A Fresh New Start

I haven't been writing for quite sometime, this time is not because I don't write cause no one is reading, its cause I am working *smiles*. Though its nothing much, just selling cars (back to the roots), I guess working back in that line doesn't mean I'm back to the things I use to do but for me, its a brand new start. Ways of dealing with work will be in a different approach. Thanks to Azran, that recommended me a book to read which really helps me. I know, I don't read much, but surprisingly this book caught me right in the heart. So, to life, here I come. Gambateh-neh!

Tour De Sarikei

I would always flashback to my school days most of the time when I'm lying on my bed. I guess the sweetest memories was when me and my buddies have groups in riding bicycles! *giggles* Gosh! I really miss them a lot!

We would be so serious in training before the event by riding far. Far enough for others to say that we are nuts! Frequent enough to make others say "Stupid!". Though its not a big achievement in life, but it was a good thing to remember and a good thing that happen in our life. We even modified our bicycle just to be compatible with the track which we are going to ride on the event itself. Damn! To think back on the seriousness we put into this event was tremendous.

Though we got 2nd place in the race. I still won 2nd place for individual achievement. It was really a day to remember. Riding with the wind with my buddies with a pack of other schoolmates which now are all grown up.

Most of them are married already. Some with kids, congratulations to those that made it that far! *giggles*

Apart from that, I've seen a lot of them being to other parts of the world. So I would also like to congratulate them for that.

The point is, I really miss my buddies and I want to meet them so badly. I wish I could. I hope God will grant me that wish one day.

Separated

Today all kinds of feelings runs through me, guild, sad, happy, excited, anger, hatred, you name it I feel it. Why? Well, its because this very day my brother is on a flight back in hometown for good and I feel very lonely and also very guilty for what had happen over these past few years. I hope that I can pick up the bits and pieces and start my new life quickly. Cause one day, I want to be with my brother again. This time no more mistake, for this is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my 28 years of living. Damn to the ones that con me, damn to the one that cheated me, damn to the ones that deceive me. For I no longer hear you, for I no longer have mercy on you. Thrust is something so priceless. I just let it slip away so easily. I have fail and I hope that one day I will be forgiven.

Ease

The more I stop thinking about it, the lighter my mind gets. At last, I can finally rest my head to sleep in within my biological clock. I pray and hope that what I am about to do is the right decision and at least I would be able to stand on my two feet to walk till the end of the tunnel, along with the ones that I will tagged along after this.

It may sound cruel when I were to mention that the things that I do involves life forms which is capable of making crucial decisions. Nevertheless, when something that one put effort into doesn't happen, once or twice or even a several times, I guess that goal is not meant for that person. Or maybe, the time has not come for it to come into the picture to be hang in one's room to be apprecieted.

So long old memories, so long to the effort that I put into. So much time, so much materials being shaped with. But I'm glad that its over. For better or for worse, a sentence always needs a full stop after all the commas being tagged along the line.

Does it sound cruel or does it sound pleasant when its read out? In my opinion, its for the person who reads it, not for the person who writes it.

Surviving Earning Living

These couple of weeks was a rough ride for me. I can't imagine what will happen if I just stood in one position and strongly believe in what I did was the right thing to do. After a great fall. I finally decided to move on. No more previous jobs. This time I have to make it right. Else I won't be seeing computers, or handphones or websites, or any electronic gadgets.

As I was laying down, I can't sleep and a thought came into my mind. I was thinking, why did the people back in kampung was so eager to know how much are younger people making. I always thought that they want to show off which son or daughter can earn more and at the same time spend their wealth and tie them down till they find their other half to be married. That also have to make sure that other half is twice as valuable as their children. Maybe thats what really happen.

But when I look at it from another angle. I guess the older generation kept on pestering those questions to us younger ones is because they want to make sure that we have enough rice to eat, enough petrol for the car, enough to pay the bills and installments and also enough to feed our own family one fine day.

So what does it takes to get there. Study hard? Get a good job? Or earn enough to live on? These 3 things don't come on the same road. Study hard to get good grades makes our parents happy. Some of us are happy with our grades cause we work hard for it. After that what? Graduate and look for jobs. Yeay! we got got the job that we are looking for. But comes another question, are the perks justified by the job load? That can never be an answer for that kind of question. Our superior will always tell us that, "Is either you do you job or get a new one!". But at the same time people will also say, "Do what you know best and believe in yourself". So which is right? Time to time we search for the right job to get to the right answer to satisfy ourselves, to satisfy our needs.

