Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Successful?

Its been a while since I wrote anything in here. Due to some circumstances I wasn't able to come in here, my power supply blewed off while playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. I guess games now dosen't concern a high end graphic card anymore, it needs lots of power! Well, I guess I won't be playing games for a while. I was reading The Star papers a while ago (Monday issue) and theres this article where it tells the reader that anyone can be succesful. To me, its major bullshit, newspapers, what else can they feed the society?

I had lived for 26 years now, though I know its short compared to others which had lived until 80-100 years old. Maybe I wasn't meant to live that long thats why God had give me so much wisdom in common sense, so much that sometimes I feel so down looking things around me evolve in a good and bad manner simultaneously. So, what is succesful all about to a person? Just a thought, some might be inspired by people around them, some might even be motivated by their breathing ambience and some just got extra lucky along the path that they are walking, which comes to my question, what does successful mean?

Theres this magazine which measures one's wealth, Forbes. Is being successful all about the wealth that you can dig from mother nature? Theres a book which measures what people can do, Guiness Book of Records. Is being successful getting attention on what you do best in life when you realize that you can do much better then usual? Just to mention a few materialistic success in a life of a person. What about being successful in life where one feels descended from a normal life to a higher being in a spiritual sense, is that too measured as successful too?

So what if someone is successful? What do you get out of success? Satisfactory? Fame? Glamour? Attention? Are humans that easily contempted with life nowadays where the Elders worked so hard to keep their generations flow into the future. Inventions and breathroughs of things and understandthing for the future, discovering new possibilities, building complex concepts, giving bright unique ideas. Why must success be publisize? To show people that you're successful? To motivate the de-motivated? What about balance? Things are fair and square, one can be happy and sad but not at the same time? Couples exist? Blue need Yellow to be Green. Dosen't all religion teaches their believers to be balance in life? To limit everything that they do in live? What about greed and generous?

Balance is something that everyone is lack of these days. Thats why the world had become what it is today. Unbalance, some may thing that, but if you get to think a little bit deeper, its all balance still. Balance evolve from a dot, surrounded by a circle and the circle that surround the circle and the next one. Isn't that how the solar system was being visualized today?. Isn't balance a wonderful thing? When a happy couple had a great time on a fine evening, another is having troubles and arguements? Someone can win a lottery ticket that he bought, but the other loses his job when he had a family to feed. So what is successful got to do with balance?

End of the day, to be successful is to balance between the light and the dark side of oneself. Though, some might thing that its impossible. Everything is possible, rain falls, sun shines, earth shatters, ice melts. Patients ruled over haste, calm ruled over rage, humbleness ruled over pretentious, sincererity ruled over egoistic. Sharing ruled over selfishness. To blame something happen might be a nature to every human whenever they fail, but theres someone to tell them its wrong to have that habit. To blame someone over their own mistake whenever things go wrong, at last the wrong things comes back to him. What goes around comes around. Still, it all comes to balance in life.

I'm saying all this to comfort myself actually. I've been through something that a 26 year old man shouldn't go through, that a 26 year old should be sleeping right this moment so that he can wake up and start a new day in his office with his tie on and his ironed shirt with a pair of slacks and polished shoe with socks in it. I had always hold on to this thoughts whenever I feel down. I have read so many article to boost my morale, I have been going through job vacancies in the newspapers. When I think to myself, why am I no more excited about new jobs?, no more eager to find a job to earn a living, when I'm barely surviving. My car is about to be impound soon enough. Phone will be cut off, internet will be offlined, landlord of the house will chase me away.Why is this happening to me, am I under motivated? Am I ending my life just like this? Throwing it down the drain just in a glimpse?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

TV Series?

Just finished watching Desperate Housewives Season 3 episode 5. The story just get juicer everytime, things that you don't expect to happen, just happened. Thats one thing I liked about some TV series. Series like LOST Season 3(running), Battlestar Galactica Season 3(running), Vanished Season 1(stalling), Heroes Season 1(running), Jericho Season 1(running), Smallville Season 6(Thanks to Istella, I'm now hooked to it!), Dexter Season 1(running), Smith Season 1 (stalling), Shark Season 1(stalling), Kidnapped Season 1(running), The Nine Season 1(running), Prison Break Season 2(stalling) and the rest of the TV series that just showed they pilot episode were Aquaman, Faceless, Union Jackass and The Class. These are the TV series so far I've been keeping track on with.

Let me give a sneak peak for each and every title that I've just mentioned. As usual Desperate Housewives, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, Smallville, Prison Break, Surface, Evasion and Threshold is shown on national TV. Surface, Evasion and Threshold are Sci-Fi TV series and only end at the 1st Season (dammit). I personally like Threshold alot, it makes you feel the alien's presents but there nowhere to be seen. Desperate Housewives is a famous title as well as LOST and the rest, so I won't want to talk on that so much. You can just post any feedback if you wanna know what happen in the latest episodes *grin*.

You might want to put some attention on Smallville Season 6 cause Green Arrow is in it for 8 episodes, Oliver Queen (Green Arrow)is a well-made character, I love it, the actor really suits the character, cool costume, cool bow and arrow(very high-tech looking).

As for LOST(my favourite TV series), things gets a lil nasty when Kate, Sawyer and Jack went into a big trap, as for Sayed and the Korean couple, they are just trying to help out, Micheal and Walter fled off in a boat, the mysterious Irish acscent guy will still be around cause his girlfriend was involve in the 2nd season finale.

