. Why can't you just tell them "We are sorry we cannot afford to pay you that high cause we want to take advantage of you" or "we can't afford to pay you that high cause, you don't look handsome/pretty" the list can go on..

So tell me, are we racist? or are we just still racist? Can you even stop it? Of course u can't it runs in our blood. If racism can be stopped, John Lennon would have been King of the world already. *giggles* Until then Ja-Na

Playing Nice?

2007-10-19T01:07:00.000+08:00

Theres always a saying from the elders "What comes around goes around" or "Give and Take" and so on. To think of it, all this proverbs don't come into practice no more don't you think?

Imagine you're in your office doing your work, being out of the boss's radar to being eliminated from the firm (sounds like a reality TV show to me). Let me rephrase, being fired.*giggles* Sometimes your colleague will bug you to help them out with stuff e.g "How to print ar? Why my pc cannot print ar?" or "Why my pc cannot surf ar?" or "Why cannot photocopy like how you do it ar?". Aren't they manuals to all that? like "Help" button on windows and manuals for machines around the office? Are they really that dumb? What did they learn in college or university? Wank to porn? Pickup opposite sex and hope to score on the same day? (To parents reading this, please plug off your ASTRO when you go to sleep, don't think that ASTRO = no playboy channel = safe. Still got some stupid show that can ruin your children's life).

Then when you help your colleagues in office they tend to depend on you more and tend to ask you to do stuff for them more, from photocopying to printing to typing letters and then doing their job for them, without you knowing it end of the day. Which institute did they go to. I also wanna learn how to do that. When promotion day comes, you don't get it. They get it. What the fuck? Then they expect people to throw them a party because the get promoted.

Now, think of it. Is it still safe to play nice in your everyday life? Is it worth it? Seen a girl on the street with ripped off cloth, you might think that she just got raped or something, offer her help and the next thing you get is you're the one that got reported, now you're IT!! still don't get my drift?

Let see, heres another e.g driving back from office to house, saw a car broke down, saw 2 or 3 people trying to stop any car that pass by, you decide to offer help, wham! you got robbed!

Someone ask you for direction, then you tell them "oh its that way"...great theres a knife pointing at your throat, you got robbed again!

Wheres the manners that once our elderly people taught us? I'm not saying people out there are "kurang ajar" or something similar to that. Is just that the economy is so bad, even I can't get a decent job. But, I don't go around and extort people's money, but end of the day I'm still the one that has no food on the plate at home, still at least I know I'm not barbaric enough to pull up a stunt like how they report it in the papers or what we see everyday.

P/S: Don't believe I can't get a job? Try and pull up 7-11 job application files, see how many of my form went there? Not enough evidence? Try Starbucks or Burger King or McDs..I'll write on Racist soon...Is It Racist or Are you scared? *grin*

Are they really that bad?

2007-10-19T00:55:00.000+08:00

I've been out of the chatting realm (mIRC) for quite a while now, as well as yahoo messenger and also MSN messenger. Been playing this MMORPG they like to call it..which stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. Its an online game that gives you an RPG feel (wiki RPG, I'm to lazy to explain). Since then, I've been a bitch to that game, dammit! (thanks to douglas, with World Of Warcraft now? damn). Getting back to the point.

This game is running from a server which turns out to handle south east asia region since its a Korean game, US has it too. Now, the servers are run by bloody Sings or Singaporeans, like most Malaysian our 1st impression towards them is "Ek eleh, Kiasu siot!" or "Mai Kiasu la Kiasi ho bi Kiasu la" or "What the fuck is wrong with you dude!" *giggles*. So we have alot of international players in it. Singaporeans, Malaysians, Filipinos, Thais, Vietnamese, Aussies, Indonesians, Kiwis and lots more. I've mingled with a lot of Singaporeans and they are fine to me, are they really that bad?

I have to admit some are quite fucked up, but not all are like what everyone said. I guess our previous prime minister wasn't to happy with the prime minister over there that fucked up a few deals and it became a big issue that Singaporeans are fucked up. Not to me though. I found a few decent Singaporeans that can be tagged along with. Like Malaysian I can safely say.

Now the fucked up part is the management/company that runs the server for the game, that do the marketing for the game, that was given the license from the Korean themselves to run the show. These are the real fucked up people. Well, end of the they they are still fucked up, not all but most of them. *giggles* until then Ja-Na

Commitment

2007-09-22T03:34:00.000+08:00

I've seen various kinds of commitment that different people give in different ways. Some give their all to their love ones but when it comes to risk in making their future brighter their balls ain't bigger then church mice. Some give their all to survive everyday, and end up being the thug or the criminal that commits crime which everyone list down in their bloody brains as "wrong". Some give their all in what they love doing most and end up not being appreciated or thank for. Some give their all to the greater good of the interest of many, but in the end being condemn and label as someone very vicious and greedy and unthoughtful. What is right? What is wrong? No one knows that in the World today. No one seems to care whether its right or wrong. All they know is if everyone does it, then is right. So if everyone start raping underage kids its right, everyone becomes a conman and con all the others that tries to have a better tomorrow then its right, everyone start to open food stalls cause is the best business then its right, everyone opens a car showroom cause the government gives new APs then its right? Why can we all be different? Our name is already different, our face is different, our skin is different, our house has different locations. If everyone going towards the same thing, who is going to pick up the trash? Who is going to sweep the floor? Who is going to serve in the restaurant? Who is going to design clothing? who is going to make movie? who is going to sing songs? Who is going to write books? Who is going to represent the younger generation in what they do best? Everyone that does all these is not in the country anymore, cause others in other countries on this very Earth appreciates other people's nobility in what they do best. Variety is something wonderful. Lets just take the easiest example. Botanical Garden, if all the flower in that bloody garden is the same, would u even want to look at the picture? Until then.. Ja-Na!

Bumiputra

2007-09-22T03:29:00.000+08:00

Note:Whoever that is going to start reading this, please don't feel offended and if you are, I'm am deeply sorry for I'm only drawing out my thoughts. I'm me, kill me if you to. Don't left me half dead cause I'll make sure you won't see the next sunrise. :D

My eldest brother went to the government office to ask for for loan to do business, paperwork done, 5 years company done, documentation done. The only feedback the officer gave was "Awak tidak layak di panggil bumiputra kat sini dik"

What the fuck? Whos bumiputra in the 1st place? malays in west malaysia or the tribes in Sarawak? dude(to that officer) get your facts right! Read your history books, else ask you mommy or daddy who was the people that sacrifice their asses when japanese come and rape and kill everyone in West Malaysia. Damn you!

Anyways, I will write more about this..hehe..Ja-Na

Three down, Two more to go!

2007-05-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

Today I woked up at 6am, bathed and went to Putrajaya with my brother. Had breakfast there, its really nice to have breakfast there, very calm, no disturbance, not much of noise, all you can hear is the ceiling fan spinning. The mee goreng is superb!

At 7:30am sharp we shoot off to the hospital. I had an appointment to extract my wisdom tooth. It had to be removed surgically. Was kinda scary, cause its my 1st time doing all this shit. After the surgeon looked at my tooth x-ray, she said, "You want, I extract 3 1st for you 1st"; I said, "Wahlau eh, Sure or not can be done?". The the surgeon told me is possible. I agreed to the plan.

To tell you the truth, having to pay 52 ringgit to extract 3 tooth with that kinda treatment, its more then worth it. The surgeon did a superb job with it. 2 had to be surgically remove, one extract normally. 2 are wisdom tooth and one is a broken tooth. Started at 9:45am and finished at 11:00am. I'm recommending people who wanna settle their tooth problem to go to putrajaya hospital. Its worth you trip there. The seats are comfortable the air-con are cold enough. But, to get to the hospital, you need to go to the klinik putrajaya to make sure that your tooth is bad enough for the surgeon to repair. The clinic is also good. Damn my mouth stings. Well I better get some rest now. Ja-na!

Smokin Asses!

2007-05-14T19:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went to 3 shopping mall. My friend wanted to get a set of bikini, don't ask me why cause I never even bother asking her. Ikano Power Center was having this promotion with mattress and beds and all that, The Curve is crowded by people because of the bundle stall or flea market like one of my friend mention. If its a flea market, why not just sell flea right? Since bundle shops in Uptown is not that save to go to unless you're going in a group. This bundle stalls are more for classy people. I can see all kinds of females that are in various kinds of fashion, going for the same blouse! Pathetic! No offense, its like guys watching porn movies. So girls, don't complain. You have your weakness too. Cineleisure has cool anime and hobby shops, I'd go back there one more time to get what I wanted. The air-con was super cold there.

Anyways, that is all beside the point, the point I'm trying to make is, with all this crowd, as me and my friend was walking back to IKEA (thats what i parked my car), I saw a 8-10 years old boy sitting at the pathway (where Starbucks is at The Curve), some mat salleh's kid, looked pretty cute, curly hair with a cap (reminds me of ACDC) and well dressed, at that point I start to wonder, wheres the parents. But, every thought of that stop the moment I saw a cigarette bud on his right hand, I was like telling myself "What the fuck?". Even I started smoking when I was only primary 6. Damn. Until Ja-na!

ViewSonic

2007-05-09T09:51:00.000+08:00

yeay! got myself a 22 inch ViewSonic! bloody cheap ok! haha..now i can watch porn in widescreen! Coolness! Ja-na!

Another Day of Reminiscence...

