It was in 1992 when I first saw this girl which, I once was attracted and still do, if you get to see her,which if, you get to look deep inyo her eyes, and you'll see a sparkle like diamond; Which if, you get to touch her skin, you'll feel like the sands on the beach of Tahiti; which if, you talk to her, you'll feel like Aphodeity charms you with every words that comes out of her cherry, lucious, thick, seductive, maroon suckable lips, simoutenously her vision will just ignite your brain, trijecting her beauty into your thoughts, which comes to the worst part, if you get to miss her, I can tell you one thing thats for sure, you won't be able to sleep until you get to meet her again. That girl is Shirley. How I get to know her better? I remember calling up Ryan Heroneal (for girls who are reading this part, this is hottie hunkie that you won't get your eyes off, your drools dry, your thoughts away from, until you get the piece of him, I am dead serious! Ryan! Where are you??..) to ask him to call up this hot ass chic to call me, goddammit!, am I stupid or what?It bloomed over the holidays before I started school again in 1993. Those were our tender loving days,I can visualize the thought, as if its it is still at the back of my head, as if it just happened yesterday. She would come to my place, hang out, gaze at each silently, feel the warmth from each others body, chit chat and then she'd go off, well most of the time we will be chatting on the phone, sometimes I can hear her mommy gets angry if she were on the phone too long, then I'll just hang up. Though we have difference in out music genre interest, but the thing that kept me wanting her so bad is because we had this feeling of wanting to be together, it was a great feeling for me, for the 1st time. We would talk over the phone and sometimes I'd called her at night to chat a little. In school I'll be shy guy and she would be the one that would push me over the edge to do stuff like sitting together,holding hands and stuffs like that, stuff that a guy should have been doing without being told to shown to do. We will write to each other and had a personal love letter posman to send it. Those were the days. The days when I first knew how it felt to love someone, who it felt to have someone that loves me back. Nevertheless, its the beginning, the beginning encountering of the first of its kind.
It starts to crumble the following year, 1994. Things shattered into a million pieces, even if you were to pick up the pieces, it will take you a lifetime to put the pieces back, and even if you were to pick up the pieces, your hands will bleed trying to figure out how to match the broken pieces. But it didn't stop me though, to put back all the pieces together. I tried and I tried hard. I felt like reaching a dark room with no light and no feelings, would feel like stabbing myself and just let it bleed until my very last breath, too bad, this is not the movie dammit! So came along the Elven in white robe on foot (no horse la my hometown) the charming tannedd short hair girl, Norliza Bakthiar (Congrats on your wedding girl!whos the lucky bastard!) which really helped me up to stand again, she was the one that sticked close to me, talked to me, told me to stand up, walked with me, laughed with me, shared sadness with me, shared music with me, I would never forget the intimate moments we had together, sharing the headphones together, God really did showered me with His blessing, giving me such a close and intimate friend which always treasure you as a friend til my last breath, Norliza (damn! she was one hot chic at that time!).
And then came 1995, a crucial year for all the student in my batch, the big exams is coming. I was already focus with my studies, and at that time, Shirley was very active on the track and field event, I'd sometimes watch her practice, she'll still greet me with that smile i think no one can resist. I thought I'll be alright, until I saw her in the arms of another man, which happened to be my brother's batch. Me,my brother, him and his brother, we were smoking buddies, haha! We were close, we would run up to a run down shop lot, and have our puff moments, laugh together, joke together. There he was, hugging Shirley in his arms, I was shattered again, my own buddy; but what did I do in this kind of situation? nothing,I don't know what to do?(What do you expect from a kid?) and so i went home with a broken heart again, blaming myself in my room, playing myself a sad song on my six string, asking myself "What did I do wrong to deserve this?", and thats how I'll put myself to sleep every single night for quite a long period of time. I told no one about this, trying to feel strong about it everytime I woked up and get ready to go to school, no one knows not even to Norliza, but she was the one that knows that I'm hurt, without me telling nothing, as if she knows what happened to me, she knows what to tell me, how to comfort me, and after that came Aphrodeity again to storm me, this time She came along with Poseidon. She would smile at me, as if giving me an encyrpted signal which at that time, I don't have the software to decrypt it (dammit) It really hit me, got me confused, asking myself "What does she really wants from me?" (Still, what you expect from a kid huh?).Therefore, the moral of the story is tell a girl how you feel, not before but, after you got shattered (provided you and her had something together going on) else you won't get a chance to look in her watery eyes, looking at the diamond which is in within the rocks, that sparkles, which will give you the amount of air to breath in an enviroment which has 0% of oxygen.