Does graduating in a field and work on that same field promise us a bright future? Or is it just an experience in everyones life to grow and learn about how hard life can be or how easy life can be? Does it takes us to fall as many times as possible until the right time comes then we will find our answer?

To survive we need to earn something, thats how we live our life. No matter what it takes, some illegal some legal, it doesn't matter. All it matters is one tries his or her best to live. We can't blame them or look down on them or feel shy or proud that we are doing a specific job to earn something.

At last I came up with a proverb which gives me strength to face the sun from today onwards.

"If you think money can buy everything, try and buy time. Ask a billionaire to make the time 12:00pm when its already 12:01pm."

Another one is

"To be a rich man is to be as shrewd as one can imagine, but the shrewdness of time bares no mercy to no one."

Words

Have you ever think of how you have lived your life. It doesn't matter whether you're young or mid or old? Do you take things the positive way? Or the other way?

I realize that words can be deceiving at the same time it can be deadly. It works both ways, towards an individual or back to its owner. Either both ways, it can be for the good or for the bad at the end.

Sometimes, words can be mistaken and misunderstanding arise. Its when an individual took it for granted or said it for granted. Didn't realize that what being said or heard may effect that individual or his/her surroundings.

Words can be lovely, slutty, bitchy or even dominant. It lures someone's heart to the other, it flirts between both sexes. It sometimes make both party feel good in a bad way and sometimes make one or the opposite obeys.

What a wonderful gift God has created for us human to use as a tool to get along with each other.

Look at todays world? Criminals get away with the best lawyers. Unhealthy cults sway people away from their believes. Conman gets all the money they want without getting caught. Leaders giving promises which never materialize and jeopardize his team.

What about the ones that once learn how to live life in a proper manner. That doesn't know how to cheat? That doesn't know how to lie? That doesn't know how to mislead people on purpose. All these people do is convince, with a little hope that they can have a little bit more air to breath. But in return, all that they encounter is bad things happen.

What is Right and What is Wrong? You tell me.

Until then Ja-Na

Executive Decisions

Have you ever come across a situation when you want to execute a well planned work flow , all of a sudden the old work flow seems to be in the way?

Or even when you're working on something, and all your life you've been working for it, and suddenly you just think that its not gonna happen and try to move in a different direction and suddenly that old "work" of yours starts igniting.

I find it a very hard decision to make. Whether to hold back and believe in what I'm doing all these while and at the same time suffer big time. Or, do I have to put an end to it and move on to other direction which I plan to go to. I had already tried so hard to let go and start a new life but it seems to be stuck to me no matter how.

*Confuse*

Until then Ja-Na

Weekends

Different people look at weekends differently. Some of them rather wander of to city streets, some rather go outskirts, some rather stay at home sipping coffee and watch TV.

Well for this past 5 years weekends for me is rather quiet. Unlike those days where I would wander off to shopping malls or party through the night. I would cook and have my meals at home. Wash my clothes. Watch my TV series, watch my movies and have a cup of pulled-tea at night with close friends at a nearby coffee shop.

Sometimes I wonder how can some keep up to clubbing and partying even though its already pass 5 years. *Hmm* is it really that good? *smiles*

Even having barbecue every weekend gets a person to a hospital. An uncle in the neighborhood where I once lived experience that. I can consider him the master of barbecue. Up till now, so far, all the barbecue I attended. Theres nothing like the ones I had back then. Prove me wrong and invite me to your barbecue, if you have any coming in the near future.

I would prefer gatherings, barbecue and stuff like that rather then clubbing or partying *giggles*. Does that means I'm growing old?

Until then Ja-Na

Promises

Promises are meant to be broken or to be kept?

Why must one over promise the other? Is it a sign of dictation? Or showing off who's more capable in manipulating the situation? Or is it a habit?

Why must there be a victim and the victim is always not the one that being over promised but instead, the person that is ALL to be blame is the person that brings that promise from the person who promise to the person that wants to be promised.