2007-04-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

Today I woke up early again, went for a meeting early in the bloody morning. Came back at noon and slept for a while, what do you expect? Its Sunday! Well, as usual went and had my lunch with my brother at "Makcik Murah USJ" thats what we tagged the place as. Its because, its cheap and theres a vast variety of food to be picked.

Later in the evening, I got a reply from a dude that I messaged on friendster.com, which happens to be my friends younger brother. Well, he gave me his brother's number. Damn I was glad, and after that I got another 2 of my long lost friend's contacts. So far its my complete circle of friends which I really hanged on to back in the days. Ting Tiew Hui, Liew Mee Leong and Lau Nei Poh. Why? Cause they are my cycling mate and we won 3rd place in a race back in hometown, thats why! Until then, Ja-na!

Sarikei The Swan Town?

2007-04-28T06:45:00.000+08:00

Still can't sleep, so I just check the feedbacks to my blogsite and found this dude asked me to check out his website, which happens to be my beloved hometown. You guys should check it out to. A reminder, please use IE to check it out, firefox can burn 'em in..dammit..the link is available in my Trijectorical list.

I don't like the sound of it, wheres the pineapple that our forefathers tried so hard to make it the best breed ever on earth's soil? goddammit, my late father won't like this news. All the hard work to do R&D down the drain because of politics? It should be and always be Sarikei The Pineapple Town. This is one of the most unique town ever! You can even buy stuff that KL kids have as apperals back in '95 at my hometown! *grins* thats why its so unique. Anyways I'll update more on my beloved hometown..until then Ja-na!

Understanding over Knowledge..?

2007-04-28T04:52:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping early for these few days, I mean really early. I'll take my bath at 7pm and I'll be tucking in by 8pm and here I am wide awake. Ever since, I felt like writing back, a part of me which I never imagine tapped before.

Theres a discussion, or should I say a meeting which I attended with The Great Minds of the World. Really a relief you know, getting some enlightenment from The Great Mind himself, every part of our body needs to consume something, no?. Its like I'm craving for more and more, but its getting harder and harder each step I take to the stair which several months back I weren't able to even see the door.

The Great Mind mentioned, knowledge is a carrier for a value, and what is that value? Understanding of different sorts of knowledge will give you the other half to materialize what was written or told. Its obvious that, Understanding is still more valuable. Knowledge?

Anyone can obtain knowledge, through reading or forced to read, thats why around us, we are able to confront with two genres of human kind. The Dropouts and The Graduates.

Status of who is being smarter and who is being more successful was always an issue in human life for centuries. But, was it an issue for God? We are taught by our religion not to hate our enemy but to forgive and be nice to them. That one particular sentence can mean a lot of things.

It doesn't have to be our enemy as in people that hurt us or people that ruined our life in the past. Its about leveling, segregating, truncating and putting a border line between each other. Its an easier way to make one feel better in his/her comfort zone.

What if you were to think really carefully about what I've mention in the earlier paragraph "through reading or forced to read". You all know that our parents really love us, is just that, the various ways of affections that they shown to us through out the years and years to come effects us in different way. Some had good experience and some had it the other way.

No everyone can be the same, else there will be no balance. So the ones that reads a lot doesn't mean will get good scores in schools or university, the ones that are shown in the news through variety ways of mass media are just a small percentage the success rate.

Actually, the one that really enjoys reading are the ones that spend half of their lifetime reading. It can be anything, from reading story books to comic books. These are the ones that even risk their time for reading, where their parents want them to do some other activities which they thought its more productive, then just sitting in a spot and hopefully their eyes won't get spoiled being to stagnant.

As for the ones that are force to read, these are the ones that actually suffer in their lifetime. Forced to read and like it, force to understand, which is something not right to do.

But, every parents wants a better life for their generation to come. We can't blame whats above us. We have to deal with it and move on, so that our generations to come won't have to face the same shit that we've been through.

When the one that likes to read stumble across something they shouldn't have, their perception towards something changed. Principles and rules build up around them. These are when they space out and isolate themselves. I'm not saying is a bad thing, but to learn so much about something in life makes one a more dangerous person. Don't forget the Englishmen once said, "Its better not to know, then to know".

The one that are forced to read does not give a shit about what they are reading as long as they memorizes it and pass every single test in school and drill their way right in the university. End of the day when they start a career life, nothing that they have read can be put into practice. Frustration builds up, stress levels are hitting boiling spots, anger rages and temper devour. Suicide was always the easy way to get away with things, again an easy way to your comfort zone. Theres a saying, "When you do it, do it right".

Now, who would be fallen into the category of understanding and who will be in the podium of knowledge? Does it matters?

Still, by working together hand in hand, results will be shown. Thus, theres a place call "company" or "workspace" for these heads to collide and make things happen. With understanding and knowledge materializing something will be made possible.

But at one point, human will start to get smart and start to get arrogant (no wonder the aliens don't like us so much). We start to fight over who will take the limelight.

Was it worth it? To study till your heads ticked like a time bomb. Was is worth it? To stay jobless and do things that one wants to do? Was it worth it? To just stay in a spot where you're been offered a better one? Was it worth it? To climb the stairs as quick as you can to get to the top?

These are all rubbish I'm reminding you. Until then.. Ja-na!

Jinx?

2007-04-27T14:23:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder that you really had bad luck going through your day?

Beats me, to me its just the force of balance to even things up, to even the good things you had in life no matter the timespan. Everyone wants to have a good day everyday. Ever thought of what about the bad days? Is it even with the good times you have? Does it balance up with what you enjoyed?

To have jolly friends, to have great times with your love ones, to have successful careers, to achieve your personal goals to answer what you crave for.

What about the bad things that you are trying to avoid. Its usually to hide the ugliness, to show people that your normal and trying to be perfect one. Trying to look good one day, trying to look masculine one day, trying to look cool one day. Isn't that what everyone wants. What about what everyone don't want?

To enjoy a good life you need to experience all sorts of situations. To bitch about your problems is one thing, to accept and get through it is another.

Being seen is like a BMW (no offense to all beemer fans). Looks good in the outer part, averagely bad in the inner part. Look really good outside, definitely rotten inside. Don't you ever think why are blondie's dumb?

Is all about balance. blondie's are never dumb, we should pity them, they have to take the fall of being dumb, whereby others are smart. Ever thought of a certain percentage of blondie's trying to be smart and clever but still end up dumb? They are going against the nature force of balance.

Trying to look good is one thing, making yourself look good is another. Trying is when failure is the answer, one will stop. Making is a whole new thing. Its forcing. Trying and force your partner to do something. All u get back is either a slap or no sex for a month! *giggles*

Theres a friend of mine named Warren once said, theres a meter to measure the brain. It comes in 3 parallel levels. Its either Clever-Clever-Stupid, Clever-Stupid-Clever, Stupid-Clever-Clever, Stupid-Clever-Stupid, or Stupid-Stupid-Clever. End of the day who cares? Thats what you are. If you friend can't accept it. Then he/she is definitely not your friend! I'll touch on friendship soon. Until then Ja-na!

Old Friends....

2007-04-27T13:44:00.000+08:00

What can I say? Friendster really rocks! *smiles* today I got a ex-classmate..from primary school! I repeat primary school! sent me a message. Audrey is her name and she look rather like Ella ( A malaysian female singer) dammit!

To tell you the truth, seeing old friends pictures brings me back to my roots, brings me back to my hometown, brings me back a huge load of memories which is still fresh in the back of my head. To the one place, where there is no worries, no jams, no hassle and everything a human need is all there. Smuggled liquors, cigarettes, and electronic goods. Life is good back in Sarikei, I'd stay there one day, the day that when I'm old enough to be entitle to have the post "pension". Oh man!, life is so tiring, full of test, full of stress, full of disappointment rather then comfort, full of rage rather then love, full of deceiving acts rather then sincerity. I wonder when will this torment ends. When will we live a normal simple happy life where everyone can smile at each other and laugh over tea time.

Please my old friends out there...Julian, Andrew and the rest of my primary school friends. Lets come together, the world today is so advance and yet we lost touch of each other. Until then..Ja-na!

Circle

2007-04-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

How do you define a circle? Is it just a sphere that started off from a point of a pencil on a piece of paper that eventually moved by force to go into a curve and end up at the same point where you started? Or is it when u stand in one position and turn around with your God gifted body which has muscles and your eyes sees things around you and tells your mind that you're moving in 360 degrees? Or you define it as a radius around you that you're able to sense or notice things that evolves and progress every single second of your precious life?

Circle can be define in various ways. It can be define from a dictionary for those who just learn the word circle, or for those who are lazy to think about what circle really meant in the first place. It is actually a sphere that is form from a point of a pencil and to be move in a curve direction and ends up at the point where it started. To think of that particular motion and to adapt it to you daily life, thats what its all about. From the very moment you open your eyes from a beautiful dream or a nightmare or even a wet dream with your love ones, and smell the very air that your brain recognizes, your smelly teddy bear or blanket or pillow that haven't been washed for days, the scent of your odor, your lovers fragrances that stains on your shirt or pillow, the morning breeze. Then, you'll clean up yourself and get ready for whatever you're suppose to do after you have your very 1st meal of the day, which is considered the most important one, breakfast. Then you spend you whole day outside of you bedroom doing productive activities like work, studies, socializing, experience, and memories which you'll keep or forget. When night falls, you'll come back to bed and your body tells you that you're tired enough to shut down and rest and it goes back to square one. Sleep.

What if I tell you that every single thing that you do in life is base on that very circle that we use to draw in kindergarten? Would you agree? Things that you do over and over again every single day but you don't realize that actually life is just a circle, a mere cycle that make you go through the sun and the moon which human labeled it as a day. In the world today things get so complicated. I can just pick one good topic to talk about. Sexes.

