2009

Everyone and every newspaper in town is saying that 2009 will have a great economical impact where everything will go through and not down the drain. Just how much more worse can humans thing about the situation that Earth is going to face?

Why can't the newspaper write the same fact but in a positive manner so that everyone has positive mindset to be ready for next year, at least!

If the whole world is to think that economically its going to slum, even the brightest philosopher can't help! Even religion can't help.

All we need to do is to look forward to 2009 with a positive mind so that everyone can emit that positive wave to the world and it will definitely be a better place to live on.

The word "teamwork" is not created for fucks. This is the time to make it to good use. Why can't there be harmonious atmosphere where everyone can bloom from it in economical aspect and civilization aspect?

Ja-Na

Another One gone with the Wind..

I just got off facebook. Again, straight in here after flipping through an album and also watching a video.

I must say I would really like to see in the end who's the last person standing! *grins*

To those that I know dearly is gonna get married or already married or in the verge of getting married just let me know and I shall drop a few lines. Don't keep me in the dark cause sooner or later...

I'LL KNOW! Ja-Na! *laughs*

Idiotic

How much more idioticity(i made this word out myself) can one get from another? Its already enough to be known that being lied in front of someone makes that same one not only look stupid but disgustingly utterly a cork to the other one!

Gosh! Even a baboon can have more common sense out of it.

I can't believe such human exist! Should it even be called a human. I think even calling it an alien is unworthy.

Fuck!

Ja-Na

Every Chance

When I look back in my "love life" department, all I can see is just nothing!

How can this be? How can I had every chance and simply don't grab it? Or I do not know how to grab it?

I have to admit to the fact that, I'm not good with this kinds of things. Thats why I always end up with nothing. Nothing solid, its just a close friend kinda feeling and I really do not know why.

The weird part is when I really like that someone, somehow or rather I'll tend to fuck it up unintentionally. Why does this has to happen to the one I 100% give my commitment to?

Is it that this is the sign to tell me that its not the time yet?( Like what others claimed). Or is this the bliss I have to bear and end up being a bachelor for life? And I would have to consult those who are trouble without chargers. After they feel alright, they'll joke and tell me "you should open up a consultation firm". To me that hurts, wheres the appreciation? Fuck!

Well, I've being friends with different types of females, maybe The Man Above wants me to meet more before he would let me settle with the final one.

I guess is true what they say, "Save The Best For Last".

Rarerity

Today I didn't get to do my laundry in time. That's a little frustrating.

But, today I get to eat steam fish! Yeah..steam fish! HAHA! Accompanied by a plate of bean sprout cooked with salted fish and a plate of tofu cooked with onions. DELICIOUS!

The best part of today's activity was the sight of a rare item which I think its rare. A Leica film camera which I think was used during the Communist occupation. Its really old and the leather is really thick! Everything is in good condition, even the camera itself is working fine. RM450 for that, if I had the bucks to buy it, I will! *laughs*

I even saw one of the many things in my wishlist. A thigh pouch! AWESOME! Still, If I had the bucks I'll buy it. its RM180! *sobs*

Overall, it was an awesome Sunday!

Will You..Will You Not?

I flipped through photo albums again at facebook and I'm back again *laughs*.

Another thought come into my mind. Once upon a time, a few housand metres away from where I live, I get to know this someone and its for quite sometime now we lost contact. It seems that we were never meant to be together. No matter how hard I try, she'll just back off with anger. I guess acceptance is my only option. Persistence will bring me no where but, straight to frustration. And then what?

What will I think of that person? Would I hate her? Would I be sad to do the same stupid mistake again even though after all these years? Would I be happy for her that she finally met someone that really cares and love her until the end of time?

In the 1st place when I said that I think that we are not meant to be together. That's what my Mind tells me after what I've been through. Carefully plan what would i say to her. It all crumbles.

This is the 1st person that gives me cold sweat everytime I think of her. Makes me worry everytime after I text or call her. Makes me restless everytime after I met her. Makes me feels like home everytime I sit on the couch where she lives. That's one thing I can never take it out from my mind. To be seated in someones home and actually for the 1st time in donkey years I can feel that I'm home. But in the end, one stupid move and its all gone, just one.