Battlestar Galactica got a little violent compared to the last season. Killing and slicing, bombing and more bombing, and torturing. Great stuff. Well, thats where I learn the word Frack You! *laughs*. Just a sneak preview Lee has gotten fat(Commander's son), Starbuck grew long hair and became more feminine. Boomer gain's Adama's trust, Commander Tai is in detention, his wife get to frack the one fo the cylon. Its kind of intense when Battlestar and Pegasus try to rescue the remaining citizens of Galactica from New Caprica.

Prison Break (another one of my favourite) gets more and more intense, really keeps me off my feet everytime watching it. I tried to think what will happen in the next episode, but it always turned out differently and suprisingly, you'd be asking yourself (owh frack, what now?) and you'll start jumping out of your seat to watch and see what happen next, always messed up my popcorns. Okay, I'll give some juice, YES, they found the money, how? Well, you need to watch it yourself (unless you wanna come my house and watch *laughs*).

Something new to watch out for is Jericho, Vanished, Heroes, Dexter, Kidnapped and Smith. These are just a few of many which I would recommend to all you guys out there. Interesting plot, can't really predict what will happen, stuff like that really get you just want to watch the next episode so badly that it sometimes effect your daily mood.

Jericho tells a story about a small town in the States, some remote area. The main character is still keeping his identity secret and his family is pissed of because he just ran away without notice. So as he comes back, he'll run you around the town and introduce you to the characters and places, everything was calm and normal until, a boy was sitting on the roof top and saw mushroom clouds. Let the fun begin!

Vanished is about a US senator, going for elections, then one fine night at a dinner party, all of a sudden his wife vanished. An FBI agent who is so good in doing his job and taking down the bad guys, but one fine day he lost is son, appearently the terrorist blew up the son(4 to 5 years old), damn sick and terrified show, but thats the catch of this tv series. The best part is, the senator's past and family's secret were leaked out slowly in different ways.

If you guys are into psycho movies, or sick shows, watch Dexter. Its one frack-tup show, but interesting in a way, loads of blood involve, gorely ways of killing people in detail. Its beacuse, Dexter is a blood expert in the Police Department. His younger adopted sister is a cop to and both his adopted parents passed away in their teenage life. I nearly puked watching the pilot episode, thats how violent this one gets.

As for Heroes, well its a typical super hero movie, just that there are a bunch of them this time, consisting of a time traveller(male), double personality (one play nice, the other one just rip you apart)(female), unbelievable healing factor(female), mind reader(male), mind reader jammer(male), floats(male), really strong ass dude that can bent or destroy anything, draws the future (after jabbing himself with morphin) and of course, theres a Professor X which happens to be an Indian. Quite entertaining, this ones gonna kill your boredom.

Well thats all for now, until then. Ja-na!

Monday, October 23, 2006

How True Can Fitness Get?

Got a call from my ex-colleague just now, apperently my ex-sub-boss is leaving the company. She's the one that hired me, and she's leaving now for another job, I wonder where? This woman is a very charismatic women, pretty, smart, cunning, and very resourceful. But, she'll bitch around if workload dosen't tele with the deadline. Thats one of the things that I will always remember. "Make sure you finish your job on time!" *smiles*. Well at least she's one of the bosses which I worked with that gave me good memoirs of a workplace (unlike others). I left the company after 3 months working, got stuck with a car now, jobless, what the frack you expect me to pay the car, miraclously I manage to survive until this very day, its been a year plus now. Why did I left? Well, imagine you're working with a snake (you will when you fell being bitten by one), thats how bad my department was. It was still a relief, when I heard that "The Snake" got fired, or quitted herself before getting fired (dosen't matter). I'm happy for my ex-colleagues from the same department, that she vanished from their sight.

What can I say about the work place? Its a good place to start if you think you're fit to do marketing job. Oh, trust me, you'll love it alot *grin* (Lets hope that no staff from True Fitness is reading this.*giggles*). Lets talk about ambience (Mr. Patrick Wee likes to stress on that point, E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E!). If you want to compare the amount of hot chics in a workplace, forget about bragging about yours, cause where I worked, I'll be damned not to be flattered or motivated by the amount of mouth droolers!*giggles*. Its heaven for losers like me, at the same time its a good place to build up your confidence in woo-ing a chic to be labeled as your girlfriend, all the staff are trained to be friendly, the word shy don't exist there.

Got to know a few of them, I'm not mentioning names (I'll be killed as soon as I stepped out of my house if I do that), one of them is with the front desk (I wonder is she still working there?), she's a chinese, short hairdo, fair, and a very hot looking, super red (colour code for Toyota Wish) lips, super solid body, pierced tongue and belly button, she's friendly and bubbly greets whoever comes into the fitness facility. Now, heres the catch, she fancies her own species*smiles*. So forget the frack about her. The other, was her colleague in front desk too, she's a malay, tanned skin, short hairdo, and damn she got nice piece of ass, one can always be fascinated by the motion of her buttcheeks whenever she walks around (my nose bled everytime that happens). Dammit!

Theres another girl which I was fond too, a Membership Consultant, but stopped after a month I guess, well, she is one sweet girl, tanned skin, soft hair, neatly tied, nearly my height, drooling looking piece of ass, not to mention her physic, I really like her. Unlike the others, we went for dinner, after talking to each other for quite sometime during our break (I don't remember being such a player, no I'm not, just being nice). I got her a few leads to work with, since I was managing most of the sales leads (Sorry Zen, I just have to do it! My resistance towards her persuasion skills was way too weak). I even introduced my friends to register with her (well, the ones that bought cars from me when I was in NAZA MOTOR *grin*). It was my fault, I wasn't sensitive enough for her, she was mad at me at one point, so she just ditch me off, pathetically stupid of me not to see that coming, but at the same time I've learned to be more sensitive when it comes to females. At least, I learned something out of these really short term friendship, though its a hard one to digest. What made her so attractive? She lightens up most of my fracked up day with her joyfull smile, that I will never forget. Her soft looking tanned skin makes me feel relaxed everytime I gazed at her. Her soft hair makes me one to brush my hands through it. One must never doubt God's gift to men on earth, just be thankful that we get to live another day to see the beautiful living things and structure that He had laid on earth and figure out how the frack did they build it(Thats what universities build for ain't it?). Enough crap! Until then, Ja-na!