Why must women prefer to be with women, or men prefer men? Is it a trend? Or does an individual feels that he/she is born in such a way to be like that? God created two different species of human so that the cupid would have their job to shoot bloody arrows, ain't that Valentine's Day for? No? Why in the hell Valentine's Day is such a hype these days? Flowers and chocolates, gifts and dinner, constructive words that triggered the mind to say "OK" to sex and end up having a miscarriage or going through an abortion when Durex wasn't pleasurable and pornography is disgusting to both genders that thinks that they are good in whatever that they are doing and do not need safety and guidelines in what will happen when the real load of shit drop on them. Therefore, hatred develops and evolves into a change of preferences in gender. Women starts to seek women and men starts seeking men. Its because the level of comfort zone is easier to obtain in that manner? Its because the word solution is overrated? Where is the challenge factor in an individual like that? Wheres the feeling of getting up and try again? Wheres the sense of adventure in seeking for a life partner? Where is the love?

You might think that its a harsh thing to say, but hey, its reality, it happens every single day and there are worse. Guy can't get girl to bed, guy gets frustrated, end up butt fucking another guy. Hilarious may it seems, but the agony of not getting a female in a men's life duels deep down in his heart and it won't submerge ever again. Its because he decided to take the easy way to his comfort level, and dare to call himself a man?. Englishmen labeled the word "Gay". Next thing, some idiot got trapped in it, and for all you know, it became an "in-thing" to do? Again, hilarious may it seems, but what about females? Their agony pars with the males doesn't it? Lets see, girl gets guy to like her, she blushes. Girl gets guy to buy her things, she blushes. Girl gets guy to do things for her, she blushes. Girl found out that the guy is an expert in a game called "Cinta Kayu Tiga" (sorry to non-malaysian readers, its called the Love Triangle game). Girl gets angry cause she loses her virginity to the guy, gets angry because she put effort in loving the guy, gets angry because she spend so much of time, money and effort to make sure that in public she and him can be seen by the public as one hype, happy and loving couple which she hope and wishes that people will be jealous about, hopefully can be a role model to them who wants to be coupled in the near future and being published in magazine and be glamorous. After all this, she ended up to be with another women. Englishmen labeled the word "lesbian". Another idiot got trapped in such situation the only difference is the gender, the porn industry picks it up and finds it intriguing, the next thing you know, they made money out of it. Creative may it sound, but hey its against the circle that everyone went through. Mother nature doesn't like that. Thus, disaster falls on earth in separate regions. It won't happen without a reason.

Living in denial is about phrase that it seems to fit the puzzle. They are 2 species of these for both sexes. Lets start with guys, since I am one. Guy dates a transsexual, and guy dates another hot looking macho guy. What is the difference? Well there is a BIG difference. Lets start off with guy dating transsexual. Well its another way of tagging himself as "I still can fuck a chic but its a he, thats all" or rather equivalent to "loser", but that word doesn't strike much of a person's feeling, we're Malaysian, so we might say these kinds of dudes are more labeled as "dungu(loser) or dugong (sea lion without a ball)" its a word that doesn't imply in proper manner. Just a word. To actually tagged the guy a sea lion is still fine, what about the transie? He is not even he anymore, he's half way to becoming a she but he's not she, so how do people address them? Mak Nyah (some term to to be polite in Bahasa Melayu) to be denial about life, sampah (rubbish) to be truthful but hurting. Another category is a guy that dates a guy that looks like a guy. Well lets simply put it as "I still can fuck a chic but its a he" only that this time its an updated version. Softwares has patches, so does humans. We humans try to make living a better experience. Now its version 2.0! What a breakthrough!

What about the females? Well females do have 2 species too. Theres female dates female looking female and female dates male looking female. Difference? We'll start with a female dates a female looking female. Its another way to tell we men "Hell, she treats me better then you do". Well what are friends for in the 1st place? Are they for you to fight over a guy that is cute so that you can ditch you friend? Are they for you to fight over a dress cause you think you can fit in better and look better? Are they for you to fight over who looks and acts better like Paris Hilton? The answer is no, friends are for you to go to consult with and get over with you troubles. They are as good as your family members, why do friends exist is because your family are unavailable at time or can't really understand your feelings. Only a friend can do that, to understand you to comfort you and to cheer you up. This applies the same to males too. Heres another example of how a female runs to her comfort zone using a shortcut. As for the females that like male looking females. Its total rubbish, its such an obvious scenery that you're living in a denial life. Its like showing people that you want a guy, but you want the guy without balls and a shaft cause without that you won't have to go through with another night where that thing will have to drill you through the night and makes you dehydrated and tired. Well, what is the mouth and brains for darling? To speak your mind out! Don't take the short way to your comfort zones, work it out. You'll be satisfied with your effort to solve this very problem.

As for naturally born human that likes their own genders, please don't be upset with what I wrote, because to me, you are the ones who are the people that the others are going to meet and ask and learn what is it like to be like you. Hopefully they'll learn your good skills and attitude to be a better person. Whereby you have to endure your nature. To like your own gender naturally is not a blessing its a curse, but you have to remember that you'll have something special in you that no ordinary human have, and that is Why Queer Eye For A Straight Guy show is so famous! Cause they have realize WHO they are and WHAT they are capable of. You can make a difference, start small and grow strong. You are the species that the human have to look up to, because it doesn't matter what gender are you, you have both in you, and having that naturally gives you the ability to judge whats good and whats not in you very own opinion. That is something that actually people is hunger for. Not your tight assholes or your long fingers.

Well thats a pile of crap that I never though I'll ever write, but hey! I just finished it! Until then, as usual, write me back about this one..Ja-na!

The Balance?

2007-03-12T05:59:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking to myself and been looking people around me every single day. Trying to understand the eagerness of waking up in the morning, going through the jam on the highway, get to the office in time, work for five days, and at the end of the week, party in clubs or rest at home. Thats the normal thing that everyone sees around them and feels around them. I've tried to understand the urge of materialism in the world that everyone is living in today. Clothings, to cover ones body. Cars, to make one comfortable at all times. Watches, to keep track of time. Hand phones, to communicate. Wallets, to keep important things in it. Handbags, to differentiate between genders. Shoes, to keep one's feet clean. All these are actually what we need, but being transformed into what we want. Some became suckers for either one of these. Some are forced to want it, some forced themselves to want it, others just have whatever there is left. Today, fights of materialistic inventions between the two sexes, which one are men's which one are women's gets higher and higher each minute.

Everyone admits that they have feelings when it comes to relationship or friendship or at the workplace to get sympathy from the opposite party which unintentionally hurt their feelings. What about the other less fortunate people? What about the victim of natural and man made unforeseen events? What about the ones that even didn't know how to complaint? Did we ever look at that point and carry on? Did we ever helped the needy? Would we be thinking of helping the needy when we are not in their positions? Would we even care to take part?

Pretentious and denial is to words with merely the same meaning, but when its imply to two different individual, the outcome is totally different but in a same manner. What is the objective of being such? If one is to believe that fairy tale do come through, why must reality be such a harsh sight to look at and such a torture to endure?

Love? What is love to human being? Being in love, a male and female have attractions for each other. Some find true love, but it lasted for months, or at most, years. To have a physically stunning partner is to be seen by others, is the heart really true to each other? To give and receive shows tolerance between the couple, but to receive and give what? To love the same gender because the opposite gender was a painful experience. Is this wrong? Or is it just another solution to rebound? To feel safe in the arms of the same gender is something that is against mother nature. But to be born with such attribute is to show to the world that this person have to endure life no matter what God had given him. Its two very different situation. Having a couple which have the pretentious and denial factor in them, will be good to look at in public. But have they stay true to their feelings? What about someone else that really show the tendency of true love? Aren't they the ones that should have been given a chance to show internally the true feeling of this wonderful thing called love?

Getting acquaintance with someone is a basic thing to be evolved into something human called friendship, maybe relationship and hopefully a happy ending. Reality shows nothing about getting to know someone else. If a guy tries to get to know a girl, they call it "pick up line's good ey!". If its the opposite, they called it "damn, thats one hell of a slut!". Wheres the smile, the nod, the "hi" and all the other body language stuff that back in the old days it worked perfectly for our ancestors? Why must there be "a Lamborghini before u can date me"?

A simple understanding of relationship relates to the cycle of people's daily life. Affecting from the workplace, right till the very own house that one is staying under. Why can't there be balance in between the center? Why can't the ease of smiling be around be around anymore? Why can't people care about each other? The balance of everything that one does is in one's own hands. There is no one to blame, there is no one to take the blame. Its all in the mind.

Its been a while since i wrote in my blog, just writing crap, don't bother thinking about what i just wrote! If u do, please send me some feedbacks. Indeed The Balance is a great force, but to overcome it takes courage and risk. Until then..Ja-na!

Memoirs, Dreams, Materialize, Hon-To-Ni-Deska?

2007-01-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

In 2001, I've been expose to KL live. I must say more to selangor kind of life, KL's more hectic. Well, being a teenager in a place full of Lust, Temptation, Greed and Fog of Feelings. I have to be grateful to a handful of people which makes me the person I am today. Firstly, I have to thank my buddy Eric Choo a.k.a Yoshito, don't matter if we still keep in touch or not, but he's the 1st friend that I really had which is the same age with me when I got the first job on my own (minus the other part time jobs i got through people). Well, basically he's the one that poised me, the one that that taught me, the one that was with me through thick and thin. But, not all Eric, not all(laughs).

