Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tour De Sarikei

I would always flashback to my school days most of the time when I'm lying on my bed. I guess the sweetest memories was when me and my buddies have groups in riding bicycles! *giggles* Gosh! I really miss them a lot!

We would be so serious in training before the event by riding far. Far enough for others to say that we are nuts! Frequent enough to make others say "Stupid!". Though its not a big achievement in life, but it was a good thing to remember and a good thing that happen in our life. We even modified our bicycle just to be compatible with the track which we are going to ride on the event itself. Damn! To think back on the seriousness we put into this event was tremendous.

Though we got 2nd place in the race. I still won 2nd place for individual achievement. It was really a day to remember. Riding with the wind with my buddies with a pack of other schoolmates which now are all grown up.

Most of them are married already. Some with kids, congratulations to those that made it that far! *giggles*

Apart from that, I've seen a lot of them being to other parts of the world. So I would also like to congratulate them for that.

The point is, I really miss my buddies and I want to meet them so badly. I wish I could. I hope God will grant me that wish one day.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Separated

Today all kinds of feelings runs through me, guild, sad, happy, excited, anger, hatred, you name it I feel it. Why? Well, its because this very day my brother is on a flight back in hometown for good and I feel very lonely and also very guilty for what had happen over these past few years. I hope that I can pick up the bits and pieces and start my new life quickly. Cause one day, I want to be with my brother again. This time no more mistake, for this is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my 28 years of living. Damn to the ones that con me, damn to the one that cheated me, damn to the ones that deceive me. For I no longer hear you, for I no longer have mercy on you. Thrust is something so priceless. I just let it slip away so easily. I have fail and I hope that one day I will be forgiven.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Ease

The more I stop thinking about it, the lighter my mind gets. At last, I can finally rest my head to sleep in within my biological clock. I pray and hope that what I am about to do is the right decision and at least I would be able to stand on my two feet to walk till the end of the tunnel, along with the ones that I will tagged along after this.

It may sound cruel when I were to mention that the things that I do involves life forms which is capable of making crucial decisions. Nevertheless, when something that one put effort into doesn't happen, once or twice or even a several times, I guess that goal is not meant for that person. Or maybe, the time has not come for it to come into the picture to be hang in one's room to be apprecieted.

So long old memories, so long to the effort that I put into. So much time, so much materials being shaped with. But I'm glad that its over. For better or for worse, a sentence always needs a full stop after all the commas being tagged along the line.

Does it sound cruel or does it sound pleasant when its read out? In my opinion, its for the person who reads it, not for the person who writes it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Surviving Earning Living

These couple of weeks was a rough ride for me. I can't imagine what will happen if I just stood in one position and strongly believe in what I did was the right thing to do. After a great fall. I finally decided to move on. No more previous jobs. This time I have to make it right. Else I won't be seeing computers, or handphones or websites, or any electronic gadgets.

As I was laying down, I can't sleep and a thought came into my mind. I was thinking, why did the people back in kampung was so eager to know how much are younger people making. I always thought that they want to show off which son or daughter can earn more and at the same time spend their wealth and tie them down till they find their other half to be married. That also have to make sure that other half is twice as valuable as their children. Maybe thats what really happen.

But when I look at it from another angle. I guess the older generation kept on pestering those questions to us younger ones is because they want to make sure that we have enough rice to eat, enough petrol for the car, enough to pay the bills and installments and also enough to feed our own family one fine day.

So what does it takes to get there. Study hard? Get a good job? Or earn enough to live on? These 3 things don't come on the same road. Study hard to get good grades makes our parents happy. Some of us are happy with our grades cause we work hard for it. After that what? Graduate and look for jobs. Yeay! we got got the job that we are looking for. But comes another question, are the perks justified by the job load? That can never be an answer for that kind of question. Our superior will always tell us that, "Is either you do you job or get a new one!". But at the same time people will also say, "Do what you know best and believe in yourself". So which is right? Time to time we search for the right job to get to the right answer to satisfy ourselves, to satisfy our needs.

Does graduating in a field and work on that same field promise us a bright future? Or is it just an experience in everyones life to grow and learn about how hard life can be or how easy life can be? Does it takes us to fall as many times as possible until the right time comes then we will find our answer?

To survive we need to earn something, thats how we live our life. No matter what it takes, some illegal some legal, it doesn't matter. All it matters is one tries his or her best to live. We can't blame them or look down on them or feel shy or proud that we are doing a specific job to earn something.

At last I came up with a proverb which gives me strength to face the sun from today onwards.
"If you think money can buy everything, try and buy time. Ask a billionaire to make the time 12:00pm when its already 12:01pm."


Another one is

"To be a rich man is to be as shrewd as one can imagine, but the shrewdness of time bares no mercy to no one."