Stream-My-Ass


I've been using internet line from this particular service provider, so far, it was all okay, I can surf whenever I wanted, I can play online games smoothly without any interruption, I can download documents or files which associates with my work. It all went well until one find day when I received a memo from them, saying that they are going to do "Global Upgrading" which sounds good to me. I was thinking well, at last the government has decided to go all out on IT and make Malaysia proud.

Eventually, I did manage to surf when they were doing the upgrading, so I told my elder bro, "This guys are good in what they are doing ey?". The fun starts after they finish "upgrading", it was when I noticed that my router keeps on hogging everytime I surf or chat or do anything online. I can't play my online game which I bought, it is a waste of money! Not waste of money, its a liability to what I had invested. Soon, I heard that they were capping the traffic through the exchange all over the country, this guys think they are smart to traffic the cap, so that torrent won't work. Well guess what, from what I know, inside information tells me that the Management level Department and all other high level departments are using the internet line to download their favourite mp3 albums, movies, and TV series, per series, not episodes okay, I repeat, per series. After watching them, if they have the tendency to burn it on CD and sell it or lend they friend to watch it, I would understand, but no, they don't do that. Everyone downloads, and watch, and throw, and download again. What the frack is that? Waste of bacndwidth, and the report on the newspaper says that the society is encouraging torrent thats why they have to put it to a stop. Frack! We pay okay!, those people working upstairs is not.

Tap and Hold? Press and Click? Step and Turn?


Throughout the years of my life, video games and computer games have been part of my life. Concerntration, Determination, Effort, Focus, Alertness, Speed, these are keyword to gaming. You can start of with a simple game, from handheld console, then step up to console, then step up to PC. Puzzle games are the simplest and the least effort to put in, is just that you don't have to arrange anything, with a click of a button or key, everything will be rearranged back to its normal position for you to start again. But and times, puzzle games like Chess, cards, Tetris and etc. can be a little bit annoying. At least it builds up the gamer in you for a start. As for adventure games, like Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Metroid, Contra, Rockman(Megaman) and etc. this are the games which provide thrills and spills to tell you that time is not on your side. Next is, RPG (Role Playing Game), games like Eye of the Beholder, Dungeon and Dragons, Gaunlet and etc. are mostly converted from board games. Rather slow, but addictive. There are 2 types, Turn-Base and Real-Time, as i mention earlier on, thats all real time, turn-base are more like UFO-Terror From The Deep, Jagged Alliance and etc. The evolvement of these to genres of RPG is made by Squaresoft which developed Final Fantasy, whereby, Final Fantasy 6 (Version 3 for english) introduces both genres, real time and turn base. Interestingly comes Chrono Trigger, then Blizzard made a hit with Diablo. These are the few famous genres which you can find in any PC, console or handheld in the earlier days.


Then comes the new era of computer games, FPS (First Person Shooter) which became a hit, it hit so badly that everyone is hooked to it. Doom started it all, then Quake, then a few other titles which barely made it through, then came Half Life, Counter Strike and etc. These games need you to play it frequently for you brains to get use to the pressure that you're going to handle. I have witness people puking, headache and loss of appetite often. RTS (Real Time Strategy) is also an interesting genre where Command & Conquer from Westwood started off, then comes Warcraft from Blizzard then, Starcraft from Blizzard again (No wonder they are lazy to come up with any sequels lately..dammit). After that generation, comes lots of other interesting RTS games which didn't really made games as interesting as the pioneers made it.

Sports games are kind of addictive too. I have witness it myself. I remembered when I was working in a Cyber Cafe in the past few years. I stumble across a game called "Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2". Well from the moment I read the review over gamespot.com, I knew this is going to be a hit game, but how would i implement it in cyber cafes? Frack it! So I decided to buy a copy of the game, and try it out in the cyber cafe, miraclously it end up that the whole cyber cafe is hooked to that game, 30 PCs all playing the same game. Hell no! Its not a multiplayer game! Well, thats where I notice that I do really have talent in marketing games for an outlet, too bad nobody needs people like me to promote games, why? This bloody country don't have any game developer.


Recently, Codemasters has opened up its branch in Malaysia, and they are kicking off
things soon, to build up games for Codemasters. No doubt Colin McRae series was a good one from Codemasters, other games like Operation Flastpoint was also a good one . The point is, from what I read from the papers, they(Malaysia Branch) don't need any lamers like me to promote their games, they need fracking genuises to make games! What the frack? You think a genius can make games? Genius makes good lecturer and philosopher, people like me need a job in places Codemasters, too bad still, in Malaysia, if you don't have the connections or status or your daddy ain't rich enough to be called a rich bastard, dude, you're going no where! Wheres the free country policy that once the society of Malaysia can be proud about. I have to admit that I'm one lucky bastard that is born here, imagine all different races staying in a country. But if what is happening to Malaysia today? Why all this must be happening? Can't we all work together strife together and be successful together? Why must the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, I'm telling you, the worst one is the average earners, they don't move even a notch! *laughs*