I'm not saying I've regret not being much more careful to save the day. But here's where it gets more interesting.

Was it my mind that's the main force that makes me thing of that her? Whereby that she is actually herself genuinely?

So now the question is, Will I keep of thinking of her about the person she portrays to be? Or Will I just might as well stop thinking of all the teletubies fantasies of being with her but to think that she's better off with someone else?

You might say that I should meet her up and tell her everything. Like they say, "Let your feelings do the talking". For all I know, I should do it. But hey, this is not Brooklyn or Amsterdam. Neither its Milan or Sicily. I just don't know how to say it here. Here in a place where stuff I say elsewhere works perfectly.

The elders did once mentioned, "There are Valuables you may gain possess of but, There are also Valuables best remains".

*Sigh* ..Ja-Na

The Greatest Moment in Live

I've just logged out from facebook. It starts to tickle my mind, and that's how I end up in here. Another sets of wedding photo(yeah what so great about that right?). Well this is no ordinary wedding photo.

This particular set of wedding photo reminds me right to the moment when I was still in school. When I knew this guy called Jonas Fung. Tennis is the one thing I'll always remember him by. But that's all that I'd remember since we were only schoolmates, not classmates. He's very active in church though. My bet is the relationship grew from there, or maybe elsewhere. Cause the wife is our junior in school. New kid in town at a point of time. Which turns out to be active in church too. I have to admit that she is gracefully a beauty. Jonas you are one lucky bastard! *laughs*

The thing is, there we go, another fallen man, that turns his whole life into the Man of the House. A father to be. Which I think is a great task to handle in years to come. Responsibilities, patience, tolerance, care, love. Everything that you can think of to make a person the best father figure that he can be in the near future for his kids to look up to.

Thats not all. Its the people that supported him to get him through his biggest day. His wedding day. All of that people in the pictures are the people that I reconize(well of course not all of their partners). One of many which I remembered I cycled with him to school everyday when we were in form 1. The next thing you know, he's all grown up maturely smart and handsome. Alvin Ling, time flies right in front of my eyes and there you are. Jason Sii is a person that I remember as a quiet person. By the way nice camera you have there *smiles*. The first thing that flashes in front of me is him, Ah Cheong and me playing marbles at a playground in Kiong Soon Garden. Gosh..what a way to think back those days.

I guess I am getting older. I see more and more wedding pictures. Both, my guy friends and my female friends are getting married.

Lucky, three of my best friend never upload their wedding pictures in here. Else, I would have cried, having sleepless nights, having this mortal guild in me. 2 of them make an effort to reserve a chair for me at their wedding dinner. How much more can I ask for? I'm speechless.

That's why after that incident. I'll always think of that moment, the moment that I read that short text message. Every time I browse through wedding pictures, I will always remember you guys. The Greatest Moment of your Lives, and I didn't make effort to be there to witness that.

You can have all the Money in the world. But, you can't have that few Hours no matter how hard you try. Time is just Greater then whatever you can think of having. The funny thing is, Time is always and will be with you at all times. Whereby money makes your heart pounds so fast that it sends pulse to your brains to instruct your lips to carve a smile on your face. How cliche..Ja-Na

Believe

I used to go to church every single morning since i was standard 3 until I finished SPM. I even went to sunset mass and Sunday mass. In between all that I went to other churches. To cut it short. I was raised S.I.B, educated and baptize in a Protestant church and getting my PhD in a Roman Catholic church. I guess still, my Mommy is the defending champion, she even attended masses in a Methodist church.

Enough about religion. What about what one believes in doing?

Do you believe that you can touch the moon and the skies? Do you believe that you can be successful in whatever field you are in the current future? Do you believe that one day, the world will be under one and one only ruler?

Sometimes it makes me wonder. Believing that one day I'll find the Right one. It never happens. But it turns out to be the other way round. I believe so deep in my heart that I marked the day that my eldest brother will come home(Sarikei) cause I believe that he's coming back. I can imagine him coming home, eating meals together, having fun doing traps in the backyard for naughty cats that steals our cat's food. For all I knew, that day was the day my late father passed away, and he really came back.