In 2002 (if I'm not mistaken) I met this wonderful person, which turn my life 360 degrees round vertically and 180 degrees horizontally. Lets just keep it as the letter "D" so I won't offend anyone in any matter. Well, as lame as you want to call it, I met D over the Internet. We corresponded through e-mails and finally get to meet up and get along quite well at first. I found out that D is someone that i really can tag along with after Shirley. D is someone I can say that really Materialize my dream of an ideal companionship. It all tagged along until I made a very bad bad mistake. I really regretted it, still D gave me a second chance but I blew it not long after that. How naive of me at that time. I treasure, remember, mourn and dream that one day I could meet D again to say "This is me now, this is what happened to me after you left, after I learned it the hard way, after I have to start all over from crawling out of the shit hole that i dug with my own two hands, then walked then clean up the shit all over me, then stand up on my own two feet".

I really suffer all these years. At first, I try to get over it. I did but eventually memoirs will come back when one lays head on the pillow and the minutes to dreamland, the thoughts of the past will haunt the mind. I figured out that I still can't get over the fact that D is the one. I strife to be a better person from a jerk to a person, which until today I still want to improve. Because, I always believe that one day, just one day, I'll be given a second chance to contact D. True enough I just did a few hours back. I still can't believe this is happening, but its happening. I'm not expecting anything from D. All I want is another chance to make it right this time. That's all I asked and I hope that the Person Upstairs allows that. Cause in most cases He won't. Well until then, more about D next time. Ja-na!

My Beloved Leader?

2006-11-30T17:23:00.000+08:00

Although I don't know much about politics, although I didn't get corrupted by currencies, the fact that Dr. Mahathir had put up a big umbrella above all Malaysian citizens for 22 years, we enjoy our moments, we critize when bad things happens, end of the day we still sleep well and continue our lives. After that 22 years, no one sleeps well, no one earns enough, to live another day, only hearing people say, "Whats happening to Malaysia?". Now you feel the pinch, now you feel the pain for the evil one has risen, for the corrupted one has reign. Unity is all we have left, together we stand. Harmony is in our blood, holidays all round in a year. Dr. Mahathir, the county misses your touch, ABB, your banglow in Aussie dah siap, migrate only lar!!

Too Young? hon-to-ni-des?

2006-11-19T10:30:00.000+08:00

I killed my time by browsing through Friendster profiles, while waiting for my laundry to be done. To my surprise, girls these days are much more matured compared to the population of matured looking girls last time. It makes me wonder, what are the scientist mixing in them milk powders? Gosh, at the age of 15, one can look like 19 or 20, height, body proportion, looks...imagine how old they will look when they reach 25? I guess its the world we evolve in ey? No wonder rapist are so active recently. What a day to begin with on a sunny sunday! Until then Jana!

Successful?

2006-10-31T01:46:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I wrote anything in here. Due to some circumstances I wasn't able to come in here, my power supply blewed off while playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. I guess games now dosen't concern a high end graphic card anymore, it needs lots of power! Well, I guess I won't be playing games for a while. I was reading The Star papers a while ago (Monday issue) and theres this article where it tells the reader that anyone can be succesful. To me, its major bullshit, newspapers, what else can they feed the society?

I had lived for 26 years now, though I know its short compared to others which had lived until 80-100 years old. Maybe I wasn't meant to live that long thats why God had give me so much wisdom in common sense, so much that sometimes I feel so down looking things around me evolve in a good and bad manner simultaneously. So, what is succesful all about to a person? Just a thought, some might be inspired by people around them, some might even be motivated by their breathing ambience and some just got extra lucky along the path that they are walking, which comes to my question, what does successful mean?

Theres this magazine which measures one's wealth, Forbes. Is being successful all about the wealth that you can dig from mother nature? Theres a book which measures what people can do, Guiness Book of Records. Is being successful getting attention on what you do best in life when you realize that you can do much better then usual? Just to mention a few materialistic success in a life of a person. What about being successful in life where one feels descended from a normal life to a higher being in a spiritual sense, is that too measured as successful too?

So what if someone is successful? What do you get out of success? Satisfactory? Fame? Glamour? Attention? Are humans that easily contempted with life nowadays where the Elders worked so hard to keep their generations flow into the future. Inventions and breathroughs of things and understandthing for the future, discovering new possibilities, building complex concepts, giving bright unique ideas. Why must success be publisize? To show people that you're successful? To motivate the de-motivated? What about balance? Things are fair and square, one can be happy and sad but not at the same time? Couples exist? Blue need Yellow to be Green. Dosen't all religion teaches their believers to be balance in life? To limit everything that they do in live? What about greed and generous?

Balance is something that everyone is lack of these days. Thats why the world had become what it is today. Unbalance, some may thing that, but if you get to think a little bit deeper, its all balance still. Balance evolve from a dot, surrounded by a circle and the circle that surround the circle and the next one. Isn't that how the solar system was being visualized today?. Isn't balance a wonderful thing? When a happy couple had a great time on a fine evening, another is having troubles and arguements? Someone can win a lottery ticket that he bought, but the other loses his job when he had a family to feed. So what is successful got to do with balance?

End of the day, to be successful is to balance between the light and the dark side of oneself. Though, some might thing that its impossible. Everything is possible, rain falls, sun shines, earth shatters, ice melts. Patients ruled over haste, calm ruled over rage, humbleness ruled over pretentious, sincererity ruled over egoistic. Sharing ruled over selfishness. To blame something happen might be a nature to every human whenever they fail, but theres someone to tell them its wrong to have that habit. To blame someone over their own mistake whenever things go wrong, at last the wrong things comes back to him. What goes around comes around. Still, it all comes to balance in life.

I'm saying all this to comfort myself actually. I've been through something that a 26 year old man shouldn't go through, that a 26 year old should be sleeping right this moment so that he can wake up and start a new day in his office with his tie on and his ironed shirt with a pair of slacks and polished shoe with socks in it. I had always hold on to this thoughts whenever I feel down. I have read so many article to boost my morale, I have been going through job vacancies in the newspapers. When I think to myself, why am I no more excited about new jobs?, no more eager to find a job to earn a living, when I'm barely surviving. My car is about to be impound soon enough. Phone will be cut off, internet will be offlined, landlord of the house will chase me away.Why is this happening to me, am I under motivated? Am I ending my life just like this? Throwing it down the drain just in a glimpse?

TV Series?

2006-10-24T09:13:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching Desperate Housewives Season 3 episode 5. The story just get juicer everytime, things that you don't expect to happen, just happened. Thats one thing I liked about some TV series. Series like LOST Season 3(running), Battlestar Galactica Season 3(running), Vanished Season 1(stalling), Heroes Season 1(running), Jericho Season 1(running), Smallville Season 6(Thanks to Istella, I'm now hooked to it!), Dexter Season 1(running), Smith Season 1 (stalling), Shark Season 1(stalling), Kidnapped Season 1(running), The Nine Season 1(running), Prison Break Season 2(stalling) and the rest of the TV series that just showed they pilot episode were Aquaman, Faceless, Union Jackass and The Class. These are the TV series so far I've been keeping track on with.

Let me give a sneak peak for each and every title that I've just mentioned. As usual Desperate Housewives, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, Smallville, Prison Break, Surface, Evasion and Threshold is shown on national TV. Surface, Evasion and Threshold are Sci-Fi TV series and only end at the 1st Season (dammit). I personally like Threshold alot, it makes you feel the alien's presents but there nowhere to be seen. Desperate Housewives is a famous title as well as LOST and the rest, so I won't want to talk on that so much. You can just post any feedback if you wanna know what happen in the latest episodes *grin*.

You might want to put some attention on Smallville Season 6 cause Green Arrow is in it for 8 episodes, Oliver Queen (Green Arrow)is a well-made character, I love it, the actor really suits the character, cool costume, cool bow and arrow(very high-tech looking).

As for LOST(my favourite TV series), things gets a lil nasty when Kate, Sawyer and Jack went into a big trap, as for Sayed and the Korean couple, they are just trying to help out, Micheal and Walter fled off in a boat, the mysterious Irish acscent guy will still be around cause his girlfriend was involve in the 2nd season finale.

Battlestar Galactica got a little violent compared to the last season. Killing and slicing, bombing and more bombing, and torturing. Great stuff. Well, thats where I learn the word Frack You! *laughs*. Just a sneak preview Lee has gotten fat(Commander's son), Starbuck grew long hair and became more feminine. Boomer gain's Adama's trust, Commander Tai is in detention, his wife get to frack the one fo the cylon. Its kind of intense when Battlestar and Pegasus try to rescue the remaining citizens of Galactica from New Caprica.

Prison Break (another one of my favourite) gets more and more intense, really keeps me off my feet everytime watching it. I tried to think what will happen in the next episode, but it always turned out differently and suprisingly, you'd be asking yourself (owh frack, what now?) and you'll start jumping out of your seat to watch and see what happen next, always messed up my popcorns. Okay, I'll give some juice, YES, they found the money, how? Well, you need to watch it yourself (unless you wanna come my house and watch *laughs*).

Something new to watch out for is Jericho, Vanished, Heroes, Dexter, Kidnapped and Smith. These are just a few of many which I would recommend to all you guys out there. Interesting plot, can't really predict what will happen, stuff like that really get you just want to watch the next episode so badly that it sometimes effect your daily mood.