How much more complicated can life be?

Beyond Down

I wish I could write more joyful stuff in here rather than sad story all the time sad incident all the time. Why can I just have a sweet memorable and happy experience for once! So that I can write something happy...DAMN!

I guess this world is really fair, you can see it for yourself its happening. Some sad some happy, proven! So don't say the world is very unfair to you.

Experience

I was attending a meeting with an old chap somewhere in kl yesterday, was about to close a deal (I'm in sales line as for now, part time). So this uncle was chit chatting and I notice something different about the way he structure his sentences. Though I didn't manage to close the deal. I was amazed by how that uncle speaks..

When I back home (quite late though) I start realizing, it takes donkey years to be able to speak like that. There is no way in hell a person can just speaks like that if he/she haven't reach the golden years of their life. Simply impressive.

*Smiles*...

Others

Do you think of others when you are down? or when you're happy?

Well, the fact that when someone is happy, someone will be sad right? Thats how it works down here on Earth. Don't you think?

What if you're suffering? will that make someone else having a blast?

What if you're broke? will that make someone else a penny richer?

What if you're heartbroken? Will that make someone else in love?

My religion teaches me to "love yourself, before you love others" - how I interpreted it was I make sure I am really stable on my 2 feet then I help others. As I grew older I realize that interpreting that word wasn't easy.

Up till today I still can define that particular phrase. I guess is just how we human look at it and exercise it. yeah?

Until then Ja-Na

Hope

What does the word hope means to you? Does it gives you a boost in whatever you're trying to achieve? Or simply just another requirement in a day dreaming process?

Well as for me hoping and wishing is just simply useless. It brings you nowhere unless you have a strong will to be patient. What if one breaks down? What if one thinks that its the end of everything that one tries to achieve in life?

The question is does hope exist in this world that we live in today? Or is it overrated and being manipulated by the stronger mind willed people to take advantage of the weaker ones?

People say the world is getting more advance each day, with all the sophisticated gadgets and tools to enhance the human races' lifestyle and way of living. To uphold the ego of mankind. I say the world is getting more primitive, more savage, more like animals, only the strongest survive they say. Well we are animals after all..right? We just tagged ourselves with names to make us feel better, to make is in the happening group called human being.

Wheres the love? The teamwork? The pity? The care? The concern?

Well, I can tell you this, fuck hope. They ain't no wish come true when u see a falling star. People die when a star falls. They ain't no Mickey Mouse to cheer u up when you fall, when you're sad, cause Mickey's on TV! not in your bedroom or beside you.

Haha..just another crappy thought. Ja-na

Slowing Down

I don't know what made me slow down in writing in here, I guess its because of not enough feedback and I don't know what else to write..well I'll be updating me friendster's blog and see whats the response like over there..hehe..

Uniforms

I remembered my 1st day in school, I wear uniform, I hate it, cause I have to look the same like others. The only thing that separates me from others is my name tag. Thats why I treasured it so much. In secondary school, the same shit still happening. This time, I can see that people are trying to be different though wearing the same shit. From hairstyle to shoes to accessories. It doesn't make any difference, we all still look the same in uniform.

You must be lost when you read the 1st paragraph. Well, the thing is students get to forget what the teacher teach them after secondary school, and pick up different stuff in college and then university. stuff like clubbing and picking up chics, casual sex and smoking pot from the college days, then trying to be rebellious and go against the government when they are in university. When they step into the career life. It all changes, money is more important, cause without it, they will be no savings account. no savings account equals no credit card, no credit card equals cannot flash in front of chics, cannot flash in front of chics equals no percentage in marriage anytime soon.

So, where are we going here?*giggles* Lets start from the beginning. I was saying that people tend to forget what had been taught in school. Well, theres one thing for sure I'm really certain they won't forget. Uniforms. If you don't believe me, hit the clubs on weekends or even as early as Thursday. (Reminder, this ideology only refers to Malaysian Clubbing scene). When you hit the club, try and look at what the guys and the girls wear. If you can see everyone is wearing different fashion or different clothing style, I can safely say the next day of that day you saw that, will snowflakes fall on Malaysian soil.*giggles*

I'm so sorry I can't continue writing cause every time when I think of this subject, it never fails to make me laugh till I roll on the floor. Ja-Na

Racist?