When I believe that I would have someone, someone to share my the air that I breath. It always ends up bad. Either the parents don't like me, or the family have to move to another state or country, or my mom just don't like her, or even as simple as a misunderstanding when she was have "the moment" of the month.

Like my colleague told me, religion is to give us hope. That I totally agree. For all the do and the don't in my past life nothing went the way I wanted it to be. But, I did hope for one thing. The one thing that I always ask from God in church every single morning in my prayers before I go to school. I asked for an interesting life(since life in Sarikei sucks to high heaven).

Guess what, I am having an interesting life. Going to college at a later age. Working and experiencing at the wrong moment of my life. Not having a pretty resume to be hand over to a company when I applied for a job. Jobless at one point of time. Working with wedges that can hardly be enough for a 16 year old kid gets for his/her pocket money a month.

Here I am writing this blog. Thinking what did I believe in having. I had it. Its because I believe that I'm already in it. What I don't understand is the culture shocks and the statements that people I've met and experience is way beyond my wildest imagination.

Right now, what I am thinking is actually nothing. I just don't know what to believe in now. I'm lost, I'm stranded, I'm still floating in mid air with water around me.

Sometimes there so much that I want to share, but it just seem to be insane to other human being.

Sometimes I really wanted to wake up and write something in here but the minute I woke up is already time to go to work.

I live a very simple life and yet its so hard for me to cope with it. I won't want to imagine what will a guy with a wife and 2 kids do.

Believing is so true that it happens. But the circumstances that one has to face is totally out of the picture that one painted in the mind. Can that be avoided? or minimized? Or is it against the Law of Nature that we are in control of the consequences which is applied to each and every step of one's move.

hmm..I guess I think too much. I wish I could just sit in a library full of books and do nothing but read and just don't care about whats happening and just keep on thinking of answers to my questions. Well, that's not going to happen cause I'm not a smart kid that have the luxury of being in an education facilities that provides such kinds.

Sometimes its hard to accept the path that one walks when one sees the other one walks a path which is so much different from his. One can be tolerant, patient, accepting, forgiving, sharing, caring, and learning. To what extend can one go? To what extend can one hold? Til then...Ja-Na

Another Sunday

After questing and leveling in WoW (World Of Warcraft) I ended up sleeping at 4 in the morning( Plus watching Knight Rider, Dexter and The Cleaner's new episodes). As I woke up, my plan was to do my laundry and do the lawn. My phone beeps, and there, an invitation to an open house for raya event has finally submerge! My ex-secondary classmate is inviting.

As usual I'll do my laudry, plus today I have a haircut (yeah, I cut my own hair) and was really excited about the open house, finally I can show the world with my camera how a Laksa Sarawak is made and looks like..

Now is 2:59pm..and guess what? My bike has a puncture tire..dang! I can't move! I guess I have to accept the fact that I'll be late for this meet up..lets see whether I can make it in time..Ja-na

Hell Its about time..

Its been 6 years, since I last stepped my foot into a place which smells tipsy, sounds excited, taste bitter, looks tempting and feel you wanna come again. This will be my 1st of many venues to come (I hope not). I don't wanna bump into the "old-boys" and have to drink til morning anymore! *laughs*


A friend of mine had an invitation to a newly open "rest house" I would called it (after looking around the area) which I think the name doesn't suit the ambiance even to the slightest bit. The music are more electronica rather then natural projected equipment sounds.

But heres the catchy part about this place! Is whats installed around the vicinity of the space. Poles! yeah! poles everywhere!(Duh! As if there's gonna be strippers coming through the smokes and start teasing the crowd) I guess this place will host those pole dancing tournament thingy in the near future.


The interior look kinda cheap and tone down after you saw the name of the place. I don't know what to say? I've been various clubs back then, this is more like a strip joint that has pre-strippers that still end up with their cloths on. Thats why I tagged it as a rest house.

But I guess girls would like to come here more often if there were more events that were held during the launching. Yeah girls! you know what I'm talking about after you see this picture!



Well, I must say overall the layout is good, both attractive and urban. I don't know the rates for their poison, but I guess it should be somewhere around the price of what KL has to offer. I guess full house is good, well that's what every club wants right? To have full house on the 1st day!