Jericho tells a story about a small town in the States, some remote area. The main character is still keeping his identity secret and his family is pissed of because he just ran away without notice. So as he comes back, he'll run you around the town and introduce you to the characters and places, everything was calm and normal until, a boy was sitting on the roof top and saw mushroom clouds. Let the fun begin!

Vanished is about a US senator, going for elections, then one fine night at a dinner party, all of a sudden his wife vanished. An FBI agent who is so good in doing his job and taking down the bad guys, but one fine day he lost is son, appearently the terrorist blew up the son(4 to 5 years old), damn sick and terrified show, but thats the catch of this tv series. The best part is, the senator's past and family's secret were leaked out slowly in different ways.

If you guys are into psycho movies, or sick shows, watch Dexter. Its one frack-tup show, but interesting in a way, loads of blood involve, gorely ways of killing people in detail. Its beacuse, Dexter is a blood expert in the Police Department. His younger adopted sister is a cop to and both his adopted parents passed away in their teenage life. I nearly puked watching the pilot episode, thats how violent this one gets.

As for Heroes, well its a typical super hero movie, just that there are a bunch of them this time, consisting of a time traveller(male), double personality (one play nice, the other one just rip you apart)(female), unbelievable healing factor(female), mind reader(male), mind reader jammer(male), floats(male), really strong ass dude that can bent or destroy anything, draws the future (after jabbing himself with morphin) and of course, theres a Professor X which happens to be an Indian. Quite entertaining, this ones gonna kill your boredom.

Well thats all for now, until then. Ja-na!

How True Can Fitness Get?

2006-10-23T15:35:00.000+08:00

Got a call from my ex-colleague just now, apperently my ex-sub-boss is leaving the company. She's the one that hired me, and she's leaving now for another job, I wonder where? This woman is a very charismatic women, pretty, smart, cunning, and very resourceful. But, she'll bitch around if workload dosen't tele with the deadline. Thats one of the things that I will always remember. "Make sure you finish your job on time!" *smiles*. Well at least she's one of the bosses which I worked with that gave me good memoirs of a workplace (unlike others). I left the company after 3 months working, got stuck with a car now, jobless, what the frack you expect me to pay the car, miraclously I manage to survive until this very day, its been a year plus now. Why did I left? Well, imagine you're working with a snake (you will when you fell being bitten by one), thats how bad my department was. It was still a relief, when I heard that "The Snake" got fired, or quitted herself before getting fired (dosen't matter). I'm happy for my ex-colleagues from the same department, that she vanished from their sight.

What can I say about the work place? Its a good place to start if you think you're fit to do marketing job. Oh, trust me, you'll love it alot *grin* (Lets hope that no staff from True Fitness is reading this.*giggles*). Lets talk about ambience (Mr. Patrick Wee likes to stress on that point, E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E!). If you want to compare the amount of hot chics in a workplace, forget about bragging about yours, cause where I worked, I'll be damned not to be flattered or motivated by the amount of mouth droolers!*giggles*. Its heaven for losers like me, at the same time its a good place to build up your confidence in woo-ing a chic to be labeled as your girlfriend, all the staff are trained to be friendly, the word shy don't exist there.

Got to know a few of them, I'm not mentioning names (I'll be killed as soon as I stepped out of my house if I do that), one of them is with the front desk (I wonder is she still working there?), she's a chinese, short hairdo, fair, and a very hot looking, super red (colour code for Toyota Wish) lips, super solid body, pierced tongue and belly button, she's friendly and bubbly greets whoever comes into the fitness facility. Now, heres the catch, she fancies her own species*smiles*. So forget the frack about her. The other, was her colleague in front desk too, she's a malay, tanned skin, short hairdo, and damn she got nice piece of ass, one can always be fascinated by the motion of her buttcheeks whenever she walks around (my nose bled everytime that happens). Dammit!

Theres another girl which I was fond too, a Membership Consultant, but stopped after a month I guess, well, she is one sweet girl, tanned skin, soft hair, neatly tied, nearly my height, drooling looking piece of ass, not to mention her physic, I really like her. Unlike the others, we went for dinner, after talking to each other for quite sometime during our break (I don't remember being such a player, no I'm not, just being nice). I got her a few leads to work with, since I was managing most of the sales leads (Sorry Zen, I just have to do it! My resistance towards her persuasion skills was way too weak). I even introduced my friends to register with her (well, the ones that bought cars from me when I was in NAZA MOTOR *grin*). It was my fault, I wasn't sensitive enough for her, she was mad at me at one point, so she just ditch me off, pathetically stupid of me not to see that coming, but at the same time I've learned to be more sensitive when it comes to females. At least, I learned something out of these really short term friendship, though its a hard one to digest. What made her so attractive? She lightens up most of my fracked up day with her joyfull smile, that I will never forget. Her soft looking tanned skin makes me feel relaxed everytime I gazed at her. Her soft hair makes me one to brush my hands through it. One must never doubt God's gift to men on earth, just be thankful that we get to live another day to see the beautiful living things and structure that He had laid on earth and figure out how the frack did they build it(Thats what universities build for ain't it?). Enough crap! Until then, Ja-na!

Stream-My-Ass

2006-10-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

I've been using internet line from this particular service provider, so far, it was all okay, I can surf whenever I wanted, I can play online games smoothly without any interruption, I can download documents or files which associates with my work. It all went well until one find day when I received a memo from them, saying that they are going to do "Global Upgrading" which sounds good to me. I was thinking well, at last the government has decided to go all out on IT and make Malaysia proud.

Eventually, I did manage to surf when they were doing the upgrading, so I told my elder bro, "This guys are good in what they are doing ey?". The fun starts after they finish "upgrading", it was when I noticed that my router keeps on hogging everytime I surf or chat or do anything online. I can't play my online game which I bought, it is a waste of money! Not waste of money, its a liability to what I had invested. Soon, I heard that they were capping the traffic through the exchange all over the country, this guys think they are smart to traffic the cap, so that torrent won't work. Well guess what, from what I know, inside information tells me that the Management level Department and all other high level departments are using the internet line to download their favourite mp3 albums, movies, and TV series, per series, not episodes okay, I repeat, per series. After watching them, if they have the tendency to burn it on CD and sell it or lend they friend to watch it, I would understand, but no, they don't do that. Everyone downloads, and watch, and throw, and download again. What the frack is that? Waste of bacndwidth, and the report on the newspaper says that the society is encouraging torrent thats why they have to put it to a stop. Frack! We pay okay!, those people working upstairs is not.

Tap and Hold? Press and Click? Step and Turn?

2006-10-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

Throughout the years of my life, video games and computer games have been part of my life. Concerntration, Determination, Effort, Focus, Alertness, Speed, these are keyword to gaming. You can start of with a simple game, from handheld console, then step up to console, then step up to PC. Puzzle games are the simplest and the least effort to put in, is just that you don't have to arrange anything, with a click of a button or key, everything will be rearranged back to its normal position for you to start again. But and times, puzzle games like Chess, cards, Tetris and etc. can be a little bit annoying. At least it builds up the gamer in you for a start. As for adventure games, like Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Metroid, Contra, Rockman(Megaman) and etc. this are the games which provide thrills and spills to tell you that time is not on your side. Next is, RPG (Role Playing Game), games like Eye of the Beholder, Dungeon and Dragons, Gaunlet and etc. are mostly converted from board games. Rather slow, but addictive. There are 2 types, Turn-Base and Real-Time, as i mention earlier on, thats all real time, turn-base are more like UFO-Terror From The Deep, Jagged Alliance and etc. The evolvement of these to genres of RPG is made by Squaresoft which developed Final Fantasy, whereby, Final Fantasy 6 (Version 3 for english) introduces both genres, real time and turn base. Interestingly comes Chrono Trigger, then Blizzard made a hit with Diablo. These are the few famous genres which you can find in any PC, console or handheld in the earlier days.

Then comes the new era of computer games, FPS (First Person Shooter) which became a hit, it hit so badly that everyone is hooked to it. Doom started it all, then Quake, then a few other titles which barely made it through, then came Half Life, Counter Strike and etc. These games need you to play it frequently for you brains to get use to the pressure that you're going to handle. I have witness people puking, headache and loss of appetite often. RTS (Real Time Strategy) is also an interesting genre where Command & Conquer from Westwood started off, then comes Warcraft from Blizzard then, Starcraft from Blizzard again (No wonder they are lazy to come up with any sequels lately..dammit). After that generation, comes lots of other interesting RTS games which didn't really made games as interesting as the pioneers made it.

Sports games are kind of addictive too. I have witness it myself. I remembered when I was working in a Cyber Cafe in the past few years. I stumble across a game called "Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2". Well from the moment I read the review over gamespot.com, I knew this is going to be a hit game, but how would i implement it in cyber cafes? Frack it! So I decided to buy a copy of the game, and try it out in the cyber cafe, miraclously it end up that the whole cyber cafe is hooked to that game, 30 PCs all playing the same game. Hell no! Its not a multiplayer game! Well, thats where I notice that I do really have talent in marketing games for an outlet, too bad nobody needs people like me to promote games, why? This bloody country don't have any game developer.