I can't stop thinking about Her, so I tried to concerntrate on my studies as the big exams are coming. It was a relief when you get to know a big exam got over, and Hell was unleash at that time, thats when i picked up Super Nintendo! The healer to all pain which can never be replaced by anyone or anything that I came across with (even my cat don't care if i were to have a broken heart dammit), holiday again! yeay! I can watch TV til late night, I can play my video game during the day, well it really did got me off the hook. I wish it could have been longer.
Then, came the results, we were group into classes following our perfomance in that bloody exam. I got into Arts stream, well at least I can draw better then anyone in school. As usual, I'm the dumb one, and She is the smart one, so it was quite a distance in classroom sense, Her's and mine we divided by a basketball court, but Aphrodeity never did fail charming me, I guess the Greeks dosen't simply give names and meaning to someone right? There goes 1996. The honeymoon year, thats what they use to call it. Owh yeah! It was a honeymoon for me, drooling while sleeping in class, reading pornograpic novels when the person infront of the class was the one that I was suppose to listen to, well, what can I do? I was the only one that has an internet connection at that time, since 1995, so, I use to chat alot, getting to know people from overseas, people from across the sea (West Malaysia), read alot through newsletters, going into BBS (Buleting Board Service) and get loads of reading materials, thats how I boosted my english at that time. Therefore, I was really having a great year, plus at times,most of the time actually, I get to sit with her,my one and only,Elven Pricess Arwen. I sat with her so frequently that I decided to switch places with her partner and sit with her, boy was I the happiest man alive at that moment. Most of the time, would share things together, thoughts together. At one point, I did told her that I felt for her, but she said that, she won't want our friendship to go down into the drain, because it was a flourishing with orchids and lilies. Suprisingly, I took the bait, dammit!, and there she goes, off with a lucky bastard which now, is studying in Bree'en(England)! That was when, I last met him in my hometown. Owh well, everyone has their moments to go abroad and inhale the air in other continent.
At one point, I really missed Her, wanting to be with Her again. Partly because, my Pricess Arwen fled off to another district to study, withtout telling me, just left me in the wilderness. I had no one left, no one to talk to when I'm down, no one to be with, no one to be there with, no one to share laughter with. That was when Handball sport came in, I guess our batch made it a big thing, we would play only that sport everytime with had P.E classes,the teacher was very impress,even give us tips on the how to go about on the game. I still remember that the 1st time our P.E teacher introduces us that sport, damn! It felt good, imagine throwing a ball to the goal was the ultimate feeling, it was like throwing all your anger away,throwing all your worries away,throwing all your doubts away,throwing all your sadness away in a blink of an eye! Just focus, gather it all in the ball and BAM! hits nothing bet net! without failure! A Tournament was held due to the game's popularity, thanks to our batch! Guess what? We were in 2nd place, in the whole school, beating our seniors throughout the tournament was something I'd always look back to in the Hall of Achivement in Sports, thats when everyone noticed our batch is a batch not to mess around with, and of course our seniors the 1st seeded team was cheating, importing players from other classes, gathering everyone in one team, but the heck with it, we still got 2nd, now, how bout that? Frack those state volleyball players, frack those basketball players, frack those sprinters, our batch rocks!. At that point, an angel appeared, a girl which I always dreamt of talking to, wanting to get to know her,wanting to be her friend Florence Micheal, you're one hell of a girl! She actually cheered for our team in the Finals! Wow wee! Thats then, done, zip, case close!
Then come 1997, still, Aphrodeity poised me with that charm of hers again and again, everytime she walk pass my classroom. I tried to divert my concerntration on something else, I guess I'm not hurt anymore, not fragile anymore, I don't know why I am not drawn to her anymore, but at the same time I do really miss her, dream of her at times. Still smile at her everytime we get to bump into each other. Though, I knew that she was going out with a dude out of school, I still don't have that much affection for her, maybe she don't too, I don't know, cause I'm stupid enough not to ask her. Approaching end of the year, the big exams hit us, and again Hell broke loose after the exams, as usual; and I remembered this clearly, Shirley did called me once, It was when I was about to had lunch with my family, she called, and chit chatted for a while, giving me that encypted signal again, and I'll be damn if i were to be able to decrypt it; and there goes Aphrodeity, gone, forever,blown away by the wind. I don't feel her presence, I don't even bother trying to contact her, or getting in touch with her, why? Obviously, I was havin fun working in a Resort, 5 hours away from my hometown. Thats why, haha, tasted all kinds of "food" except for arabic, thank goodness I didn't get infected by any disease. After getting my bloody result, worked for a few more months, and poof! I'm of to West Malaysia soil. Not telling any of my schoolmates, starting a new life, breathing poluted air that polutes every part of me.