This has been the most sensitive issue that everyone try to avoid looking into. Try to avoid talking about it. Try to avoid not to even touch it and just act as if its not there.

Well let me tell you something. If you don't talk about it, argue about it, look into it, you know know whats already happening to it, how deep does it go, how wide does it spreads. In Malaysia, what I can see is people non-stop telling other people "Oh, I'm not racist I am Malaysian". Fuck you la! Not racist. Look at Maxis, tell me the majority people working in it. Look at starbucks, tell me the majority people working in it, McD's, Burger King and the list goes on. Look at "Kedai Motor Ah Chong" and you'll see the difference.

All you bastard sitting in you bloody cubicle so up high in the 10th floor (and above) all you see is traffic jam and chics outside your office. Don't you ever think that someone in your "job application" filing really needs the job. Does looks really matter when you flip burgers? or grind coffee? or arrange whats going to be on air? they don't see your bloody face, end results matters then how much KCC paint you put on your bloody face. Or how many inch of heels are you on. If you wanna be a porn star just say so, I can arrange the shooting date, hire some male actor and we make millions. better then a 9-5 job right?

If you want everyone to be happy, just let everyone try, so many times elderly say "belum cuba, belum tau". Still so stubborn, so stuck up.

Then jobless people get more jobless, government trying to help, yes of course, government spend hell alot of money for undergraduate or jobless people, but this is where companies take advantage. "you diploma holder ar? ok la..i pay you rm800, wanna work?" Hallo! If you stay in my hometown, 800 ringgit can survive la, you stay in bloody kl? 800 ar? pay the room rent koyak already la the pocket!

Then goes the lecture "oh, our company needs to cut cost la..everything expensive la" hallo! prostitute still charging rm188 full package..what the fuck? Rubber price go up also still 188, oil price go up also still 188, still can bullshit college student everything expensive ar? aiyo. Why can't you just tell them "We are sorry we cannot afford to pay you that high cause we want to take advantage of you" or "we can't afford to pay you that high cause, you don't look handsome/pretty" the list can go on..

So tell me, are we racist? or are we just still racist? Can you even stop it? Of course u can't it runs in our blood. If racism can be stopped, John Lennon would have been King of the world already. *giggles* Until then Ja-Na

Playing Nice?

Theres always a saying from the elders "What comes around goes around" or "Give and Take" and so on. To think of it, all this proverbs don't come into practice no more don't you think?

Imagine you're in your office doing your work, being out of the boss's radar to being eliminated from the firm (sounds like a reality TV show to me). Let me rephrase, being fired.*giggles* Sometimes your colleague will bug you to help them out with stuff e.g "How to print ar? Why my pc cannot print ar?" or "Why my pc cannot surf ar?" or "Why cannot photocopy like how you do it ar?". Aren't they manuals to all that? like "Help" button on windows and manuals for machines around the office? Are they really that dumb? What did they learn in college or university? Wank to porn? Pickup opposite sex and hope to score on the same day? (To parents reading this, please plug off your ASTRO when you go to sleep, don't think that ASTRO = no playboy channel = safe. Still got some stupid show that can ruin your children's life).

Then when you help your colleagues in office they tend to depend on you more and tend to ask you to do stuff for them more, from photocopying to printing to typing letters and then doing their job for them, without you knowing it end of the day. Which institute did they go to. I also wanna learn how to do that. When promotion day comes, you don't get it. They get it. What the fuck? Then they expect people to throw them a party because the get promoted.

Now, think of it. Is it still safe to play nice in your everyday life? Is it worth it? Seen a girl on the street with ripped off cloth, you might think that she just got raped or something, offer her help and the next thing you get is you're the one that got reported, now you're IT!! still don't get my drift?

Let see, heres another e.g driving back from office to house, saw a car broke down, saw 2 or 3 people trying to stop any car that pass by, you decide to offer help, wham! you got robbed!

Someone ask you for direction, then you tell them "oh its that way"...great theres a knife pointing at your throat, you got robbed again!