Coming back to Codemasters. i'm still very dissapointed with what they wrote in the newspaper article. Its all wrong people! Yes you need a good animator, yes you need a good sketcher, yes you need a good programmer, yes you need a good art director, but whos gonna benchmark you games? Who is going to like your game? You still need people like me, people like me are all over Malaysia, these are the people will do what it takes to make Malaysia proud, at least for once we are good in gaming, and the government would give support after that, unless the government thinks its stupid to let the younger generation stick on playing games, come on! Its going forward not backwards? Gosh! If this keeps on happening, soon Malaysia will be lousier then India. Why must the status and the connection comes first? Why are the top management level so money minded? Which leads to corruption and bribery! For once can you guys up there just give a chance to the younger generation to prove something for Malaysia and don't think so much about your credits. Cause you guys up there are getting old and soon enough you're gonna leave this world, are you taking all that pride and status and newspaper cutting with you 6 feet underground?


Human was born into this world to live. To live they need a job sooner or later to survive, don't tell me that "You're in the wrong country" just tell me that "You suck, you don't look good, you don't look rich and you're nothing but a piece of shit, so I won't hire you", now isn't that better? To know that people like me will not be getting a job? The moment I read the papers, it really pisses me off, The spokesperson said the animator in Malaysia is not good enough because of the course that they went through. Of course they are not good enough, because they only do what the Uni/College/Institute gave them to do, do you think they are hardcore gamers like the Koreans? or Japanese? or Taiwanese? and you expect the graduate to be able to cope up with that level of madness? Well either you give them the job, they learn how to perfect it or just get dropouts, and why is that? In the first place, why are they called dropouts? Either they are not interested in studying, or they already set their mind to do a certain thing with what they had learned. Can't you see all this? Yes you can! You're just scared that people will look down on your company, thats why! Again, status involve, frack the status and make it happen, you'll get a bigger status internationally, isn't that what everyone wants? International game developers will not succeed in giving Malaysia a chance, unless a few of them are going to be in the bloody company to brainwash those frackers so that people like me can join the team and make it happen! Other then that, forget the frack about coming to Malaysia to help you develop games, wasting your resources and time and the quality of your games drop tremendously. All this arrogant bastard are thinking of their money all day long. Whats the excuse they give to motivate you? "The fittest survives!" Is that how everyone motivate the demotes? I thought is "Teamwork counts"? Anyways, I'll still continue on playing my games, because its in my vains, I have the patients to wait for the opportunity to come, and yes I will pursue my dreams in any means necessary.

So boys and girls, get Nintendo Wii for Xmas! hehe Support Nintendo! *smiles* Until Then Ja-na!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Typical weekend

Just finish cooking, getting ready to eat dinner. I was wondering on what to eat earlier on, since I'm jobless, I even no money to buy salted eggs, blood expensive (dammit). Anyways, its another typical weekend, next week people will be busy with their celebrations, I wish to all Malaysian readers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Selamat Hari Deepavali. I wonder what shall I do then, well I guess I'm just gonna keep on reading (downloaded a zip file which contains 166 sci-fi and fiction novels!) and keep on writing in here. Yup, thats what I'm gonna do..Ja-na!

My Apologies

I didn't know the setting was by default, only for registered users only under "Comment" tab. I hade changed it to "anyone", feel free to flood in your comments. Thank you.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Being a close friend, hon-to-ni des-ka?

Well, I can really have my precious sleep due to my buddy bugging me over the phone, wanted to play computer game at my place, dammit! So I decided to browse the internet for a while, try to read and improve my writing skills. As I surfed the internet something came across my mine, to read someone else's blog, how the frack do I do that? Well thanks to my sourcing skills, I started snooping around people's blog and soon ended up in someone's blog, someone which once I did liked, someone that I thought really treasure friendship, someone that I cared about like Arwen cared about me.Lets just give her a nickname, no names involve, I will reveal it soon enough, lets just called this "friend" of mine PS.

I saw PS in 2000, back then, I didn't know who is PS at all, I don't even know PS's name. But, one thing for sure is I really admired PS. i even bumped into PS a few times all over klang valley on and off, weird you might want to label me as, you'd be asking,"Wheres you balls?". Patiences did paid off though, I finally get to know PS after a few years, didn't really expect it to happened though. We get to know each other decently, true enough we became friends, and grew closer.

When PS's birthday was aroudn the corner, I decided make a big suprise. I don't know whether any of you guys would do this but, I did it. We went out for a drink in Sunway Pyramid, hang out at Starbucks, chit chatting away. Afterwards, I suggested to have a walk around the mall since its quite sometime since I last visited the mall. As soon as we stopped by a handphone shop, I can sense that PS is eyeing on a particular model of phone, I knew that PS's handphone is not in meant condition, so I decided to just get PS a new one, the one that PS always wanted. Ps was shocked, but happy, well thats the least I can do for a friend for the time being, isn't carving a smile on your friends face something decent doing?.

Things got really well, we have been keeping in touch with each other ever since. I would send PS to work or pick PS up at times, had lunch or dinner together at times. It was after a few months, I got my first peck on the cheek, didn't expect that coming though. Well, I guess PS was really comfortable with me around. I just kept my cool and treat her as a friend, well of course I did told PS my feelings at one point, but PS told me its not going to happen, so frack it, I don't wanna lose a friend, PS was indeed a friend to me. Something to ponder upon, define the word "friend", for friends who get to know me over the years, the new ones which I made with, especially in Damansara Utama, the place where I used to work, I made friends with alot of the locals, (you know who you are dudes!) they definately know what kind of friend am I to them, well I treat everyone the same, I'm not a racist or a sexist when it comes to friendship, like it or not I'll shoot you down witha plasma rifle if I feel like it, at least its the truth, no need to hide anything in a friendship, right?