And so, there goes Shirley G, the Aphrodeity, the air that I breathe, the strength of my muscles, the girl that I once loved, once knew, the only one that I really liked, the one girl that really fits into the frame of pictures that I see, though there were a few back then who did liked me,who did had a crushed on me, who did stalked me, who did wrote letters to me, who did purposely do something to get my attention, but she'll always win my heart, always will be the one that can give a warm smile that calms my heart beat rate to a lower level and will always be the best thing that had ever happened to me.
And there goes Norliza Bakthiar, the Elf that once swept me off my feet,that comes to teh rescue in her very own unique way, that once took care of me with her gentleness, her caring heart for a friend, she'll be my best friend, that I will always drool over in my dreams (because she had a solid body back then! dammit!). You'll always be the one who knows the boundries of being a friend and being a lover, someone that knows how to materialize words, that I wasn't able to counter but can just swallow it comfortably without me knowing it, that always makes me weak on my knees whenever she speaks (did I told you that she got a really sexy voice in real life? I wonder what about now..hmm). The only one that I only can just gaze at and know that its okay; to know that, its fine; to know that theres someone, who'll be there for me whenever I stumble, the only one that knows what I'm thinking, how I felt, without telling her anything. And so, The Encounter Of The First Kind was an experience which I personaly had, which I personaly valued, which I personally will always remember until this very day. Aaand CUT! Its a wrap! Hell, thats one hell of a story to tell in a night, thought that I won't be able to go through with it. Well, until then, I shall continue the sequel of this stroy soon, lookout for Encounter of The Second Kind in my blog if you guys wanna know what happen next. Ja-na!
Sneak Peak on the next episode:
"....After 5 years I stayed in Selangor, getting to know new friends, getting to know its cool to hang out til 8 in the morning, at Uncle Salleh's Place over in Uptown, getting to know healthy arguements is a food to my soul (Thanks! SuperBonBon), I bumped into Aminah Salawati, the posman that once helped out my love life back then....."
2 comments:
I thought I should write this before you start wondering whether I have read your blog about your first love... here are some of my thoughts on it, and excuse my bluntness, Hulk.
Your love angst only confirms my opinion about men.
It's not true that men's biggest weakness is women, of which I am sure you've heard once, if not often. I suspect that was probably just said to appease some livid feminists, who had to feel they are ''in charge''!
I think men's biggest weakness is their masculine ego, which cannot be let down, which directs all things they do in life. The objects of their masculine egos are manifold, in which women are just one, but seem to dominate.
He who lets woman govern his tameable desire is pitiable.
He who cannot get himself woman is not quite a 'man', almost a mortifying failure.
And poor is the man who lets this arrogant utterance entrap him.
The way you wanted her says so much about the man I described. You can disagree, of course! :)
You idolized her, making her sound almost like a Sex Goddess whose sole nature of existence was reduced only to seduce the lesser men. You spoiled her, you allowed her to think it is ok to have casual love, and to break the fragile but sincere hearts and live tomorrow as if yesterdays have never happened. Your blog is feeding this attidude again.
She walks like a peacock, because that's what the men who love her allow her to do. It has become part of her, but how shallow is her pretentious coolness. There is no endearing and solid charm in her that can outlive her!
I don't doubt that your love for her was true, but, like most people, you were blinded by it. You let your emotion take control, and you became its slave.
No one should be able not to live without another person.
But your naivety is a precious thing, and you mustn't lose it, because i'm sure that a good woman will someday find it attractive and will come to treasure you.
Don't waste time on a worthless piece of furniture. It collects only dusts, and dulls life too!
Its a story that when I was in my tender years. Well, no one can be as mature as who we are now, thats why this particular story is converted to what englishmen called it experience.
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