Cunt-fused

Why is it most females would rather keep quiet about something that they like to do or someone that they admire about but at the same time keep on giving response to the things that they don't fancy or someone that they don't fancy? Is that just female or is it just me?

When we men want answers, we want it straight to the point. I guess the same goes to women ey? Its proven when a women gets pissed of at you when only tell them the real shit about something. Same goes to the men. Maybe we tend to forget how important is that answer to the women. Same goes to the men. So why would most females just keep on responding and giving feedback to the ones that they aren't attracted to? Why not just say, "you suck, buzz off!". Owh! and now you would think that's very impolite to such a thing? That is bullshit. Instead you're torturing the heart. The heart has to calculate the amount of oxygen then has to mix it with the blood and then they have to distribute it to your entire body. Would you think the heart had the time to think about whats polite and whats not? Hell no! That is what the brain does, not the heart!

And guess what the guys think about the girls that are outspoken. They are so smart they called them bitches or sluts. Now, where in the blue hell did that came out? Outspoken females = attractive hotties! They speak their mind out. You'd be surprise if they can blow your minds out and not only your other brain.

The heart is already doing a very complicated and complex job EVERY single second of our breathing lives. So don't complicate it any further. Keep it simple and see how the world will evolve into. Ja-Na

Boredom

When you get bored of an activity, or a routine, what would you do?

Would you continuously force yourself to do it no matter how bored or monotonous it gets or will to switch to something else which you will gain a new experience by doing it?

One thing I've notice as I grow older, the older I get, the weaker I become. Its like you have that one particular thing in you which will just run short compared to when you're younger. Now, the best part about this feeling is, you won't notice that it gets to you, it will just get to you. That is how I am feeling right now, tired, bored, monotonous about my surrounding.

I guess when I collected enough dough, I will make an effort to make a different kind of pizza. A pizza that will bring a new flavour, new taste, new aroma to it. *Fingers crossed*

Jealousy or Effort?

Its been a week already and I still feel shitty about myself. Whats going on? dammit.

I've done all I can think of to achieve where I want to stand and where I want to be. The answer is someone else got it effortlessly. Should I be jealous or should I be happy? Cause of the reason that I helped out in the process of achieving that someone's dream. That my advise finally payed off. What about me? What is it in for me? Gratitude from the heart? Fuck that! In the world that I known of nothing like that exist. I'm not in Lalaland or Dreamland. I'm on earth. So why the fuck is this happening?

Am I destined to be the person that can't achieve their dream but to help and assist others to achieve theirs? If anyone has an answer to it please share that pain with me. I would really die internally if this continues. *sad*

Morning Shower

It rains in the morning today in Selangor, Malaysia. Though its only for a while but it tends to make most sleepy due to the cozy feeling in the morning.

For me it made me think more and worry more. Which, I am not suppose to do when I'm in work. Everything is progressing tremendously well for the organization which I work for. But where do I stand? What would I have in hand by end of the year? I'll be 29 next year. It will suck not to own anything as a 29 year old dude? What do I look forward to after this? To which direction would I drive my Vehicle? To what certain limits should I pursue the goals that I've set.

Am I just thinking too much or Is this the time to shift gears. Even I would to shift it, with what shall I shift it besides my hands on the gear knob and my foot on the clutch and gas pedal? I guess its no joke when the mind is really working. Got to go now.. ja-na!

Empty And Full

These few days has been a mind wrecking session for me. I'm now employed but the sense of insecurity is in the picture too. Due to certain circumstances, I felt that either I take action to improve my earnings in a different approach or I would end up getting stagnant pays. Though promotion would be given, still I don't see a bright road in front of me.

Feeling so alone and so calm whenever I get back from work is something I really treasure despite of dinners and outing with my brother or colleague. At the same time, having the thoughts of where would I stand in the future at my working environment always keep my mind busy before I lay my head to bed.

The same time emptiness is giving me a good vibe, the same time gushing ideas and thoughts of my future comes into my head. What a life. Ja-na

Heart Station

One of my friend was bugging me on checking out the new anime called Evangelion 1.0. Its a no.1 movie in Japan currently. This anime freak buddy of mine told me the soundtrack made him got glued to it. So, he asked me to check out the video clip.

I was kinda lazy to even check, was glued to something else (CABAL) so I asked him whats the title and the artist of the song. He told me Utada Hikaru's Beautiful World. So I straight away downloaded the whole album. *grin*

The moment I started to listen to the 1st song it haunts me. Brings me back memoirs of a girl that I once knew that looked and sounded exactly like here. A Malaysian. A local. That speaks Japanese! And looks like Utada Hikaru! su-geh!!!


As I listen one song to another, my heart starts to feel heavy. As if its going through a hard time to pump oxygen and blood in and out.

Actually, its a sad moment of my life. At the same time happy, that I've met someone that I've once imagine meeting. Cliche don't you think? When you wish for something so badly, you get it. But, if its fated that it doesn't go the way you want it to be you feel sad and blame the world. Well, for me how I understand is, I don't wish hard enough to make her mine. Simple as that!

If you(you know who you are) so happen to read this, this is what my heart will always tell "You'll always be in my heart no matter what happens, may it be only a memory or an experience or something that I can remind myself about"

By the way my favourite tracks from this album are Fight the Blues and Stay Gold. Really can make one cry *sob*sob*

Ja-Na!

...After A Month

Well its been a month since I last write due to work. I kinda like it, though the pay isn't as much as yuppies which can afford Beemers and Ben-si(you need a Malaysian who speaks fluent Cantonese to tell you what does the word really mean? :D )

Though its a small and low place to start my career back as a dude that works. Well things are doing alright. (hehe i can play my online game in office!!)

This very morning I read my no.1 Idol, our very own Malaysian's Dr.Xavier. I enjoyed it alot, I hope you guys would too. here is the link http://test.chedet.com/

Ja-Na!