As time goes by, we grew closer and closer, I get to know PS's family, even celebrated Raya with them once, though I'm lost, but hey, at least they have the decency to welcome me to their home and treat me well. That I have to give credit for. But heres the confusing part, do you mention to your friend about your other friends deed that brings you good memories? Or you just put them at one side of the 4 corners of a dark room and just keep it to yourself? Not to mention I'm PS's close friend, a very close one. Oh well, I guess some people just can't accept the fact that looks are deceiving. Its the performance that counts, not the looks, goddammit!

Well, true enough, when i read PS's blog, I felt very far apart from the word friendship, I don't think I'm anything to PS, I don't even thing that I'm in the "friendslist" of PS's. Well, thats life, don't wish for something that you don't realize coming with out you knowing it. Its gonna frack your emotions up, and then you brains afterwards. At least I've been through that stage. At least I know how to "pick" friends now, though its not a healthy thing to do, but in order to keep my sanity while staying in such a confusing and frack-tup city, I just need to do it, at a minimal level. I guess thats all about PS, I'll just end this chapter of PS, thinking of it makes me sick! Its just a "tea-break" for you readers out there, nothing much on PS in my life. Until then, Ja-na!

PS: Pretentious Slut

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Shirley: Encounter Of The Fist Kind

Just finished my dinner, gosh I didn't know I have 2 lazy brother that have to wait til i cook for dinner at one point dammit! Anyways tonight I'm in the mood to tell you another bedtime story which I guess you'll fall asleep as soon as you finish this paragraph so don't bother reading.(kidding)

It was in 1992 when I first saw this girl which, I once was attracted and still do, if you get to see her,which if, you get to look deep inyo her eyes, and you'll see a sparkle like diamond; Which if, you get to touch her skin, you'll feel like the sands on the beach of Tahiti; which if, you talk to her, you'll feel like Aphodeity charms you with every words that comes out of her cherry, lucious, thick, seductive, maroon suckable lips, simoutenously her vision will just ignite your brain, trijecting her beauty into your thoughts, which comes to the worst part, if you get to miss her, I can tell you one thing thats for sure, you won't be able to sleep until you get to meet her again. That girl is Shirley. How I get to know her better? I remember calling up Ryan Heroneal (for girls who are reading this part, this is hottie hunkie that you won't get your eyes off, your drools dry, your thoughts away from, until you get the piece of him, I am dead serious! Ryan! Where are you??..) to ask him to call up this hot ass chic to call me, goddammit!, am I stupid or what?

It bloomed over the holidays before I started school again in 1993. Those were our tender loving days,I can visualize the thought, as if its it is still at the back of my head, as if it just happened yesterday. She would come to my place, hang out, gaze at each silently, feel the warmth from each others body, chit chat and then she'd go off, well most of the time we will be chatting on the phone, sometimes I can hear her mommy gets angry if she were on the phone too long, then I'll just hang up. Though we have difference in out music genre interest, but the thing that kept me wanting her so bad is because we had this feeling of wanting to be together, it was a great feeling for me, for the 1st time. We would talk over the phone and sometimes I'd called her at night to chat a little. In school I'll be shy guy and she would be the one that would push me over the edge to do stuff like sitting together,holding hands and stuffs like that, stuff that a guy should have been doing without being told to shown to do. We will write to each other and had a personal love letter posman to send it. Those were the days. The days when I first knew how it felt to love someone, who it felt to have someone that loves me back. Nevertheless, its the beginning, the beginning encountering of the first of its kind.

It starts to crumble the following year, 1994. Things shattered into a million pieces, even if you were to pick up the pieces, it will take you a lifetime to put the pieces back, and even if you were to pick up the pieces, your hands will bleed trying to figure out how to match the broken pieces. But it didn't stop me though, to put back all the pieces together. I tried and I tried hard. I felt like reaching a dark room with no light and no feelings, would feel like stabbing myself and just let it bleed until my very last breath, too bad, this is not the movie dammit! So came along the Elven in white robe on foot (no horse la my hometown) the charming tannedd short hair girl, Norliza Bakthiar (Congrats on your wedding girl!whos the lucky bastard!) which really helped me up to stand again, she was the one that sticked close to me, talked to me, told me to stand up, walked with me, laughed with me, shared sadness with me, shared music with me, I would never forget the intimate moments we had together, sharing the headphones together, God really did showered me with His blessing, giving me such a close and intimate friend which always treasure you as a friend til my last breath, Norliza (damn! she was one hot chic at that time!).

And then came 1995, a crucial year for all the student in my batch, the big exams is coming. I was already focus with my studies, and at that time, Shirley was very active on the track and field event, I'd sometimes watch her practice, she'll still greet me with that smile i think no one can resist. I thought I'll be alright, until I saw her in the arms of another man, which happened to be my brother's batch. Me,my brother, him and his brother, we were smoking buddies, haha! We were close, we would run up to a run down shop lot, and have our puff moments, laugh together, joke together. There he was, hugging Shirley in his arms, I was shattered again, my own buddy; but what did I do in this kind of situation? nothing,I don't know what to do?(What do you expect from a kid?) and so i went home with a broken heart again, blaming myself in my room, playing myself a sad song on my six string, asking myself "What did I do wrong to deserve this?", and thats how I'll put myself to sleep every single night for quite a long period of time. I told no one about this, trying to feel strong about it everytime I woked up and get ready to go to school, no one knows not even to Norliza, but she was the one that knows that I'm hurt, without me telling nothing, as if she knows what happened to me, she knows what to tell me, how to comfort me, and after that came Aphrodeity again to storm me, this time She came along with Poseidon. She would smile at me, as if giving me an encyrpted signal which at that time, I don't have the software to decrypt it (dammit) It really hit me, got me confused, asking myself "What does she really wants from me?" (Still, what you expect from a kid huh?).Therefore, the moral of the story is tell a girl how you feel, not before but, after you got shattered (provided you and her had something together going on) else you won't get a chance to look in her watery eyes, looking at the diamond which is in within the rocks, that sparkles, which will give you the amount of air to breath in an enviroment which has 0% of oxygen.