Wheres the manners that once our elderly people taught us? I'm not saying people out there are "kurang ajar" or something similar to that. Is just that the economy is so bad, even I can't get a decent job. But, I don't go around and extort people's money, but end of the day I'm still the one that has no food on the plate at home, still at least I know I'm not barbaric enough to pull up a stunt like how they report it in the papers or what we see everyday.

P/S: Don't believe I can't get a job? Try and pull up 7-11 job application files, see how many of my form went there? Not enough evidence? Try Starbucks or Burger King or McDs..I'll write on Racist soon...Is It Racist or Are you scared? *grin*

Are they really that bad?

I've been out of the chatting realm (mIRC) for quite a while now, as well as yahoo messenger and also MSN messenger. Been playing this MMORPG they like to call it..which stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. Its an online game that gives you an RPG feel (wiki RPG, I'm to lazy to explain). Since then, I've been a bitch to that game, dammit! (thanks to douglas, with World Of Warcraft now? damn). Getting back to the point.

This game is running from a server which turns out to handle south east asia region since its a Korean game, US has it too. Now, the servers are run by bloody Sings or Singaporeans, like most Malaysian our 1st impression towards them is "Ek eleh, Kiasu siot!" or "Mai Kiasu la Kiasi ho bi Kiasu la" or "What the fuck is wrong with you dude!" *giggles*. So we have alot of international players in it. Singaporeans, Malaysians, Filipinos, Thais, Vietnamese, Aussies, Indonesians, Kiwis and lots more. I've mingled with a lot of Singaporeans and they are fine to me, are they really that bad?

I have to admit some are quite fucked up, but not all are like what everyone said. I guess our previous prime minister wasn't to happy with the prime minister over there that fucked up a few deals and it became a big issue that Singaporeans are fucked up. Not to me though. I found a few decent Singaporeans that can be tagged along with. Like Malaysian I can safely say.

Now the fucked up part is the management/company that runs the server for the game, that do the marketing for the game, that was given the license from the Korean themselves to run the show. These are the real fucked up people. Well, end of the they they are still fucked up, not all but most of them. *giggles* until then Ja-Na

Commitment

I've seen various kinds of commitment that different people give in different ways. Some give their all to their love ones but when it comes to risk in making their future brighter their balls ain't bigger then church mice. Some give their all to survive everyday, and end up being the thug or the criminal that commits crime which everyone list down in their bloody brains as "wrong". Some give their all in what they love doing most and end up not being appreciated or thank for. Some give their all to the greater good of the interest of many, but in the end being condemn and label as someone very vicious and greedy and unthoughtful. What is right? What is wrong? No one knows that in the World today. No one seems to care whether its right or wrong. All they know is if everyone does it, then is right. So if everyone start raping underage kids its right, everyone becomes a conman and con all the others that tries to have a better tomorrow then its right, everyone start to open food stalls cause is the best business then its right, everyone opens a car showroom cause the government gives new APs then its right? Why can we all be different? Our name is already different, our face is different, our skin is different, our house has different locations. If everyone going towards the same thing, who is going to pick up the trash? Who is going to sweep the floor? Who is going to serve in the restaurant? Who is going to design clothing? who is going to make movie? who is going to sing songs? Who is going to write books? Who is going to represent the younger generation in what they do best? Everyone that does all these is not in the country anymore, cause others in other countries on this very Earth appreciates other people's nobility in what they do best. Variety is something wonderful. Lets just take the easiest example. Botanical Garden, if all the flower in that bloody garden is the same, would u even want to look at the picture? Until then.. Ja-Na!

Bumiputra

Note:Whoever that is going to start reading this, please don't feel offended and if you are, I'm am deeply sorry for I'm only drawing out my thoughts. I'm me, kill me if you to. Don't left me half dead cause I'll make sure you won't see the next sunrise. :D

My eldest brother went to the government office to ask for for loan to do business, paperwork done, 5 years company done, documentation done. The only feedback the officer gave was "Awak tidak layak di panggil bumiputra kat sini dik"

What the fuck? Whos bumiputra in the 1st place? malays in west malaysia or the tribes in Sarawak? dude(to that officer) get your facts right! Read your history books, else ask you mommy or daddy who was the people that sacrifice their asses when japanese come and rape and kill everyone in West Malaysia. Damn you!

Anyways, I will write more about this..hehe..Ja-Na