Recently, Codemasters has opened up its branch in Malaysia, and they are kicking off
things soon, to build up games for Codemasters. No doubt Colin McRae series was a good one from Codemasters, other games like Operation Flastpoint was also a good one . The point is, from what I read from the papers, they(Malaysia Branch) don't need any lamers like me to promote their games, they need fracking genuises to make games! What the frack? You think a genius can make games? Genius makes good lecturer and philosopher, people like me need a job in places Codemasters, too bad still, in Malaysia, if you don't have the connections or status or your daddy ain't rich enough to be called a rich bastard, dude, you're going no where! Wheres the free country policy that once the society of Malaysia can be proud about. I have to admit that I'm one lucky bastard that is born here, imagine all different races staying in a country. But if what is happening to Malaysia today? Why all this must be happening? Can't we all work together strife together and be successful together? Why must the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, I'm telling you, the worst one is the average earners, they don't move even a notch! *laughs*

Coming back to Codemasters. i'm still very dissapointed with what they wrote in the newspaper article. Its all wrong people! Yes you need a good animator, yes you need a good sketcher, yes you need a good programmer, yes you need a good art director, but whos gonna benchmark you games? Who is going to like your game? You still need people like me, people like me are all over Malaysia, these are the people will do what it takes to make Malaysia proud, at least for once we are good in gaming, and the government would give support after that, unless the government thinks its stupid to let the younger generation stick on playing games, come on! Its going forward not backwards? Gosh! If this keeps on happening, soon Malaysia will be lousier then India. Why must the status and the connection comes first? Why are the top management level so money minded? Which leads to corruption and bribery! For once can you guys up there just give a chance to the younger generation to prove something for Malaysia and don't think so much about your credits. Cause you guys up there are getting old and soon enough you're gonna leave this world, are you taking all that pride and status and newspaper cutting with you 6 feet underground?

Human was born into this world to live. To live they need a job sooner or later to survive, don't tell me that "You're in the wrong country" just tell me that "You suck, you don't look good, you don't look rich and you're nothing but a piece of shit, so I won't hire you", now isn't that better? To know that people like me will not be getting a job? The moment I read the papers, it really pisses me off, The spokesperson said the animator in Malaysia is not good enough because of the course that they went through. Of course they are not good enough, because they only do what the Uni/College/Institute gave them to do, do you think they are hardcore gamers like the Koreans? or Japanese? or Taiwanese? and you expect the graduate to be able to cope up with that level of madness? Well either you give them the job, they learn how to perfect it or just get dropouts, and why is that? In the first place, why are they called dropouts? Either they are not interested in studying, or they already set their mind to do a certain thing with what they had learned. Can't you see all this? Yes you can! You're just scared that people will look down on your company, thats why! Again, status involve, frack the status and make it happen, you'll get a bigger status internationally, isn't that what everyone wants? International game developers will not succeed in giving Malaysia a chance, unless a few of them are going to be in the bloody company to brainwash those frackers so that people like me can join the team and make it happen! Other then that, forget the frack about coming to Malaysia to help you develop games, wasting your resources and time and the quality of your games drop tremendously. All this arrogant bastard are thinking of their money all day long. Whats the excuse they give to motivate you? "The fittest survives!" Is that how everyone motivate the demotes? I thought is "Teamwork counts"? Anyways, I'll still continue on playing my games, because its in my vains, I have the patients to wait for the opportunity to come, and yes I will pursue my dreams in any means necessary.

So boys and girls, get Nintendo Wii for Xmas! hehe Support Nintendo! *smiles* Until Then Ja-na!

Typical weekend

2006-10-21T20:11:00.000+08:00

Just finish cooking, getting ready to eat dinner. I was wondering on what to eat earlier on, since I'm jobless, I even no money to buy salted eggs, blood expensive (dammit). Anyways, its another typical weekend, next week people will be busy with their celebrations, I wish to all Malaysian readers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Selamat Hari Deepavali. I wonder what shall I do then, well I guess I'm just gonna keep on reading (downloaded a zip file which contains 166 sci-fi and fiction novels!) and keep on writing in here. Yup, thats what I'm gonna do..Ja-na!

My Apologies

2006-10-21T14:51:00.000+08:00

I didn't know the setting was by default, only for registered users only under "Comment" tab. I hade changed it to "anyone", feel free to flood in your comments. Thank you.

Being a close friend, hon-to-ni des-ka?

2006-10-20T13:22:00.000+08:00

Well, I can really have my precious sleep due to my buddy bugging me over the phone, wanted to play computer game at my place, dammit! So I decided to browse the internet for a while, try to read and improve my writing skills. As I surfed the internet something came across my mine, to read someone else's blog, how the frack do I do that? Well thanks to my sourcing skills, I started snooping around people's blog and soon ended up in someone's blog, someone which once I did liked, someone that I thought really treasure friendship, someone that I cared about like Arwen cared about me.Lets just give her a nickname, no names involve, I will reveal it soon enough, lets just called this "friend" of mine PS.

I saw PS in 2000, back then, I didn't know who is PS at all, I don't even know PS's name. But, one thing for sure is I really admired PS. i even bumped into PS a few times all over klang valley on and off, weird you might want to label me as, you'd be asking,"Wheres you balls?". Patiences did paid off though, I finally get to know PS after a few years, didn't really expect it to happened though. We get to know each other decently, true enough we became friends, and grew closer.

When PS's birthday was aroudn the corner, I decided make a big suprise. I don't know whether any of you guys would do this but, I did it. We went out for a drink in Sunway Pyramid, hang out at Starbucks, chit chatting away. Afterwards, I suggested to have a walk around the mall since its quite sometime since I last visited the mall. As soon as we stopped by a handphone shop, I can sense that PS is eyeing on a particular model of phone, I knew that PS's handphone is not in meant condition, so I decided to just get PS a new one, the one that PS always wanted. Ps was shocked, but happy, well thats the least I can do for a friend for the time being, isn't carving a smile on your friends face something decent doing?.

Things got really well, we have been keeping in touch with each other ever since. I would send PS to work or pick PS up at times, had lunch or dinner together at times. It was after a few months, I got my first peck on the cheek, didn't expect that coming though. Well, I guess PS was really comfortable with me around. I just kept my cool and treat her as a friend, well of course I did told PS my feelings at one point, but PS told me its not going to happen, so frack it, I don't wanna lose a friend, PS was indeed a friend to me. Something to ponder upon, define the word "friend", for friends who get to know me over the years, the new ones which I made with, especially in Damansara Utama, the place where I used to work, I made friends with alot of the locals, (you know who you are dudes!) they definately know what kind of friend am I to them, well I treat everyone the same, I'm not a racist or a sexist when it comes to friendship, like it or not I'll shoot you down witha plasma rifle if I feel like it, at least its the truth, no need to hide anything in a friendship, right?

As time goes by, we grew closer and closer, I get to know PS's family, even celebrated Raya with them once, though I'm lost, but hey, at least they have the decency to welcome me to their home and treat me well. That I have to give credit for. But heres the confusing part, do you mention to your friend about your other friends deed that brings you good memories? Or you just put them at one side of the 4 corners of a dark room and just keep it to yourself? Not to mention I'm PS's close friend, a very close one. Oh well, I guess some people just can't accept the fact that looks are deceiving. Its the performance that counts, not the looks, goddammit!

Well, true enough, when i read PS's blog, I felt very far apart from the word friendship, I don't think I'm anything to PS, I don't even thing that I'm in the "friendslist" of PS's. Well, thats life, don't wish for something that you don't realize coming with out you knowing it. Its gonna frack your emotions up, and then you brains afterwards. At least I've been through that stage. At least I know how to "pick" friends now, though its not a healthy thing to do, but in order to keep my sanity while staying in such a confusing and frack-tup city, I just need to do it, at a minimal level. I guess thats all about PS, I'll just end this chapter of PS, thinking of it makes me sick! Its just a "tea-break" for you readers out there, nothing much on PS in my life. Until then, Ja-na!

PS: Pretentious Slut

Shirley: Encounter Of The Fist Kind

2006-10-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Just finished my dinner, gosh I didn't know I have 2 lazy brother that have to wait til i cook for dinner at one point dammit! Anyways tonight I'm in the mood to tell you another bedtime story which I guess you'll fall asleep as soon as you finish this paragraph so don't bother reading.(kidding)

It was in 1992 when I first saw this girl which, I once was attracted and still do, if you get to see her,which if, you get to look deep inyo her eyes, and you'll see a sparkle like diamond; Which if, you get to touch her skin, you'll feel like the sands on the beach of Tahiti; which if, you talk to her, you'll feel like Aphodeity charms you with every words that comes out of her cherry, lucious, thick, seductive, maroon suckable lips, simoutenously her vision will just ignite your brain, trijecting her beauty into your thoughts, which comes to the worst part, if you get to miss her, I can tell you one thing thats for sure, you won't be able to sleep until you get to meet her again. That girl is Shirley. How I get to know her better? I remember calling up Ryan Heroneal (for girls who are reading this part, this is hottie hunkie that you won't get your eyes off, your drools dry, your thoughts away from, until you get the piece of him, I am dead serious! Ryan! Where are you??..) to ask him to call up this hot ass chic to call me, goddammit!, am I stupid or what?

It bloomed over the holidays before I started school again in 1993. Those were our tender loving days,I can visualize the thought, as if its it is still at the back of my head, as if it just happened yesterday. She would come to my place, hang out, gaze at each silently, feel the warmth from each others body, chit chat and then she'd go off, well most of the time we will be chatting on the phone, sometimes I can hear her mommy gets angry if she were on the phone too long, then I'll just hang up. Though we have difference in out music genre interest, but the thing that kept me wanting her so bad is because we had this feeling of wanting to be together, it was a great feeling for me, for the 1st time. We would talk over the phone and sometimes I'd called her at night to chat a little. In school I'll be shy guy and she would be the one that would push me over the edge to do stuff like sitting together,holding hands and stuffs like that, stuff that a guy should have been doing without being told to shown to do. We will write to each other and had a personal love letter posman to send it. Those were the days. The days when I first knew how it felt to love someone, who it felt to have someone that loves me back. Nevertheless, its the beginning, the beginning encountering of the first of its kind.