I only had a pax of JD coke, but I was rather drunk taking photos, great experience to take night shots in the club! Until then.. Ja-na!

Thinking Thoughts

To care for someone was never affectionate,
But it brings misunderstand rather then bonding,
Effort always collides with appreciate,
But isn't effort defined as commitment by some?

Commitment always get one into confusion,
Companionship always lead one to seduction,
Desperation always lead one to comparison,
Physical intimacy always gets compassion.

Concepts always end up thinking,
Ideas always end up stolen,
Condemnation always end up striking,
Showing always end up proven.

Wealth always comes from the thought,
Lust was never from the heart,
Scandals will never get caught,
Memoirs always meant to be crafted.

Luck Never Exist

Luck never exist, so does coincident,
Love exist always by accident,
Separating couples always have an evident,
To blame each other when it comes to judgment.

Luck never exist, so does talent,
The smart ones always stay silent,
The hardworking ones always increment,
The lazy ones end up getting accomplishment.

Luck never exist when it comes to life,
Even when you're choosing a girlfriend of a wife,
You promise the moon, the land and even the sea,
But when you already have her, argument is all you foresee.

The Mind is so complex that no one can expect,
How much more of power and potential that it can project,
To crave for someone is always an impact,
To not have that something is also in the aspect,
Showing off something always has the sense of respect,
To let the mind help you might always be correct,
But if you believe in yourself, then everything will be intact,
For this is what The Great Mind has always implicate.

The Imbalance that Balance Us

If you want something, you work for it,
Sometimes you'll receive it right after you work it,
Sometimes you have to wait a while longer to appreciate it,
Most of the time you'll ponder, "How the fuck can I miss it?"

When you show good deeds, others praise you,
When you project good intentions, others think of you,
When you found the solution, others thank you,
In return does all That really satisfy you?

If you are laze, everything turns messy,
If you are bad, everything seems so easy,
Sometimes you have badass attitude, girls find it sexy,
Sometime you do the wrong, it makes your heart happy.

To do good or to do the wrong doing,
Is actually what we do best as a human being,
Screwing underage always gets you canning,
Lying about the truth always make you charming.

For all the things that we do daily,
Is actually worse then a tooth fairy,
In the world today everyone need to be tech savvy,
To make sadeness go and make ourselves happy.

Cunt-fused

Why is it most females would rather keep quiet about something that they like to do or someone that they admire about but at the same time keep on giving response to the things that they don't fancy or someone that they don't fancy? Is that just female or is it just me?

When we men want answers, we want it straight to the point. I guess the same goes to women ey? Its proven when a women gets pissed of at you when only tell them the real shit about something. Same goes to the men. Maybe we tend to forget how important is that answer to the women. Same goes to the men. So why would most females just keep on responding and giving feedback to the ones that they aren't attracted to? Why not just say, "you suck, buzz off!". Owh! and now you would think that's very impolite to such a thing? That is bullshit. Instead you're torturing the heart. The heart has to calculate the amount of oxygen then has to mix it with the blood and then they have to distribute it to your entire body. Would you think the heart had the time to think about whats polite and whats not? Hell no! That is what the brain does, not the heart!

And guess what the guys think about the girls that are outspoken. They are so smart they called them bitches or sluts. Now, where in the blue hell did that came out? Outspoken females = attractive hotties! They speak their mind out. You'd be surprise if they can blow your minds out and not only your other brain.

The heart is already doing a very complicated and complex job EVERY single second of our breathing lives. So don't complicate it any further. Keep it simple and see how the world will evolve into. Ja-Na

Boredom

When you get bored of an activity, or a routine, what would you do?

Would you continuously force yourself to do it no matter how bored or monotonous it gets or will to switch to something else which you will gain a new experience by doing it?

One thing I've notice as I grow older, the older I get, the weaker I become. Its like you have that one particular thing in you which will just run short compared to when you're younger. Now, the best part about this feeling is, you won't notice that it gets to you, it will just get to you. That is how I am feeling right now, tired, bored, monotonous about my surrounding.