I can't stop thinking about Her, so I tried to concerntrate on my studies as the big exams are coming. It was a relief when you get to know a big exam got over, and Hell was unleash at that time, thats when i picked up Super Nintendo! The healer to all pain which can never be replaced by anyone or anything that I came across with (even my cat don't care if i were to have a broken heart dammit), holiday again! yeay! I can watch TV til late night, I can play my video game during the day, well it really did got me off the hook. I wish it could have been longer.

Then, came the results, we were group into classes following our perfomance in that bloody exam. I got into Arts stream, well at least I can draw better then anyone in school. As usual, I'm the dumb one, and She is the smart one, so it was quite a distance in classroom sense, Her's and mine we divided by a basketball court, but Aphrodeity never did fail charming me, I guess the Greeks dosen't simply give names and meaning to someone right? There goes 1996. The honeymoon year, thats what they use to call it. Owh yeah! It was a honeymoon for me, drooling while sleeping in class, reading pornograpic novels when the person infront of the class was the one that I was suppose to listen to, well, what can I do? I was the only one that has an internet connection at that time, since 1995, so, I use to chat alot, getting to know people from overseas, people from across the sea (West Malaysia), read alot through newsletters, going into BBS (Buleting Board Service) and get loads of reading materials, thats how I boosted my english at that time. Therefore, I was really having a great year, plus at times,most of the time actually, I get to sit with her,my one and only,Elven Pricess Arwen. I sat with her so frequently that I decided to switch places with her partner and sit with her, boy was I the happiest man alive at that moment. Most of the time, would share things together, thoughts together. At one point, I did told her that I felt for her, but she said that, she won't want our friendship to go down into the drain, because it was a flourishing with orchids and lilies. Suprisingly, I took the bait, dammit!, and there she goes, off with a lucky bastard which now, is studying in Bree'en(England)! That was when, I last met him in my hometown. Owh well, everyone has their moments to go abroad and inhale the air in other continent.

At one point, I really missed Her, wanting to be with Her again. Partly because, my Pricess Arwen fled off to another district to study, withtout telling me, just left me in the wilderness. I had no one left, no one to talk to when I'm down, no one to be with, no one to be there with, no one to share laughter with. That was when Handball sport came in, I guess our batch made it a big thing, we would play only that sport everytime with had P.E classes,the teacher was very impress,even give us tips on the how to go about on the game. I still remember that the 1st time our P.E teacher introduces us that sport, damn! It felt good, imagine throwing a ball to the goal was the ultimate feeling, it was like throwing all your anger away,throwing all your worries away,throwing all your doubts away,throwing all your sadness away in a blink of an eye! Just focus, gather it all in the ball and BAM! hits nothing bet net! without failure! A Tournament was held due to the game's popularity, thanks to our batch! Guess what? We were in 2nd place, in the whole school, beating our seniors throughout the tournament was something I'd always look back to in the Hall of Achivement in Sports, thats when everyone noticed our batch is a batch not to mess around with, and of course our seniors the 1st seeded team was cheating, importing players from other classes, gathering everyone in one team, but the heck with it, we still got 2nd, now, how bout that? Frack those state volleyball players, frack those basketball players, frack those sprinters, our batch rocks!. At that point, an angel appeared, a girl which I always dreamt of talking to, wanting to get to know her,wanting to be her friend Florence Micheal, you're one hell of a girl! She actually cheered for our team in the Finals! Wow wee! Thats then, done, zip, case close!

Then come 1997, still, Aphrodeity poised me with that charm of hers again and again, everytime she walk pass my classroom. I tried to divert my concerntration on something else, I guess I'm not hurt anymore, not fragile anymore, I don't know why I am not drawn to her anymore, but at the same time I do really miss her, dream of her at times. Still smile at her everytime we get to bump into each other. Though, I knew that she was going out with a dude out of school, I still don't have that much affection for her, maybe she don't too, I don't know, cause I'm stupid enough not to ask her. Approaching end of the year, the big exams hit us, and again Hell broke loose after the exams, as usual; and I remembered this clearly, Shirley did called me once, It was when I was about to had lunch with my family, she called, and chit chatted for a while, giving me that encypted signal again, and I'll be damn if i were to be able to decrypt it; and there goes Aphrodeity, gone, forever,blown away by the wind. I don't feel her presence, I don't even bother trying to contact her, or getting in touch with her, why? Obviously, I was havin fun working in a Resort, 5 hours away from my hometown. Thats why, haha, tasted all kinds of "food" except for arabic, thank goodness I didn't get infected by any disease. After getting my bloody result, worked for a few more months, and poof! I'm of to West Malaysia soil. Not telling any of my schoolmates, starting a new life, breathing poluted air that polutes every part of me.