It starts to crumble the following year, 1994. Things shattered into a million pieces, even if you were to pick up the pieces, it will take you a lifetime to put the pieces back, and even if you were to pick up the pieces, your hands will bleed trying to figure out how to match the broken pieces. But it didn't stop me though, to put back all the pieces together. I tried and I tried hard. I felt like reaching a dark room with no light and no feelings, would feel like stabbing myself and just let it bleed until my very last breath, too bad, this is not the movie dammit! So came along the Elven in white robe on foot (no horse la my hometown) the charming tannedd short hair girl, Norliza Bakthiar (Congrats on your wedding girl!whos the lucky bastard!) which really helped me up to stand again, she was the one that sticked close to me, talked to me, told me to stand up, walked with me, laughed with me, shared sadness with me, shared music with me, I would never forget the intimate moments we had together, sharing the headphones together, God really did showered me with His blessing, giving me such a close and intimate friend which always treasure you as a friend til my last breath, Norliza (damn! she was one hot chic at that time!).

And then came 1995, a crucial year for all the student in my batch, the big exams is coming. I was already focus with my studies, and at that time, Shirley was very active on the track and field event, I'd sometimes watch her practice, she'll still greet me with that smile i think no one can resist. I thought I'll be alright, until I saw her in the arms of another man, which happened to be my brother's batch. Me,my brother, him and his brother, we were smoking buddies, haha! We were close, we would run up to a run down shop lot, and have our puff moments, laugh together, joke together. There he was, hugging Shirley in his arms, I was shattered again, my own buddy; but what did I do in this kind of situation? nothing,I don't know what to do?(What do you expect from a kid?) and so i went home with a broken heart again, blaming myself in my room, playing myself a sad song on my six string, asking myself "What did I do wrong to deserve this?", and thats how I'll put myself to sleep every single night for quite a long period of time. I told no one about this, trying to feel strong about it everytime I woked up and get ready to go to school, no one knows not even to Norliza, but she was the one that knows that I'm hurt, without me telling nothing, as if she knows what happened to me, she knows what to tell me, how to comfort me, and after that came Aphrodeity again to storm me, this time She came along with Poseidon. She would smile at me, as if giving me an encyrpted signal which at that time, I don't have the software to decrypt it (dammit) It really hit me, got me confused, asking myself "What does she really wants from me?" (Still, what you expect from a kid huh?).Therefore, the moral of the story is tell a girl how you feel, not before but, after you got shattered (provided you and her had something together going on) else you won't get a chance to look in her watery eyes, looking at the diamond which is in within the rocks, that sparkles, which will give you the amount of air to breath in an enviroment which has 0% of oxygen.

I can't stop thinking about Her, so I tried to concerntrate on my studies as the big exams are coming. It was a relief when you get to know a big exam got over, and Hell was unleash at that time, thats when i picked up Super Nintendo! The healer to all pain which can never be replaced by anyone or anything that I came across with (even my cat don't care if i were to have a broken heart dammit), holiday again! yeay! I can watch TV til late night, I can play my video game during the day, well it really did got me off the hook. I wish it could have been longer.

Then, came the results, we were group into classes following our perfomance in that bloody exam. I got into Arts stream, well at least I can draw better then anyone in school. As usual, I'm the dumb one, and She is the smart one, so it was quite a distance in classroom sense, Her's and mine we divided by a basketball court, but Aphrodeity never did fail charming me, I guess the Greeks dosen't simply give names and meaning to someone right? There goes 1996. The honeymoon year, thats what they use to call it. Owh yeah! It was a honeymoon for me, drooling while sleeping in class, reading pornograpic novels when the person infront of the class was the one that I was suppose to listen to, well, what can I do? I was the only one that has an internet connection at that time, since 1995, so, I use to chat alot, getting to know people from overseas, people from across the sea (West Malaysia), read alot through newsletters, going into BBS (Buleting Board Service) and get loads of reading materials, thats how I boosted my english at that time. Therefore, I was really having a great year, plus at times,most of the time actually, I get to sit with her,my one and only,Elven Pricess Arwen. I sat with her so frequently that I decided to switch places with her partner and sit with her, boy was I the happiest man alive at that moment. Most of the time, would share things together, thoughts together. At one point, I did told her that I felt for her, but she said that, she won't want our friendship to go down into the drain, because it was a flourishing with orchids and lilies. Suprisingly, I took the bait, dammit!, and there she goes, off with a lucky bastard which now, is studying in Bree'en(England)! That was when, I last met him in my hometown. Owh well, everyone has their moments to go abroad and inhale the air in other continent.

At one point, I really missed Her, wanting to be with Her again. Partly because, my Pricess Arwen fled off to another district to study, withtout telling me, just left me in the wilderness. I had no one left, no one to talk to when I'm down, no one to be with, no one to be there with, no one to share laughter with. That was when Handball sport came in, I guess our batch made it a big thing, we would play only that sport everytime with had P.E classes,the teacher was very impress,even give us tips on the how to go about on the game. I still remember that the 1st time our P.E teacher introduces us that sport, damn! It felt good, imagine throwing a ball to the goal was the ultimate feeling, it was like throwing all your anger away,throwing all your worries away,throwing all your doubts away,throwing all your sadness away in a blink of an eye! Just focus, gather it all in the ball and BAM! hits nothing bet net! without failure! A Tournament was held due to the game's popularity, thanks to our batch! Guess what? We were in 2nd place, in the whole school, beating our seniors throughout the tournament was something I'd always look back to in the Hall of Achivement in Sports, thats when everyone noticed our batch is a batch not to mess around with, and of course our seniors the 1st seeded team was cheating, importing players from other classes, gathering everyone in one team, but the heck with it, we still got 2nd, now, how bout that? Frack those state volleyball players, frack those basketball players, frack those sprinters, our batch rocks!. At that point, an angel appeared, a girl which I always dreamt of talking to, wanting to get to know her,wanting to be her friend Florence Micheal, you're one hell of a girl! She actually cheered for our team in the Finals! Wow wee! Thats then, done, zip, case close!

Then come 1997, still, Aphrodeity poised me with that charm of hers again and again, everytime she walk pass my classroom. I tried to divert my concerntration on something else, I guess I'm not hurt anymore, not fragile anymore, I don't know why I am not drawn to her anymore, but at the same time I do really miss her, dream of her at times. Still smile at her everytime we get to bump into each other. Though, I knew that she was going out with a dude out of school, I still don't have that much affection for her, maybe she don't too, I don't know, cause I'm stupid enough not to ask her. Approaching end of the year, the big exams hit us, and again Hell broke loose after the exams, as usual; and I remembered this clearly, Shirley did called me once, It was when I was about to had lunch with my family, she called, and chit chatted for a while, giving me that encypted signal again, and I'll be damn if i were to be able to decrypt it; and there goes Aphrodeity, gone, forever,blown away by the wind. I don't feel her presence, I don't even bother trying to contact her, or getting in touch with her, why? Obviously, I was havin fun working in a Resort, 5 hours away from my hometown. Thats why, haha, tasted all kinds of "food" except for arabic, thank goodness I didn't get infected by any disease. After getting my bloody result, worked for a few more months, and poof! I'm of to West Malaysia soil. Not telling any of my schoolmates, starting a new life, breathing poluted air that polutes every part of me.

And so, there goes Shirley G, the Aphrodeity, the air that I breathe, the strength of my muscles, the girl that I once loved, once knew, the only one that I really liked, the one girl that really fits into the frame of pictures that I see, though there were a few back then who did liked me,who did had a crushed on me, who did stalked me, who did wrote letters to me, who did purposely do something to get my attention, but she'll always win my heart, always will be the one that can give a warm smile that calms my heart beat rate to a lower level and will always be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

And there goes Norliza Bakthiar, the Elf that once swept me off my feet,that comes to teh rescue in her very own unique way, that once took care of me with her gentleness, her caring heart for a friend, she'll be my best friend, that I will always drool over in my dreams (because she had a solid body back then! dammit!). You'll always be the one who knows the boundries of being a friend and being a lover, someone that knows how to materialize words, that I wasn't able to counter but can just swallow it comfortably without me knowing it, that always makes me weak on my knees whenever she speaks (did I told you that she got a really sexy voice in real life? I wonder what about now..hmm). The only one that I only can just gaze at and know that its okay; to know that, its fine; to know that theres someone, who'll be there for me whenever I stumble, the only one that knows what I'm thinking, how I felt, without telling her anything. And so, The Encounter Of The First Kind was an experience which I personaly had, which I personaly valued, which I personally will always remember until this very day. Aaand CUT! Its a wrap! Hell, thats one hell of a story to tell in a night, thought that I won't be able to go through with it. Well, until then, I shall continue the sequel of this stroy soon, lookout for Encounter of The Second Kind in my blog if you guys wanna know what happen next. Ja-na!

Sneak Peak on the next episode:

"....After 5 years I stayed in Selangor, getting to know new friends, getting to know its cool to hang out til 8 in the morning, at Uncle Salleh's Place over in Uptown, getting to know healthy arguements is a food to my soul (Thanks! SuperBonBon), I bumped into Aminah Salawati, the posman that once helped out my love life back then....."