I guess when I collected enough dough, I will make an effort to make a different kind of pizza. A pizza that will bring a new flavour, new taste, new aroma to it. *Fingers crossed*

Jealousy or Effort?

Its been a week already and I still feel shitty about myself. Whats going on? dammit.

I've done all I can think of to achieve where I want to stand and where I want to be. The answer is someone else got it effortlessly. Should I be jealous or should I be happy? Cause of the reason that I helped out in the process of achieving that someone's dream. That my advise finally payed off. What about me? What is it in for me? Gratitude from the heart? Fuck that! In the world that I known of nothing like that exist. I'm not in Lalaland or Dreamland. I'm on earth. So why the fuck is this happening?

Am I destined to be the person that can't achieve their dream but to help and assist others to achieve theirs? If anyone has an answer to it please share that pain with me. I would really die internally if this continues. *sad*

Morning Shower

It rains in the morning today in Selangor, Malaysia. Though its only for a while but it tends to make most sleepy due to the cozy feeling in the morning.

For me it made me think more and worry more. Which, I am not suppose to do when I'm in work. Everything is progressing tremendously well for the organization which I work for. But where do I stand? What would I have in hand by end of the year? I'll be 29 next year. It will suck not to own anything as a 29 year old dude? What do I look forward to after this? To which direction would I drive my Vehicle? To what certain limits should I pursue the goals that I've set.

Am I just thinking too much or Is this the time to shift gears. Even I would to shift it, with what shall I shift it besides my hands on the gear knob and my foot on the clutch and gas pedal? I guess its no joke when the mind is really working. Got to go now.. ja-na!

Empty And Full

These few days has been a mind wrecking session for me. I'm now employed but the sense of insecurity is in the picture too. Due to certain circumstances, I felt that either I take action to improve my earnings in a different approach or I would end up getting stagnant pays. Though promotion would be given, still I don't see a bright road in front of me.

Feeling so alone and so calm whenever I get back from work is something I really treasure despite of dinners and outing with my brother or colleague. At the same time, having the thoughts of where would I stand in the future at my working environment always keep my mind busy before I lay my head to bed.

The same time emptiness is giving me a good vibe, the same time gushing ideas and thoughts of my future comes into my head. What a life. Ja-na

Heart Station

One of my friend was bugging me on checking out the new anime called Evangelion 1.0. Its a no.1 movie in Japan currently. This anime freak buddy of mine told me the soundtrack made him got glued to it. So, he asked me to check out the video clip.

I was kinda lazy to even check, was glued to something else (CABAL) so I asked him whats the title and the artist of the song. He told me Utada Hikaru's Beautiful World. So I straight away downloaded the whole album. *grin*

The moment I started to listen to the 1st song it haunts me. Brings me back memoirs of a girl that I once knew that looked and sounded exactly like here. A Malaysian. A local. That speaks Japanese! And looks like Utada Hikaru! su-geh!!!


As I listen one song to another, my heart starts to feel heavy. As if its going through a hard time to pump oxygen and blood in and out.

Actually, its a sad moment of my life. At the same time happy, that I've met someone that I've once imagine meeting. Cliche don't you think? When you wish for something so badly, you get it. But, if its fated that it doesn't go the way you want it to be you feel sad and blame the world. Well, for me how I understand is, I don't wish hard enough to make her mine. Simple as that!

If you(you know who you are) so happen to read this, this is what my heart will always tell "You'll always be in my heart no matter what happens, may it be only a memory or an experience or something that I can remind myself about"

By the way my favourite tracks from this album are Fight the Blues and Stay Gold. Really can make one cry *sob*sob*

Ja-Na!

...After A Month

Well its been a month since I last write due to work. I kinda like it, though the pay isn't as much as yuppies which can afford Beemers and Ben-si(you need a Malaysian who speaks fluent Cantonese to tell you what does the word really mean? :D )

Though its a small and low place to start my career back as a dude that works. Well things are doing alright. (hehe i can play my online game in office!!)

This very morning I read my no.1 Idol, our very own Malaysian's Dr.Xavier. I enjoyed it alot, I hope you guys would too. here is the link http://test.chedet.com/

Ja-Na!