And so, there goes Shirley G, the Aphrodeity, the air that I breathe, the strength of my muscles, the girl that I once loved, once knew, the only one that I really liked, the one girl that really fits into the frame of pictures that I see, though there were a few back then who did liked me,who did had a crushed on me, who did stalked me, who did wrote letters to me, who did purposely do something to get my attention, but she'll always win my heart, always will be the one that can give a warm smile that calms my heart beat rate to a lower level and will always be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

And there goes Norliza Bakthiar, the Elf that once swept me off my feet,that comes to teh rescue in her very own unique way, that once took care of me with her gentleness, her caring heart for a friend, she'll be my best friend, that I will always drool over in my dreams (because she had a solid body back then! dammit!). You'll always be the one who knows the boundries of being a friend and being a lover, someone that knows how to materialize words, that I wasn't able to counter but can just swallow it comfortably without me knowing it, that always makes me weak on my knees whenever she speaks (did I told you that she got a really sexy voice in real life? I wonder what about now..hmm). The only one that I only can just gaze at and know that its okay; to know that, its fine; to know that theres someone, who'll be there for me whenever I stumble, the only one that knows what I'm thinking, how I felt, without telling her anything. And so, The Encounter Of The First Kind was an experience which I personaly had, which I personaly valued, which I personally will always remember until this very day. Aaand CUT! Its a wrap! Hell, thats one hell of a story to tell in a night, thought that I won't be able to go through with it. Well, until then, I shall continue the sequel of this stroy soon, lookout for Encounter of The Second Kind in my blog if you guys wanna know what happen next. Ja-na!


Sneak Peak on the next episode:

"....After 5 years I stayed in Selangor, getting to know new friends, getting to know its cool to hang out til 8 in the morning, at Uncle Salleh's Place over in Uptown, getting to know healthy arguements is a food to my soul (Thanks! SuperBonBon), I bumped into Aminah Salawati, the posman that once helped out my love life back then....."

Thurs-Frack-Tup-Day

I woke up at 9am this morning, due to a meeting which i need to attend, Well opened my wallet and walla, theres only RM20 left in it. Parked my car at Amcorp Mall, took PUTRA LRT down and guess what? I transitted another 2 LRT, frack-tup man! its RM4.40 for a trip to KL and I have to walk around bloody KL town to find the venue, which ended up in Kg. Baru, dammit, why can't the organizer tell me in the 1st place so that I won't have to go through all this hassle. After that, my ex-boss called me up for lunch, he's my ex-boss in NAZA MOTOR (and yes I test drove all the cars except for Tan Sri's precious Ferrari's) well, he moved to another company which sells automobiles too, better one, well at least its not as frack-tup as NAZA, though I have to admit the cars that they are selling are in a superb range, but hey, if its a family business, is always a frack-tup one! Remember that guys and girls out there that want to pursue their carrer. I dare betting with any of you a pulled tea, cause I worked more jobs that you have can ever imagine! Back to my ex-boss, well, he kinda offered me a job in his showroom. I was thinking about it at the same time enjoying the fine dining in amcorp mall's EDEN cafe...yummy! Free food are always tastier then the ones that we pay! *grin*. To my suprise, the company that he's working with at the moment is one hell of a company! Perks are good, staffs' welfare and other benefits are far more better then I had ever imagine, so if any of you out there would like to make money buy selling car and having a real good experience, tell me!*laugh*. Therefore, I am considering this job offer, easy money, easy job scope, 3 days a week job, well, its something like Shell, the only difference is you won't get blowed up in an oil refinary! *laughs*..I'm jobless so its kinda hard for me to move around these days,people say their are poor guess what, I'm living under poverty level. owh well, I guess that one heck of a day! never been out of my house for so long, feeling like an alien when I was in KL just now..until then, for those whose waiting for my other sequel of Shirley and what not, I'll write, just keep on reading and thank you for your support by reading my blog. Ja-na!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Home Made? hon-to-ni?


Well..its 0640 hrs now and i slept kinda early last night, dammit, I should have, owh well, at least i can chat with Shirley over YM,she always comes in at odd hours. She was asking whether i'm gonna write about her *laughs* in time, girl, I will definately write about you, you're part of what has become of me today, thats how important you are to me. Anyways, enough about Shirley, I'll talk about her soon enough, well i was still fine tuning my profile and, theres a section called URL audiofile..now that itches me to put up my favourite song in it. I went about it and found out that audioblogger kaput-ted dammit, so I have to find a free web hosting sight to put up my tunes and hook it back here. Lets talk about songs here, this particular song which is going to be my official song for this blog of mine because it suits the site iself so much! hope they don't make it an official song later (that always happens to me..dammit). Its a group of japanese dudes singing really cool songs, i don't know how to categorize the genre of the music that they are playing. raggae hip hop? raggae pop? freestyle?hip hop? j-pop? Well,a bit of all that you'll get this group call Home Made Kazoku. This is one cool awesome band, love them so much, thanks to BLEACH anime..else,I won't be able to hear this awesome piece of work.The song reflects alot og me (what i don't know what the frack they sayin? Hell yeah I do!) and i find it really really in my blood, never get bored of it, I can just keep on looping the song all over til morning, just to one song. Which reminds me of the days, where I was a freelance music producer, doing playlist of my DJ in the club, well thats what I always do, keep on looping the song at home to find the right playlist for the night. Its like, the 1st 2 minutes of any song I hear, I'll know whether its good or not, for lets say, partying in the club? or driving in the jam. To me any sound which comes with strings of various beats and makes up a rhythm and comes up with a catchy beat in its very own originality, its a song, so nearly anything can be a song to me. Thats how i look at music, musicians, and music instruments :D..so enjoy this song from Home Made Kazoku, entitle Thank you...if you take and effort to translate the song to your own language, you'll love it..trust me, as for Home Made Kazoku, Keep it up! Gam-ba-teh mi-na!!neh?? until then..Ja-na!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Intro-Trijectorization