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Words

Have you ever think of how you have lived your life. It doesn't matter whether you're young or mid or old? Do you take things the positive way? Or the other way?

I realize that words can be deceiving at the same time it can be deadly. It works both ways, towards an individual or back to its owner. Either both ways, it can be for the good or for the bad at the end.

Sometimes, words can be mistaken and misunderstanding arise. Its when an individual took it for granted or said it for granted. Didn't realize that what being said or heard may effect that individual or his/her surroundings.

Words can be lovely, slutty, bitchy or even dominant. It lures someone's heart to the other, it flirts between both sexes. It sometimes make both party feel good in a bad way and sometimes make one or the opposite obeys.

What a wonderful gift God has created for us human to use as a tool to get along with each other.

Look at todays world? Criminals get away with the best lawyers. Unhealthy cults sway people away from their believes. Conman gets all the money they want without getting caught. Leaders giving promises which never materialize and jeopardize his team.

What about the ones that once learn how to live life in a proper manner. That doesn't know how to cheat? That doesn't know how to lie? That doesn't know how to mislead people on purpose. All these people do is convince, with a little hope that they can have a little bit more air to breath. But in return, all that they encounter is bad things happen.

What is Right and What is Wrong? You tell me.

Until then Ja-Na

Monday, April 07, 2008

Executive Decisions

Have you ever come across a situation when you want to execute a well planned work flow , all of a sudden the old work flow seems to be in the way?

Or even when you're working on something, and all your life you've been working for it, and suddenly you just think that its not gonna happen and try to move in a different direction and suddenly that old "work" of yours starts igniting.

I find it a very hard decision to make. Whether to hold back and believe in what I'm doing all these while and at the same time suffer big time. Or, do I have to put an end to it and move on to other direction which I plan to go to. I had already tried so hard to let go and start a new life but it seems to be stuck to me no matter how.

*Confuse*

Until then Ja-Na

Weekends

Different people look at weekends differently. Some of them rather wander of to city streets, some rather go outskirts, some rather stay at home sipping coffee and watch TV.

Well for this past 5 years weekends for me is rather quiet. Unlike those days where I would wander off to shopping malls or party through the night. I would cook and have my meals at home. Wash my clothes. Watch my TV series, watch my movies and have a cup of pulled-tea at night with close friends at a nearby coffee shop.

Sometimes I wonder how can some keep up to clubbing and partying even though its already pass 5 years. *Hmm* is it really that good? *smiles*

Even having barbecue every weekend gets a person to a hospital. An uncle in the neighborhood where I once lived experience that. I can consider him the master of barbecue. Up till now, so far, all the barbecue I attended. Theres nothing like the ones I had back then. Prove me wrong and invite me to your barbecue, if you have any coming in the near future.

I would prefer gatherings, barbecue and stuff like that rather then clubbing or partying *giggles*. Does that means I'm growing old?

Until then Ja-Na

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Promises

Promises are meant to be broken or to be kept?

Why must one over promise the other? Is it a sign of dictation? Or showing off who's more capable in manipulating the situation? Or is it a habit?

Why must there be a victim and the victim is always not the one that being over promised but instead, the person that is ALL to be blame is the person that brings that promise from the person who promise to the person that wants to be promised.

How much more complicated can life be?

Beyond Down

I wish I could write more joyful stuff in here rather than sad story all the time sad incident all the time. Why can I just have a sweet memorable and happy experience for once! So that I can write something happy...DAMN!

I guess this world is really fair, you can see it for yourself its happening. Some sad some happy, proven! So don't say the world is very unfair to you.

Experience

I was attending a meeting with an old chap somewhere in kl yesterday, was about to close a deal (I'm in sales line as for now, part time). So this uncle was chit chatting and I notice something different about the way he structure his sentences. Though I didn't manage to close the deal. I was amazed by how that uncle speaks..

When I back home (quite late though) I start realizing, it takes donkey years to be able to speak like that. There is no way in hell a person can just speaks like that if he/she haven't reach the golden years of their life. Simply impressive.

*Smiles*...

Others

Do you think of others when you are down? or when you're happy?

Well, the fact that when someone is happy, someone will be sad right? Thats how it works down here on Earth. Don't you think?

What if you're suffering? will that make someone else having a blast?

What if you're broke? will that make someone else a penny richer?

What if you're heartbroken? Will that make someone else in love?

My religion teaches me to "love yourself, before you love others" - how I interpreted it was I make sure I am really stable on my 2 feet then I help others. As I grew older I realize that interpreting that word wasn't easy.

Up till today I still can define that particular phrase. I guess is just how we human look at it and exercise it. yeah?

Until then Ja-Na