Thurs-Frack-Tup-Day

2006-10-19T17:48:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 9am this morning, due to a meeting which i need to attend, Well opened my wallet and walla, theres only RM20 left in it. Parked my car at Amcorp Mall, took PUTRA LRT down and guess what? I transitted another 2 LRT, frack-tup man! its RM4.40 for a trip to KL and I have to walk around bloody KL town to find the venue, which ended up in Kg. Baru, dammit, why can't the organizer tell me in the 1st place so that I won't have to go through all this hassle. After that, my ex-boss called me up for lunch, he's my ex-boss in NAZA MOTOR (and yes I test drove all the cars except for Tan Sri's precious Ferrari's) well, he moved to another company which sells automobiles too, better one, well at least its not as frack-tup as NAZA, though I have to admit the cars that they are selling are in a superb range, but hey, if its a family business, is always a frack-tup one! Remember that guys and girls out there that want to pursue their carrer. I dare betting with any of you a pulled tea, cause I worked more jobs that you have can ever imagine! Back to my ex-boss, well, he kinda offered me a job in his showroom. I was thinking about it at the same time enjoying the fine dining in amcorp mall's EDEN cafe...yummy! Free food are always tastier then the ones that we pay! *grin*. To my suprise, the company that he's working with at the moment is one hell of a company! Perks are good, staffs' welfare and other benefits are far more better then I had ever imagine, so if any of you out there would like to make money buy selling car and having a real good experience, tell me!*laugh*. Therefore, I am considering this job offer, easy money, easy job scope, 3 days a week job, well, its something like Shell, the only difference is you won't get blowed up in an oil refinary! *laughs*..I'm jobless so its kinda hard for me to move around these days,people say their are poor guess what, I'm living under poverty level. owh well, I guess that one heck of a day! never been out of my house for so long, feeling like an alien when I was in KL just now..until then, for those whose waiting for my other sequel of Shirley and what not, I'll write, just keep on reading and thank you for your support by reading my blog. Ja-na!

Home Made? hon-to-ni?

2006-10-16T06:38:00.000+08:00

Well..its 0640 hrs now and i slept kinda early last night, dammit, I should have, owh well, at least i can chat with Shirley over YM,she always comes in at odd hours. She was asking whether i'm gonna write about her *laughs* in time, girl, I will definately write about you, you're part of what has become of me today, thats how important you are to me. Anyways, enough about Shirley, I'll talk about her soon enough, well i was still fine tuning my profile and, theres a section called URL audiofile..now that itches me to put up my favourite song in it. I went about it and found out that audioblogger kaput-ted dammit, so I have to find a free web hosting sight to put up my tunes and hook it back here. Lets talk about songs here, this particular song which is going to be my official song for this blog of mine because it suits the site iself so much! hope they don't make it an official song later (that always happens to me..dammit). Its a group of japanese dudes singing really cool songs, i don't know how to categorize the genre of the music that they are playing. raggae hip hop? raggae pop? freestyle?hip hop? j-pop? Well,a bit of all that you'll get this group call Home Made Kazoku. This is one cool awesome band, love them so much, thanks to BLEACH anime..else,I won't be able to hear this awesome piece of work.The song reflects alot og me (what i don't know what the frack they sayin? Hell yeah I do!) and i find it really really in my blood, never get bored of it, I can just keep on looping the song all over til morning, just to one song. Which reminds me of the days, where I was a freelance music producer, doing playlist of my DJ in the club, well thats what I always do, keep on looping the song at home to find the right playlist for the night. Its like, the 1st 2 minutes of any song I hear, I'll know whether its good or not, for lets say, partying in the club? or driving in the jam. To me any sound which comes with strings of various beats and makes up a rhythm and comes up with a catchy beat in its very own originality, its a song, so nearly anything can be a song to me. Thats how i look at music, musicians, and music instruments :D..so enjoy this song from Home Made Kazoku, entitle Thank you...if you take and effort to translate the song to your own language, you'll love it..trust me, as for Home Made Kazoku, Keep it up! Gam-ba-teh mi-na!!neh?? until then..Ja-na!

Intro-Trijectorization

2006-10-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

Here I am again, as promise to write again. Okay since its my 1st blog and I'm not associate with others, for now. I'd like to make a soft introduction about myself whereby it will come from time to time telling you about myself in the near future. I'm a dude with "I'm not hot" embedded on my forehead, as you can see in the picture, believe it or not i'm mix parentage, late daddy's an Iban (one of the 119 tribes in Borneo) and mommy's a chinese (the Hakka Clan), but if you have a chance to meet my dear friend Lawerence Legak, he is one hot dude! dammit!!!.Owh well...lets see, I speak both Iban and Hakka language fairly, enough to conversate with my relatives back in mom's hometown, vice versa(FYI, yea my late dad's from the longhouses that you guys watch on National Geographic, the difference is mines real! :D ).As for myself,well,I speak english 1st, when i learned how to talk, and I though it was cool until people around me gave me this kinda look which tells me, "Owh dammit, I can't use this language to communicate" and so thats how i pick up the other chinese dialeg called foochow and also hokkien. Fair enough, I got the piece of action in every activity that the neighbourhood kids are doing.

Now, kids have Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games over the internet; back then, it was Massive Multiplayer Hide & Seek. Not only that, we do have Marble Breaking Tournaments, haha, and erm its Massive Multiplayer too. Cowboys and Indians?(Well,here we use police and thief though). Its a daily event where 2 neighbourhood will play it in the evening,(though we don't have town raids at odd hours but hey, we played hide and seek at midnite once)Yeah, I bet you're jealous when you heard that *grin*...those were my younger days, having close friendship with my neighbours, we have everything going on for the whole week, and i love sundays....wanna know why? Its barbeque day! yeay!!! we barbeque so hard that the host of the barbeque got sick dammit! so that funfull activity have to be stop for quite a while(few years dammit!), well and so neighbours change once a while new people come into the neighbourhood adjusting themselves to the warmness of our unity, some got through with it, some just don't.

We had lotsa different neighbours, our home was the luckiest, we got to have a japanese neighbour for 2 years I think, thats awesome! really awesome! check this out, my mom learn how to make traditional sushi..yea? Cool ey,Itsuko-sama even gave my mom her sushi mat...well mommy kept it til now..and she kept on pastering my mom to visit her in okinawa japan, well its not gonna be cheap travelling there, though we're still in Asia. Well Itsuko-sama had her son Ta-Jang-kun which we've seen before but her daughter was born in Japan...so she sends over her picture with the family once in a while.Okay enough of that nostalgic moments....

Since then, all i had was english magazine,english TV shows, english music, english newspaper, english radio station.I wonder how I did it last time, considering now, to learn japanese all by myself is pain in the ass, but back then I'm juggling foochow,hokkien,mandarin, bahasa melayu (malaysia's national language) and iban all at once!! gosh!! was I good or what? Though, I did took up mandarin classes, but thats primary 1 to 3 thats it! Oh well, its telling me one thing for sure, I'm getting OLD! dammit..

In school, well school what can I say about school, my mother was a teacher in my primary school years, so everyone have to suck-up to me, I kinda hate that, just because my mom's a teacher dosen't mean you need to suck-up to me,guys come on, I'm human too?Got a hold of table tennis and basketball when i'm in primary 3, can u believe that? I was shooting hoops back then, not the kiddie ones, the standard heights! Never get to make the ball to even touch the hoop at that time, but i grew tremendously tall and thats when the chic came to papa! yeay baby! *grin* i'm not telling names, else their hubby are getting jealous..if they get to read this blog, *giggles* owh well there were ups and downs in all ways in school, I'll break it down later on in my blogs to come.

At last secondary school (its like junior high except for 3 years, then its senior high) owh well, it was fun though, why? Mom's not around..but still the sad part was, the disciplinary teacher was my neighbour!! gawd dammit! Life is so unfair, its proven! Its unfair to the other kids cause I get to loan books from the school for free and new ones! since the 1st day i step my foot into school *muahahahahah* unfair ain't it..so thats unfair to others, but whats unfair to me is EVERY single teacher knew my mom...thats TOTALLY unfair, even the hot ones were her students once..dammit!! :D believe me, i knew whats a hard-on when i was 13..haha..

Oh well my 13-18 years of school experience wasn't that pleasent cause i don't have puppy love and shit, nothing like that. though I won't for get when i was 15...hmm, thats where I get to know Super Nintendo *grin* and his elder bro Nintendo, and their neighbour SEGA Megadrive yeah baby!...for 3 long months, mom was on a course in some other district, so me and my 2nd elder brother was going to school twice a week!! check that out! now you guys (my classmates) wonder where did I go when I wasn't always in school at that time ey, now you know whats going on. I would never forget that EVER!! so, as we finish the whole tender years with SPM (SAT for foreigners out there) i had quite a long holiday to wait for our results, and so thats the time where real life started...and thats when this session of my life will be trancated to the next episode of ME! haha..i really do hope you guys enjoy reading it,hit me back if you have anything in mind that you would like to share with me? Until then...Ja-na!

Preface

2006-10-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

Crap...I just name the 1st posting as a preface. Well thats what you get if you read to much old school books. Don't believe I had my late father's Ian's James Bond? *grin* anyways, I really don't know what to write how to start here, owh well, lets just say that this is my 1st time writing in this thing called blog, i had a friend that use to check her blog here and then, and still i wasn't interested in it, nan-des-ka?..My elder brother tells me that this blog thingy used to be a place where uni students will do discussions and assignment in it, i can see that now, cause its bloody efficient, alright then..I'll write more in this later. Ja-na!