Here I am again, as promise to write again. Okay since its my 1st blog and I'm not associate with others, for now. I'd like to make a soft introduction about myself whereby it will come from time to time telling you about myself in the near future. I'm a dude with "I'm not hot" embedded on my forehead, as you can see in the picture, believe it or not i'm mix parentage, late daddy's an Iban (one of the 119 tribes in Borneo) and mommy's a chinese (the Hakka Clan), but if you have a chance to meet my dear friend Lawerence Legak, he is one hot dude! dammit!!!.Owh well...lets see, I speak both Iban and Hakka language fairly, enough to conversate with my relatives back in mom's hometown, vice versa(FYI, yea my late dad's from the longhouses that you guys watch on National Geographic, the difference is mines real! :D ).As for myself,well,I speak english 1st, when i learned how to talk, and I though it was cool until people around me gave me this kinda look which tells me, "Owh dammit, I can't use this language to communicate" and so thats how i pick up the other chinese dialeg called foochow and also hokkien. Fair enough, I got the piece of action in every activity that the neighbourhood kids are doing.

Now, kids have Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games over the internet; back then, it was Massive Multiplayer Hide & Seek. Not only that, we do have Marble Breaking Tournaments, haha, and erm its Massive Multiplayer too. Cowboys and Indians?(Well,here we use police and thief though). Its a daily event where 2 neighbourhood will play it in the evening,(though we don't have town raids at odd hours but hey, we played hide and seek at midnite once)Yeah, I bet you're jealous when you heard that *grin*...those were my younger days, having close friendship with my neighbours, we have everything going on for the whole week, and i love sundays....wanna know why? Its barbeque day! yeay!!! we barbeque so hard that the host of the barbeque got sick dammit! so that funfull activity have to be stop for quite a while(few years dammit!), well and so neighbours change once a while new people come into the neighbourhood adjusting themselves to the warmness of our unity, some got through with it, some just don't.

We had lotsa different neighbours, our home was the luckiest, we got to have a japanese neighbour for 2 years I think, thats awesome! really awesome! check this out, my mom learn how to make traditional sushi..yea? Cool ey,Itsuko-sama even gave my mom her sushi mat...well mommy kept it til now..and she kept on pastering my mom to visit her in okinawa japan, well its not gonna be cheap travelling there, though we're still in Asia. Well Itsuko-sama had her son Ta-Jang-kun which we've seen before but her daughter was born in Japan...so she sends over her picture with the family once in a while.Okay enough of that nostalgic moments....

Since then, all i had was english magazine,english TV shows, english music, english newspaper, english radio station.I wonder how I did it last time, considering now, to learn japanese all by myself is pain in the ass, but back then I'm juggling foochow,hokkien,mandarin, bahasa melayu (malaysia's national language) and iban all at once!! gosh!! was I good or what? Though, I did took up mandarin classes, but thats primary 1 to 3 thats it! Oh well, its telling me one thing for sure, I'm getting OLD! dammit..

In school, well school what can I say about school, my mother was a teacher in my primary school years, so everyone have to suck-up to me, I kinda hate that, just because my mom's a teacher dosen't mean you need to suck-up to me,guys come on, I'm human too?Got a hold of table tennis and basketball when i'm in primary 3, can u believe that? I was shooting hoops back then, not the kiddie ones, the standard heights! Never get to make the ball to even touch the hoop at that time, but i grew tremendously tall and thats when the chic came to papa! yeay baby! *grin* i'm not telling names, else their hubby are getting jealous..if they get to read this blog, *giggles* owh well there were ups and downs in all ways in school, I'll break it down later on in my blogs to come.

At last secondary school (its like junior high except for 3 years, then its senior high) owh well, it was fun though, why? Mom's not around..but still the sad part was, the disciplinary teacher was my neighbour!! gawd dammit! Life is so unfair, its proven! Its unfair to the other kids cause I get to loan books from the school for free and new ones! since the 1st day i step my foot into school *muahahahahah* unfair ain't it..so thats unfair to others, but whats unfair to me is EVERY single teacher knew my mom...thats TOTALLY unfair, even the hot ones were her students once..dammit!! :D believe me, i knew whats a hard-on when i was 13..haha..

Oh well my 13-18 years of school experience wasn't that pleasent cause i don't have puppy love and shit, nothing like that. though I won't for get when i was 15...hmm, thats where I get to know Super Nintendo *grin* and his elder bro Nintendo, and their neighbour SEGA Megadrive yeah baby!...for 3 long months, mom was on a course in some other district, so me and my 2nd elder brother was going to school twice a week!! check that out! now you guys (my classmates) wonder where did I go when I wasn't always in school at that time ey, now you know whats going on. I would never forget that EVER!! so, as we finish the whole tender years with SPM (SAT for foreigners out there) i had quite a long holiday to wait for our results, and so thats the time where real life started...and thats when this session of my life will be trancated to the next episode of ME! haha..i really do hope you guys enjoy reading it,hit me back if you have anything in mind that you would like to share with me? Until then...Ja-na!

Preface

Crap...I just name the 1st posting as a preface. Well thats what you get if you read to much old school books. Don't believe I had my late father's Ian's James Bond? *grin* anyways, I really don't know what to write how to start here, owh well, lets just say that this is my 1st time writing in this thing called blog, i had a friend that use to check her blog here and then, and still i wasn't interested in it, nan-des-ka?..My elder brother tells me that this blog thingy used to be a place where uni students will do discussions and assignment in it, i can see that now, cause its bloody efficient, alright then..I'll write more in this later. Ja-na!